Thursday, May 31, 2012

but you're just a..

"You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cos you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed..."

Not sure what’s happening with men nowadays.

Someone in my workplace is getting a divorce. I’m unsure if she will go through with it in the end or he’d somehow manage to charm her back into the relationship. She’s been trying to have a child for what seems like forever. She’s gone through some of the works but could not proceed further as her husband refuses to participate in further investigations (sperm counts etc). He is seemingly confident with his fertility status as this is his 2nd marriage and he had a couple of children in his previous marriage. Being uncooperative is one thing but being downright insulting is another. In the heat of one of their numerous arguments, he called her a barren imbecile.

Barren imbecile.

Men. Read those two words carefully. Is this what you would ever want your father to say to your mother? Is this what you would ever want your son-in-law to tell your future daughters? Think again before you speak. Yell AAARGH or FUCKKKK (or ‘insert choice of swear’) but think twice before you spit out such unimaginable disasters.

I used to be so afraid of getting pregnant. Terrified. And even though Guy was the only man I ever f*cked but pre-maritally I used to be scared sh*tless of getting knocked up. We’d take full precaution and I’ve even downed the morning after pill a couple of times. Then I decided to abstain from pregnancy during the first year of marriage firstly to feel the relationship out (call me practical) and to adjust with the new working place, home and concentrate on my budding business. Now that it’s approaching my 2nd year anniversary, I’m sure many are curious to know if I’m pregnant. I’m not yet pregnant, just FAT I tell them. We’ve started unprotected sex about 10 months ago and it definitely has not been easy. I now understand as a woman of this century why it can be difficult to have a bun in the oven. You know how you’re introduced to a so-and-so and it is always in their personality description that they are infertile. They don't go "Oh and that's Mrs So-and-so. She's an equestrian and has a penchant for Doc Martens." instead... they go, "Oh and that's Mrs So-and-so. She doesn't have any children." I’ve seen these people around me and it just never occurred to me that I maybe approaching that category. And what disappoints me the most is that among the chaos and all the other achievements that is expected of me, I should also be able to bear a child. And I’m supposedly NO woman if I fail to do so.

Here we are the women of the NOW who are expected to bring home half the bacon, support half the housing mortgage, have a personality AND continue the age-old chores of cooking, cleaning and caring for the kids. We are asked of too much, don’t you think?

I told herthat it’s time to let the sadness end. There’s no point in continuing the relationship if he refuses to compromise and treats you like dirt. Our parents did not raise us daughters this way for us to be stepped on like scum when we, too, bring money to the table. What’s life about if all you feel when you go home is misery? I’m always the sort to perk up and rush to the front of the line when it’s balik-rumah time. I cannot imagine a life of one who dreads going home. It’s just something I cannot fathom. Home is supposed to be our sanctuary and panic room. She is starting to look for a room outside. I told her to cut down on expenditure and leave within her means but also to take up a money-generating hobby. She enjoys mixing drinks so I told her to look for a part-time job as a bartender. Do something that herself happy but yet generates some revenue albeit small. It’s time to live life for herself. Not for any other. It’s time to get happy. I wish her the best.

As for me, it’s time for me to step up to the plate and try to get pregnant. Thank goodness Guy (bless his soul) has never pressured me on this issue but I’m very sure he, too, looks forward to a child. I’ve taken the first step to get my in-denial-self enrolled in the infertility clinic. And my HSG appointment is next. Making more time and energy for sex. Putting world domination aside and this baby-making business a priority. And trying very much to let loose. Goodness gracious never thought that getting preggers could be difficult.. I always thought it would be a walk in the park! Heh.
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