Sunday, September 16, 2012

if you don't like your job, quit.

Did I tell you I quit my job?

No no, I didn't turn into a full-time crafter LOL although *bisou* bonbon has been very helpful in keeping me busy.

People were stunned to know I resigned. I personally didn't think I had it in me to quit my job. I had a RM1400 monthly mortgage and bills to pay. What about shopping??

The old me.

But I was fed up with it all. I was fed up with the way the Klinik Kesihatan was run, my humiliating pay, getting screwed over by colleagues / staff and having a f*cked up boss. I was pissed off that I missed so many of my Gynae appointments to cover the insufficiency in workforce. I am irritated that I'm not preggers. I was tired of b*tching about life and waking up loathing to go to work. I look at Guy and wonder how is it possible to spring up from bed every morning without fail to go to the office? There are times I literally have to pin him down from attending work when he has a fever or is too ill for work. I mean this dude seriously LOVES HIS JOB. I've never felt that: loved my job. You read all these inspirational stories of people like Steve Jobs, James Wong the ethnobotanist, MY DAD *rolling my eyes*, MY HUSBAND... damnit they all LOVE their f*cking jobs! Why don't I love my job? Now that's a million-dollar question.

I've been taking alot of leaves and MCs lately. I refused to see my friends. I was practically living in my Chatuchak harem pants and hardly ventured further beyond my security pants and work baju kurungs. I ate my pain and drowned myself in corn-fructose ecstasy. I didn't give a flying f*ck about my hair. It was the visiting signs of that bad old friend depression (visit no.1: second year medical school, visit no.2: housemanship) and I could feel the melancholy creeping in. But this time I'm older. This time I will control my destiny. This time I can take responsibility over my happiness and well-being. Like Gandalf, I stood on the cliff yelling to Balrog (the mirror image of my depression) "The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!".

I brought this issue up with Guy and my parents. Obviously the thought of passing up a stable 9-5 job seemed like THE CRAZIES to the Baby Boomers. They've lived through 2 economic downturns, working 7 days a week and sometimes more than 12 hours a day only to find their Generation X daughter, of which they've pinned their hopes and dreams into, turning into the grasshopper who sang all summer. But I can't be like them ants. I just cannot. I want more. Dddy came round to the idea in the end. Decisions always feels better when I get their nod of approval. Yalor I'm inferior like that. Then it was the husband. Since we do not the possess the comfortable RM20,000 combined household income needed to cushion this financial blow, the lack of my monthly income would pose as a grave monetary insecurity especially since I contribute to half of the monthly mortgage. We did some calculation and we could not keep afloat for long if I didn't find my means to pay my share. I didn't want to dig too deep into my savings. That was the scariest part. This proved to be more difficult than I thought.

I was supposed to hand in my letter in July just before my vacation but there were some problems with the leave calculation. Suddenly the date had to be pushed forward and last thing I knew it was my last week at work. Blame it on my typical Aries trait, but diving into the unknown has always been a norm. I had no plans. I had no directions. All I thought was "Ayia heck it-lah.. already come so far. WING IT saja!"

This is the first time my life was to be governed by nobody but me. I call the shots and I make the decisions. It's pretty much a logarithmic graph: work hard, get more money thus can play hard (and refurbish house... man I cannot stand the interiors left by the previous owners already!). Milestone, memang pun milestone.

Disclaimer: images courtesy of Ecards, Chloe Clam, unknown


Anonymous said...

totally feeling you. i am in this exact situation and started to miss my job being in a hotel line previously. really not feeling to go to work everyday taking MC just really hate it even though the pay is much much more higher than what i had previously working in the same hotel for straight 6 years i no longer feel happy working here either. i wish i can be in a position where i can be jobless but i can't cause i have house mortage to pay and car as well already cost me RM1.5k a month combine.

nur fadzliah said...

This is exactly what im facing make it worse,i most probably (think it is a must) need to pay 100k for my study scholarship if i wanna quit my job now.i couldnt focus.i just ignored everything(that really pissed off my bro coz he is working in the same dept as mine).i just dont have the heart to work there anymore.n now im thinking to quit.coz for me,i wud rather be working or do something or hunt for money by doing something that i like.i want the satisfaction.i want that kinda smile u know that uhavenoideawhyyouaresmiling smile on myface!ouh god.hope i can make the right decision!

shelbybaby said...

hello there anon. you are not alone. i am no guru but i do know that a monthly financial commitment of rm1.5k is not something you can breeze through without proper pay. i still have to work clinics to ensure i can fulfill my mortgage. i will have to continue doing so until *bisou* bonbon can fully support me financially. you have to make a choice whether to live comfortably but not like it or live meagerly but love it. i've learnt to live within my means and had to cut alot of happy stuff (spa, cupcakes when i don't REALLY need it, bags, that hello kitty swarovski figurine etc.. hehe) but being in a non stressful position, i find less excuses to have to shop. still no person is the same. do think about it very closely of consequences of quitting the job and only you can make this decision. with good support system you will be able to wade through anything!

shelbybaby said...

dear nur fadzliah,
*sigh* this life of ours. it's just so full of tough decisions innit? i'm sorry to hear your job is sucking the life outta you. i know what you mean. i was in your shoes. still, nobody can be the judge for your decisions except for you but please do think this through before choosing your path. i may have suffered in silence for a long time but i did 'suck my balls' until i completed my government service (in medicine, doctors are required to complete a 2 year government service in order to officially practice). i also made sure that despite all, i will continue to hold my end of the bargain with regards to my mortgage and also not put my loved ones in any obliging disposition of being 'forced' into supporting me financially. this is a vow i made to myself and my family and friends. with the scholarship payment you will have to take this heavily into account. i hope you will come to a position in life where you can find peace and happiness in your work. i sincerely wish you and anon the best of luck and nothing but happiness!

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