Tuesday, March 29, 2011

the one?

A friend, in abit of a relationship dilemma, asked me how did I know Guy was THE ONE? I told her I didn’t know. And I don’t think I’ll ever know.

What does THE ONE even mean? The right person until he breaks your heart? An unsuspecting hero that indiscreetly saves you from your plight? A Prince Charming that picks his mum over you? Mr Darcy? (Hell yeah Mr Darcy!) 8 months post-wedding I’ve come to realize that the whole hullaballoo ‘bout finding THE ONE is trivial if you compare it to maintaining the sanctity of marriage. Good for you if you found THE ONE.. but will THE ONE share the housework / allow you to grow / wake up when the baby cries / emotionally support you in your sambal belacan business?

It has been said time and time before.. heap loadsa compromise and sacrifice go into making a marriage work. Then she goes, “What do you mean by sacrifice?” Sacrifice means giving up something you like for the betterment of the both of you. If a man has a wandering eye, sacrifice means giving up lust for others and be contented with a single vagina (and possibly anus.. no judgement síl vous plait). If a woman’s a shopaholic, sacrifice means cutting up her credit card bills and lovin’material items through vision not possession. If I desperately wanna try tandem motoring ‘cos it’s on Group On discount sacrifice means yelling at him for not allowing me to do so followed by extreme coaxing only to relent to him in the end by clicking the website off and sulking in the corner for awhile.


moi: Can I go for tandem motoring?

Guy: No.

moi: Why can’t I go for tandem motoring??

Guy: It’s dangerous.

moi: No it’s not!

Guy: It’s dangerous.


Guy: No.

moi: Why??

Guy: It’s dangerous.

moi: But got coach wor.

Guy: It’s still dangerous.

moi: WHY?????? WHY CANNOT??????

Guy: How many times do you want me to repeat: it’s dangerous!

moi: I’m gonna do it anyway.

Guy: Fine. There’s no point in discussing it then.

moi: When I was single, I would’ve gone and done it and there’s nothing you could do about it.

Guy: But you’re not single. Remember.. you’re married! It’s not just YOU anymore.

moi: *pause*

moi: *pause some more*

moi: *waits for the steam to condense*

moi: Fine! I’m not going for tandem motoring then.. I’m getting my eyelashes extended!

Guy: Mmm.

I’ve never had to answer to anyone before... I hardly even ask my parents for permission. It’s not even something treacherous like flying off into a deadly comet or eating fire. I love sh*t like skydiving / tandem motoring / hang gliding / air ballooning etc... and giving it up just so my husband can feel safe felt alien to me. It evens out somehow when I think about it. I did forbid him to ride the motorbike from home to work which he found ridiculous (I’m not to be blamed... I’ve worked in an ER and half of what runs through the doors are motorcycle accidents!). In a nutshell, he/she should be THE ONE to push aside desires that make you feel insecure. And if he/she don’t do any of that, start wondering. N.B. it goes both ways-ah. Don’t torture your husband into giving up all his loves while you nicely continue to rot in your heavenly pleasures (even though I’m supposedly notoriously known for that).

Compromise. Ayia this one simple-lah.. I don’t think I need to give an example. Heck you’ve probably learned it on Sesame Street. Ayo... still unsure? He wants to have Mexican, you want to have Japanese (oh and he hates sashimi by the way), you give him a BJ and he’ll settle for a bento box. Not too painful a deal now was it?

So turns out it’s not really THE ONE that matters. It’s the one who will hold your hand through forests of pain and hills of laughter that counts.

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