Monday, July 07, 2008

dear auntie kim: quit playing games with my heart

A friend rang me up just awhile back for relationship talk. It’s been awhile since I put my ‘Dear Auntie Kim’ shoes on… was too busy sorting out my own social woes. Besides I have adopted the whole as-long-as-you’re-happy mentality to really bother ‘bout people’s politically correct relationships or not. With work and other matters of consequence, I have little energy to really bother with anybody’s issues other than my own.

So he is having concerns with a girl. They have been dating, according to him, pretty heavy duty-lah. But a couple of days ago when the lot of us went off for post-clubbing drinks, we bumped into her out with other friends. Perhaps it was alcohol-induced presumptions but he was not happy to know that he wasn’t informed prior she was going out.

Must inform meh?Him: Yah she should at least let me know she was going out with friends.
moi: Why must she do that? She ain’t your girlfriend.
Him: But we’re sort of going out what.. we should tell each other. How do you think I feel when I see her out with a bunch of boys?
moi: But if you’re JUST dating and have not established clearly that you are indeed dating EXCLUSIVELY, she can go out with anyone she damn wants to. She shouldn’t need to have to tell you anything.
moi: Are you both dating exclusively? Did you make clear grounds on this subject?
moi: Did you both tell each other there is noone else and you are just gonna see each other? If not, then you’re NOT dating exclusively. And if you feel she should be obliged to let you know her constant whereabouts, then you will have to establish your exclusive status.

Him: I thought we’re at the stage. I can’t believe we’re still playing games.. we should be over it.
moi: How old is she?
Him: 28.
moi: Well then it just goes to show she is not playing games. She just needs to know where you stand in the relationship and if you’re serious about things. You know… marriage… if both of you are heading there *verbal shrug* If you are really serious with her, let her know you are serious. But first you have to figure out if you are serious.
moi: 28 year old Indian girl is like being a 33 year old Chinese girl or a 24 year old Malay girl. It seems kinda ridiculous but some races really do ‘expire’ earlier before others. I know where she’s coming from. She’s so afraid you’re taking her for a ride… like, just for the company only. She’s not into friendship anymore… she’s looking for something substantial. I’m sure her parents aren’t helping… the pressure is surely on.
Him: Yah she once mentioned her parents were proposing some guys to her.
moi: And what is your response to that?
Him: You wanna marry (them)? Then marry (them)-lah!!. Keke.
moi: *laughs* Well then, did you mean it?Him: No. She should know I’m just joking what..
moi: You see how childish you reacted? Then again you are a boy *smirks* Well you just failed the test. She was finding out if you were gonna rescue from potential bad suitors and instead you just told her to jump off the cliff.Him: *laughs* Man you girls really do think differently from us boys.
moi: Y’think??Him: *falls a little quiet* She’s asking for It means she’s making a decision.
Him: What do you mean?moi: When a girl asks for space it usually means she is deciding between you and something else.. whatever that something else may be.
Him: Oh.
moi: Like this-lah, give her that space. You use the time out to think whether you like her or not. As in like her enough for the potential of love… marriage, family and all those big future stuff. If you are OK-go with it, let her know straight up. Tell her what you feel about her and what you are willing to offer her and how you’re gonna both work towards achieving mutual goals. It sounds so yucky-romantic and corny but she just wants to know that you are resolute. She deserves to know it anyway.

Right or wrong? Post your thoughts s’il vous plait…

Close shop on a positive note…

“I finally found someone
Who sweeps me off my feet
Finally found the one who makes me feel complete
It started over coffee
We started out as friends
It’s funny how from simple things the best things begin…”

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