Saturday, November 22, 2008

so the thing about me being single hor… (part 02)

Remember this??

Like I said... If I can get RM1 for every time I get the question of why noone has been fortunate to snap me up aka why the f*ck I'm still single, I could probably build my own version of Taj Mahal!


I’m FAT.

Many times I’ve rolled my eyes and mentally sucker-punch silly girls who rave on and on about inner beauty sh*t. I’m like WTF?? If personality really did define beauty I’d be a Victoria Secrets Angel(!!) [wahaha did I just shamelessly claim I have a great personality??] with a gargantuan ad plastered over Times Square :D And Oprah would be a Maxim Girl of The Year and Miss Universe would look like your Add Maths tuition teacher or a random girl at the pasar malam. So save me the whole nonsense-a-gogo ‘bout the wonders of Little Miss Nice ‘cos if anything.. Little Miss Nice finishes last unless she has features and a body like Giselle Bundchen. Betul.. tak caya? *chuckles* OK OK so beauty is in the eye of the beholder but if that is so then why is it that pageant girls pretty much look the same..? But I did notice, apart from the h-h-hot factor, every race has few additional epitomes of attraction. Indian girls MUST be able to cook a yummylicious feast. They can have asses like Mount Kinabalu but if a morsel of their chicken kurma can stop World War 3, Indian guys are sold! Malay girls are expected to be this ‘Perempuan Melayu Terakhir’ with a good helping of mengada-ngada. Wahaha it’s true.. you’ll notice all those quiet meek tudung girls marry much earlier than the rest of us mortals. Malay boys like the “tehh” (mengada-ngada) sort.. you know those “Alaaa abanggggg” sort *wink wink*. Know what I’m talking ‘bout right? As for Chinese boys… oh boy… if you’re a Chinese girl you totally don’t need to know how to cook or play mengada-ngada.. it’s OK as long as you’re bloody damn thin with long hair and a quiet disposition. That’s all Chinese boys want. Seriously. All you’ve gotta do is be thin and NOT be so unfortunate looking. Simple. Finito. So you can see that’s where things get difficult for me hor?

This reminds me that I really really REALLY have to restart gym and running ‘cos my hedonistic Bali experience has supposedly left me more chubby than ever. Serious. When I came back from my holiday, the first thing Ah Thev said to me was NOT “Nice tan” or “You’re looking refreshed” or even “Hello”. It was, “Your face is round like a ball.” Aaargh I could have strangled him to death if there weren’t so many witnesses. Time for Project Thin-New-Me / Stick-Insect AGAIN. I hate being FAT.

I’m an absolute retard at first dates.

Verbal diarrhea. Silence. Alcohol overindulgence. Need I proceed? I’m seriously useless at first dates. Even worse is if I like the guy then I would be so conscious as to NOT show him how much I like him and at last end up looking like I was blowing him off. In this department I don’t really blame myself though. I’ve had a good share of terrible first dates which has left me quite phobic (one of the worst ones was my first date insist he fed me my entire dinner… whoah awkward!). Also despite how much I love my girlfriends they are horrid at setting me up. Sometimes it feels as if they only keep the good ones to themselves. But with our ever growing age and limited supply of good men it’s inevitable that this is how the game has turned to be *shrug*.

I filter.

I’m sorry but I do choose. Of course with age, the superficial requirements of which I thought mattered have slowly dissipated into reality. Despite that I am steadfast with my 5 Potential Suitors Commandments. You laugh but this is a big factor of why I’m still single. Unless the man fulfils ALL of my 5 Commandments I will not waiver. OK I did once waiver… I fell in love *shrug* But I’m older and wiser now and this time I won’t let juvenile donkey-love get in the way. I deserve something good ‘cos I know I’m a good person. I should have a person love me and want to make me happy ‘cos when I get with him I know all I wanna do is to make him happy too. Everyone thinks I’m too steep with my requirements but why shouldn’t I be? Why should I think I deserve any lesser? I’m not asking for a prince (though I wouldn’t mind one *giggle*). I’m just asking for a regular single guy who is financially viable that will want to build a home and family with me. Oh and he has to tolerate my quirks… Like I’ve told many before, yes there are many fishes in the sea but I’ve been fishing and trust me, most of the good ones have been fished out. It seems bleak but I still have faith so I’m still baiting my hook and throwing it into the water. Who knows I could get lucky?

