Tuesday, April 20, 2010

i want to wake up in vegas

I want to elope.

I suddenly realize why Mr Big didn’t make it to the altar the first time he wed Carrie or why Maggie Carpenter galloped away with her stallion in her wedding dress. All the wedding preparation is just way too much for a person to handle. We should actually be allocated wedding planning leaves cos planning a ceremony which is supposedly the biggest deal in terms of events in your life is physically and mentally draining!

I know I’ve got a wedding planner but somehow my nuisance is not relieved. Why is this so??


Issue 01: The parental have been harping on the invites since a fortnight ago driving me insane. When it got printed I immediately rushed them a copy thinking, with a dash of self-accomplishment, that I’ve at least crossed something off the list only for Mmmy to suddenly find that we left out the dress code in the invites. Everyone freaked out and eagerly looked for a scape goat. Obviously the blame falls on me despite having asked them to do a check on the draft before I sent it out to the printers. It made me so angry that I cried spontaneously while watching Kimora Lee Simmons on E. What frustrates me is that nobody even bothered to offer a solution. In the end I made ‘dress code’stickers for the unsent invites. As for the mailed ones, I figure I’ll just inform them on RSVP.

Issue 02: my Styrofoam Eiffel Tower base is broken into pieces cos the bloody neighbourhood cat decided to play trampoline on it! I hate the bloody cat so much!! Aargh I don’t care what you cat-lovers wanna say... if you sayang felines so much you either keep it your house or pick up strays to keep in your house so that it doesn’t ruin my life. Guy’s now in charge to lastik it the moment it sticks its crummy paws into my land.

Issue 03: I can’t wear my Viktor & Rolf wedding dress cos I’m fat. F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK!! I hate being FATTTT!!

Issue 04: Just Heavenly says I can’t stack Red Velvet cakes cos the cream cheese frosting is too pliable and it may collapse inwards... like the Highland Towers. So there goes my swirly butterfly deco.

Issue 05: I’m also responsible to arrange the pre-wedding makan-makan. Ayo. Can die one.

Issue 06: I have not gotten the hair + make-up sorted. I haven’t gotten the entertainment sorted.

This has brought to many heaving sighs and multinuous chest discomforts. I can’t wait for the D day to be over. Yet I also fear for my life that as everyday passes, it’s yet another day creeping near and if I’m not OCD meticulous everything’ll be a total disaster!!

I now think Little White Chapel, Vegas is genius. Why didn't I just do that before?

Man, I need a Mojito. OK fine a skinny Mojito.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

what do you call crocodile in hokkien??

*watching National Geographic one fine weekend afternoon*

moi: What’s crocodile in Hokkien?
Guy: Buaya.
moi: Buaya’s Malay-lah. I mean Hokkien... the real Hokkien term.
Guy: Boyo.
moi: That’s still Buaya!
Guy: But that’s crocodile in Hokkien.
moi: That can’t be so. Ok fine, what’s crocodile in Mandarin?
Guy: Er-Yue.
moi: I’ve got the name then... it’s Noh-Hoo... Two-Fish hmm how bizarre.
Guy: It’s not Noh-Hoo.
moi: Ok then maybe it’s Iyau-Hoo... Hungry Fish. Yup that’s most rightly so.
Guy: You can’t just invent names.
moi: I’m not inventing! I’m just stating the apparent.

*later in the car*

moi: Dddy what’s crocodile in Hokkien?
Dddy: *pauses for awhile*
Dddy: Boyo
moi: Buaya’s Malay-lah. Hokkien!!
Dddy: Ayo.
moi: Come come let Master teach you... it’s called Noh-Hoo.
Mmmy: Wh..??
moi: OK fine if you don’t like that version you can always use Iyau-Hoo.
Parentals: *pengsan*

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

happy un-birthday

It’s my birthday today.

I should be overjoyed. I’m not 30 yet. I’m getting married. I’m gonna have a place of my own. I’m working in KL. I’m within close proximity of family and friends. I’m 0.5kg lighter than 2 days before.

Yet I woke up with a cloud over my head in the darkest shade of grey you could ever imagine. I have no idea how come I am feeling so gloomy but I am. After a couple of teardrops landed on the pillowcase I decided to treat myself to a great big breakfast just to turn the mood around. My vivid imagination had set my salivary glands on fire! So into my car I hopped and I jetted towards Pink Sage.. Perhaps ‘cos Solaris Dutamas is new to the neighbourhood and not done up as yet , it exudes a somewhat creepy vibe especially around the parking lot and on the escalators up. It took me awhile to locate the café and to my utter dismay just as I sat down and fixing my order in my brain, the waiter comes to tell me that their chef of the next shift is running late and the chef of the previous shift had already left! Basically if I wanted food, I had to wait for the chef to arrive and then for the oven and cooker to get warmed up before I could get a bite to eat. F*ck. It’s not, like, this is some kinda Michelin 5-star restaurant where I should wait for the chef. I left. As I drove out I decided I‘d not waste the fact that I just paid RM1 toll fee and get my breakfast elsewhere. The next place I knew that served Big Breakfasts was Bijou. And so into my car I hopped and jetted towards Bijou. As I entered the café the waiter nonchalantly announces that they were not opened yet and that it is only on weekends that they serve breakfast. F*ck again. WTF is happening to the perfect birthday?? I decided to skip breakfast and go straight to my IPL appointment. It’s been 4 months since my last appointment and I’m reminded of my tardy follow-up by the abso-f*cking-lutely painful zaps of the infra-red gun. Well at least I’ll have hairless fuss-free underarms by the time I get it all done. I go over to Wondermilk to buy cuppacakes for people at work after circling the area thrice finding for a parking lot… (I didn’t get any in the end and just double-parked! Why did I even bother searching for parking in Uptown DU??). I returned home doleful and ate a 2-days-old Wendy’s Caesar Salad in the fridge. And got a wee bit of diarrhea after that. Sigh. That day the house received a guest that lies low in my ‘like’ hierarchy and I’ve got to put up a ostentatious grin as if the person’s presence is an amazing surprise. Oh bother. Then I went to have a quick look at a wedding gown tailor’s boutique that turned out to be closed when I got there. Dinner was a simple everyday fare and that’s all I have to say about that.

I had abit of waterworks moment in between. Guy came home early from work to help with setting up the house. He watched me cry for nuts and is puzzled as to why I’m feeling down. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just sad that I’m turning 30 soon. I don’t know if it’s even a valid reason to justify the sorrow but something is a lil’ wrong… I just cannot figure out the source. It could be a mesh of pressure at work, financials (what with the wedding and the new place coming on), making the house our home, getting the wedding details down, being a daughter, being a wife, being a friend, being a sister… I don’t know. Just seem abit much today.

Guess we could say happy un-birthday to me?
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