Tuesday, April 28, 2009

i can see your halo

Howdy-ho babydolls.

It has been awhile huh? Irresponsible? Neglectful? Yup, guilty as charged. I’m still getting used to juggling work, love, life and the world wide web. The love part is, of course, very nouveau: 2 months of life come early May. As you can see we’re in the honeymoon phase of the relationship hence me not giving a damn about anything in the world apart from him/us.

Just wanted to talk about love today. And maybe a wee bit ‘bout life too.

“Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now…”

I’ve just slapped on a facial mask (‘cos the face seems quite abit ridiculous these days) and I got Rin on the Rox playing on YouTube (G*ddd I love the YouTube. That and Rin on the Rox! Man you cupcakes oughta take a look-see-look-see. Me likes them synchro shoulder stints and goofy gestures plus the whole bathroom dynamics is just absolute genius. Don’t even get me started on the harmony! I’m a bloody harmony freak y’all… serio!sly. I, like, harmonize when I’m listening to Coldplay / Snow Patrol / Chris Brown whatever.. y’name it!). Starting this week I’m gonna think-plan-align my life. I’m going to force myself to balance out my job, relationship, family, friends, BLOG and activities. Activities meaning I’ve fished out my old Stella McCartney for Adidas yoga mat, gave it a good dusting and rolled it out for use. I want to start running again. I want to put at least 2-3 blog entries up per week. I want to finally come out of this romance cave and acknowledge the presence of other people in my life: parentals, sister, friends. I want to send letters to my sister. I need to get that sari and work kurungs made.

“It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out…”

A friend has been giving me midnight calls for emotional support. It’s taking a toll on me ‘cos I’ve got to wake up at 06:30 in the morning while she and the rest of the non-med world only start work at 09:00. Anywayyy… she’s going through a relationship hiccup… more of a relationship purge really. She has known the boy awhile now. They’ve been on-off.. on-again-off-again a little over a year now. He was not willing to commit prior. And when he finally did, his past (ex) came back to haunt him and lo-behold the guy caved. The latter used the oldest trick in the books: attempting suicide by swallowing a fistful of pills (Paracetamol *ahem* Panadol to be exact) to formally inform him that she, like, SO CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HIM. I’m not trying to be insensitive towards chicks who try to take their lives when their guy leaves them but ayo, he wants to leave you and you’re forcing him, against his will, to stay by giving him a life-death ultimatum. Do you really think that by doing so he’ll suddenly snap back into Romeo mode and love you ‘till death do you part?? Do you? Do you really?? Whoah that is just so the Clinton vs Lewinsky: an absolute mistake! Anyways that is not the point. The point is, the boy told my friend he needed to ensure the suicide-chick’s alright and that he’ll call her later. Several hours later he told her he needed to do some soul-searching and it’s been a week since she heard from him since that phonecall. Now she asks me what does this all mean? I don’t know much ‘bout relationships and love but this is what I know. OK ensuring suicide-chick is alive and kicking is of course top most priority and he’s an absolute asshole if he did a hit-and-run. But copping out with an excuse of finding himself is not just uncool, it’s cowardly. And if a man ain’t gonna fight for the union of you two now he ain’t gonna fight for you in times to come. This is a test to the relationship and he tore the blank answer sheets and broke all the 2B pencils even before the question paper even got to the table. If a guy loves you, he’ll fight for you. He’ll want to make you happy and stay happy. Guy thinks the moron’s rude. It’s rude and cruel to keep your lady waiting indefinitely. Men, take note.

“Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again…”

These few days have been a sore. If there’s anything to be thankful for it would be Guy. He always tries to make things a little better, the blows a little softer, the misery a little lesser and the sunshine a little shinier. I actually cannot imagine my life without him now. OMG I can’t believe I just said that… you are allowed to run to the sink and puke. It’s just way too yoke-mah (I guess the best translation to that word would be corny / kejagungan). It’s like the grey skies don’t seem that grey. Even if it storms like Katrina, I miraculously feel I could get through it when he holds me in his arms. The best part is he actually steps forward and pulls me after him… guiding me through the hurricane. Is this how love is? If it is, then it’s really really nice-lor.

Ne-Yo: Baby I know sometimes it’s gonna rain. But baby can we make up now cause I can't sleep through the pain. Girl I don't wanna go to bed.. mad at you. And I don't want you to go to bed.. mad at me.
moi: *listens silently*
Ah Seng: Suddenly all these songs about love make sense huh?
moi: *nods*

“Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away…”

So I told my friend that in life there will always be a choice to make. And the part that matters is that choices come with consequences. So if she makes a choice to be with him then she’ll have to just wait for him to ‘find himself’ or whatever and be patient. If she feels this is no way to be treated then move on pronto. Because life’s too short to be unhappy or so says Miss BellaBella’s msn profile pic:

Merci beaucoup Madamoiselle BellaBella for sharing this. Wonderful.


Shu Fen said...

hey visiting from Innit :)

great post!

i understand what you mean by even if u give the life-death ultimatum it won't make the guy snap back to romeo mode...

but when people are desperate, they will do anything for a ray of hope? they probably know the guy won't snap back to romeo mode, but AT LEAST there's a possibility right?

just my 2 cents :)

keep blogging! :D

Vicissitudes of Life

Anonymous said...

you're most welcome :)

it's great to hear that you're realigning life with all that's been happening.

can't wait to catch up with you and mei on all the juicy girly goss and stories :)

~bella bella~

Anonymous said...

Hey babydoll,

Read you column.. You're so right about the girl having to move on from an asshole like that. Sorry to hear that she bugs you that late but am sure she thinks you're really a great pal and a friend in deed. Am so happy to know you're soooo in lovveeeeeee... Its the nicest feeling in the world isnt it...Kisses

shelbybaby said...

shu fen: hey thanks for dropping by. it is sad to know that girls can be so alarmingly desperate... i guess love is a tricky thing. hope we're all strong enough to stand up to such mistreatment. we deserved to be loved like queens!

bella2: can't wait to spill the juice. let's tea!

anon: let's hope my friend does learn from this life lesson *fingers and toes crossed*

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