You’re not leavin’ till you’re leavin’
Leavin’ with me
You’re not winnin’ till you’re winnin’
Winnin’ me
You’re not gettin’ till you’re gettin’
Gettin’ to me
You’re not livin’ till you’re livin’
Livin’ for me

... Potential Break Up Song, Aly + AJ ...

So thaaaaaat’s why I’m single.

Read: So the thing about me being single hor... (part 01)


LauraLeia said...

You go girl! I totally agree with you about the "epitomes of attraction" part! =D

the cili padi doctor said...

hey fren...

dun sound so pessimistic. i find that you r definitely hot stuff and only superficial guys who look at external factors wouldn't grab a good girl like u.

hey, thanx for the cool drink. it was chill..was it for ur bifday? must hang out wif u next time ler..

Clarisse Teagen said...

if you can't take alcohol :)
take fruits.. they'll will definitely not make you drunk.

WoMbOk™♂ said...

Very refreshing insight ;)

What did Robbie Williams sing again? something about 'all the good men are taken and the something something are gay." lol

Fatham. Use your imagination said...


I was somehow routed here and I read your post with interest. I totally agree on the superficial bit. Perhaps I may not have the same issue as you have per se (weight) but I certainly have battled with "superficial" issues. Guys basically used to ignore me when I'm in glasses and without makeup, and when I'm dressed up they're suddenly aware that I exist.

It's painful when I have to answer guys who ask where I'm from and I say "You know, I'm in your class. Yup, have always been. Yes, for the past 2 months now."

I feel you, girl. But to me you're certainly very beautiful and I hope that you'll find some guy who appreciates that. Don't settle!

renaye said...

hmm.. i don't really think that fat people can't get partners. i have seen girls that are big size like u having quite handsome bfs. so i guess u still haven't meet the guy at the right time. so have fun first!

Ashleigh said...

Hey, there is nothing wrong with being single! It's not a disability and stop treating it like one! If I were you, I'd enjoy my freedom to the fullest! =D

Anonymous said...

Quoting Renaye..."I have seen girls that are big size like u having quite handsome bfs" Big size I think not!! Shelby you are gorgeous and teeny and I love your blog (^^) x

shelbybaby said...

OMG work got me all awol for awhile only to be surprised by so many cheerio responses. lovva lovva y'all long time!

lauraleia: right?? right?? *mental kam-cheng*

dcilipadidr: no pessimistism at all but just a good dose of reality. alot of ppl tend to choose to not look at the ugly side of truth but we shouldn't.. acceptance is beauty. wahaha what am i saying? i'm drunk :P

clarisse: yes my yoda master. words accepted, processed, stored.

wombok: you will not believe it but i ALMOST (yea thisssss close) to quoting the same text *mental hi-5*

fatham: like totally!! absolutely not gonna settle just as yet *bisou*

renaye: wah... big size girls like me having handsome bfs?? where where?? i wanna go where they go bf-shopping.. woohoo :D

ashleigh: not treating it like a disability.. just simply explaining in utmost detail why i'm single so ppl wud just quit asking me about it already and hook me up!

anon: gorgeous and teeny?? moi?? oooh y'know i lurves you babydoll!!

miss yin yin said...

hey u :) reading some older blog of yours trying to catch up...

i do agree with what renaye said as i have seen wayyyyyyyyyyy too many of such cases in Melbourne and Australia till i lost count! everytime i saw or when R noticed, we would be telling each other..hmm maybe guys in Aussie land r not as shallow as asian men ahem ahem..even R being an MCA agrees :-)
so Dr Shelby, what r u waiting for? just pack ur bags and come visit me or move here for at least 1 year and see what happens


shelbybaby said...

miss yinyin: don't tempt me :P

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