Sunday, August 24, 2008

cold and dry

It’s a cold and rainy Sunday afternoon. There is a hidden track in Mika’s ‘Life In Cartoon Motion’ that I would cry to. I listen to it when things are not going good in the life department. Only problem is to repeat the track, you’ve gotta listen to ‘Happy Ending’ first which may prove to be quite troublesome. So I’m listening to it.. which pretty much suggests life is not awesome. Sometimes it just takes a 2 minutes 01:00 am phone call to turn your smile into a frown.

Last night ended badly.

I don’t get it. Why must I get pushed into dating people I don’t want to? I don’t think the ‘give him a chance.. he likes you’ excuse warrants any justification to compromise myself. Also is there some kind of stamp on my forehead that says ‘Losers Galore’?? ‘Cos, seriously, lately (especially last night) I’ve been winning way too much attention from that department. And you would think your good friends want the BEST for you… so what does it mean when you are actually coaxed and pleaded into dating a person that you don’t even respect?? I’m thinking does she think I’m that desperate? Or perhaps I’m like her: decidedly willing to settle? She accuses me of not loving myself enough. How’s this for self love?? I love myself not to just go out with some Tom-Dick-Harry. I love myself enough to know what I want from a man. Just ‘cos a person I fancy don’t fancy me back it doesn’t mean I go on a relationship rebellion and date some random ass. This is not how I work. I know what I want and will wait for what I want.

The wheel of karma says you get what you give. If I’m only attracting bad crop would it mean I’m pretty crappy myself? Am I bad quality? Never once paused to considered so… not ‘till now. Disturbing.

I suppose I’m most disappointed to know that the 2 people I thought knew me, as it presently seems, really do not know me at all! And it sure seems like they don’t even wish the best for me which *stabs heart* is painful. Not sure how to describe this feeling: a mixture of betrayal and disappointment maybe.. if you don’t want to help me find a man that I want, I’d rather you not help at all. Stop sending loafers / immigrant bartenders / jobless / drunkards / freaks my way. Please just stop. I’m not a social rubbish dump so just back off already.. I’ll find my own way.



Over my shoulder. Running away.
Feels like I'm falling. Losing my day.
Cold! And dry!
Cold! And dry.
Forgot my daylight. Torture my night.
Feels like I'm falling. Far out of sight.
Cold! Drunk!
Tired! Lost.
Over my shoulder. Running away.
Feels like I'm falling. Losing my way.
Cold! Dry!
Cold! And dry.
Forgot my daylight. Torture my night.
Feels like I'm falling. Far out of sight.
Cold! Drunk!
Cold! And drunk.
... Over My Shoulder, Mika (Life in Cartoon Motion) ...

2 comments:

WK said...

hey just happen to read your blog today and i want you to know something.

if someone were to ask me to name someone i know who truly knows how to love herself, your name is one of the first few that will pop up.

there are many crappy ppl out there who thinks that we can only be happy when we are attached. and it hurts when it's someone whom we think should know us, but in actual fact, do not.

stay strong. don't settle for second best. no matter what they say. never forget that.

shelbybaby said...

wk: *me rises from the dust as a flaming phoenix* booosh!! :)

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