Wednesday, February 23, 2011

one less lonely girl

How did I get married?

How did I go from being the spinster FAT girl to a blissful Mrs Wife?

I know that my whirlwind romance came as a surprise (to some sweet and some others ugly) especially since I got engaged less than a year of courtship and proceeded to get hitched just a little over a year. For years I’ve been lamenting about my lonely soul (*click* and *click*) and lil’ heartbreaks here and there.. so believe me when I say I seriously did not see this coming. It could be true that destiny works in mysterious ways (Guy firmly believes this to be the fact of our relationship, bless him). But hey I did put in a sh*t load of effort to find a man too. I get email-ed and asked about my secret of ‘success’ alot. Personally I don’t feel I have any secret or success even... but here goes (ahaha I feel like Carrie Bradshaw when she wrote the article for Vogue: The Last Single Girl).

Firstly, admit you’re single. So many girls consider their singularity to be blasphemy. They try to disguise it with what seems like a notion of freedom with a hint of mystery, hence ‘It’s Complicated’ was born. It makes life interesting and makes us singles sound less desperate. But the fact is there’re only 2 relationship boxes to check in your passport application. You’re either single or you’re not. So confess and be free.

Now tell others. Look at the statistics of get-togetherness, apart from meeting people at workplaces or activity centres, a huge chunk of couples got together via friends. I told all my friends that I was single, available and ready to date. Of course there are chances that you’d come across some bad losers and retarded jerks, yea it happens. You’ll feel sh*tty for abit but that’s the thing that gives life its colour. Also it’ll improve your ability to have better judge of character (and what you want outta your potential partner). Best recommendations come from people who are married or severely attached (when I mean severely, I mean seem-like-forever severely). They’re the ones who least wanna sabotage you. I was actually introduced to Guy by my friend’s husband and his friend! Can you see the 2nd + 3rd-degree lineage here?? If you let people know (and are nice to them), they’d be more than happy to hook you up.

Form a 3 major character list of what you insist in your potential partner and be strict with it. Do not, though, be ludicrous with the details of the list. I’m not asking you to compromise but I am asking you to reflect upon yourself before making insane demands. Don’t tell me sh*t nonsense like I WANT TOMMY PAGE (ahahahaha that’s so old school, N.B. I was never in love with Tommy-ah but my aunt was) or I WANT JUSTIN BIEBER (I do! Does that make me a cougar?). You have your list and so do guys. Don’t mentally demand for a smartly dressed dude if you’re forever in frumpy auntie clothes... aiya mana boleh liddat?? Smartly dressed dudes also want smartly dressed ladies mah. Of course I have exceptions for fairytale love stories.. you know-lah plain Jane chick gets with rich-ass charming but oh-so-devoted prince. But exceptions come in minute percentages. That’s why not everyone is L U C K Y mah... the majority average Janes like us will have to make realistic non-Disneyland list and stick to it.

My list was:

1. Faithful (aka loves me to death just the way I am)
2. Financially independent (aka can support himself and still take me out for a nice meal occasionally)
3. Chinese (or ang moh :D the prior is a lame one for my mum-lah)

Look at my list back when I was 16, found it in my diary:

1. Looks good in a cap
2. Buys me flowers for Valentine’s Day
3. Plays in a rock band

Those were such good ole non-bill paying carefree days *sweet sigh* I digress.

Back.

I say 3-major-characteristics list to help you widen your scope. If you’re 30 (give or take) you’ll find that your pond is like Windermere in winter. And if you are going to clutch your 10 MAJOR characteristics tightly like a rollercoaster security bar it’s gonna be... well... a challenge. Don’t limit yourself. Go out and date je-lah! What have you got to lose? You’re 30. The good ones are mainly taken or gay... so seize the best of the remaining crop!!

Next, don’t just stay at home and watch freakin’ Chinese soap operas with your parents. That is NOT going to help you find a man. Seriously. Goodness gracious. Unless your parents are The Waldorfs, Archibalds or Van der Woodsens who have delicious connections and throngs of friends with eligible boys your age as sons, you have to go out and meet people. You will have to take classes in hobbies you are interested in or go speed-dating or go to the local pub for a drink or join a charity-drive or go for bloggers meet-ups etc etc etc. I did almost everything stated above. Although I did not meet my husband through this manner (life’s idea of a practical joke on me nonetheless), I know a whole lot of others who did!!

You can do some extra-curricular activities to spiritually help nudge the romantic luck in your direction *wink* On Chap Goh Meh (15th night of The Chinese New Year) I threw a mandarin orange into a river. I also went to khao yan yuen (destiny prayer) at the Tze Yeh temple (eh y’all, got special dates one, call first to make sure it’s auspicious before going... also got loadsa stuff to bring one so be prepared). During Mooncake Festival (Mid-Autumn) I did a mitt-fah (petal plucking) ritual to help welcome auspicious love aura.I heard a sembahyang hajat always works! For the obsessed there’s like voodoo and bomoh and all that whacamachalit nonsense but I do not believe in dark magic in terms of love. I feel it defeats the purpose and my criteria no.1.

In the meantime, enjoy being single! I definitely enjoyed my time being by myself. I did all the sh*t I wanted to do WHENEVER I wanted to do it. Watching movies alone (and easily getting A ticket), dropping everything and running off to London for a week, going shopping after work ‘till the shop closes, buying frivolous outfits and crockery and throwing caution to the wind...you’ll miss it when it’s gone. Yes of course I love being with my husband and having someone to come home to... I’m just saying as it is you’re single, you might as well take full advantage of it and live it up!



All the best my babydolls. I do hope my little pearls do you some good. Holla back if ever!



P.S: Yeah yeah The Secret commands you to tell the universe. You can do that too. It never hurts to ask. Just like Ah Yap

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