Tuesday, June 03, 2008

the price of friendship

(msg)
Ah Choy:
You’re not gonna bring ur hols earlier to meet me? Wat d F*ck?
moi: Eh u nt extendg ur hols 2 meet me?? What d f*ck..
Ah Choy: Wtf? Me overseas hols ma, for one month some more, how long u want it to be? So shark how? Damn tiu la u, come back for boys but not me.

See this is why I hate my job sometimes and this is why it can get tiring to maintain rapport with people. As a houseman you only get 10 days leave (of which medical leaves ARE INCLUDED) per department. Mind you we work (FOR FREE) on weekends. Which means we literally only get 2 – 3 days off per month. Can you imagine working every single bloody day and only getting one weekend off per month?? Can you?? On a crappy pay lagi!! Can you?? This is one reality I find extremely hard to accept. My weekend days tripper travels are starting to take a toll on me. I am beginning to feel really really tired. I now limit non-leave kinda trips to weddings ‘cos well I love weddings. I love the entire idea of submitting yourself to a ‘the one’. I like to look at the outfits people wear and the door gifts we get to take home. Besides I think I would want people to make it to my wedding hence I ought to go to theirs first. Hard to explain ‘bout the rigid work commitments… I’m not like the rest of them, I can’t take emergency medical leave ‘cos, well, I’m in medicine and my people know medicine.

(msn)
Ah Ry:
damn... it's monday tomorrow!
Ah Ry: crap!

moi: y d sour face? ur favourite dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Ah Ry: oh yea! my favourite day indeed... i just loveeeeee mondays.. haha
Ah Ry: the day i have to wake up early for morning meetings... lol
moi: tats d spirit!!
Ah Ry: lol
moi: man i 'love' mondays too
Ah Ry: haha...
moi: i wish i cud write myself a darn mc
moi: dont feel like working tomorrow
Ah Ry: haha... well, but you can write one for me...
Ah Ry: lol
Ah Ry: :P

moi: yah lucky u n unlucky me
Ah Ry: hahaahah

So Ah Choy is back (and has been for quite awhile) for abit of a break. We are due to meet up but I just can’t find a suitable mutual time when we can. I want my gifts. I’m a m-m-material girl and presents make me deliriously happy!! 2 trips liao and I still didn’t get to wear my shark’s tooth necklace and claim my belated this-and-that presents. The best part is I get to choose, and you know how much I luuurve choosing gifts FOR MYSELF *giggle* Totally gets me on a glucose high. Yup yup Ah Choy’s me sugar daddy!! Fun right?!! Now to find a time when we can meet.

(msg)
Ah Choy:
Eh, u wan human’s tooth s well? I got lei!
moi: Wat human’s tooth?? As in maldvs aborigine kah??
Ah Choy: Something like tat. Wan? I put it in necklace. But not sharp wo.
moi: OMG!! Tat is super freaky.. Dowanlah!!
Ah Choy: Sure boh. Can pass wisdom to you wan wo. Ppl say la. Then u got plenty of wisdom ma. Dowan meh?
moi: Eh eh issit?? Really kah?? I really trust u 1 u know. Nak lah if cn pass wisdom. Cn make tat 1 in2 another necklace kah.. I still abit freakd by it. Cos maybe I wanna wear shark tooth alone sumtims..
Ah Choy: Hehe. Actually I just pulled my wisdom tooth. Second one. So I kept both, u wan, I put it in necklace lo. Hehe.
moi: Eeyerrrrr.. I am so grossed out!! Summore u wanna con me in2 thinkg ur rotten tooth cn bring me wisdom. Yuck yuck yuck :P

I can’t come home this Saturday ‘cos I’m on-call. He, on the other hand, will not be around Sunday ‘cos he’s going to Taman Negara. I can’t come home next weekend ‘cos I have an engagement to attend in Batu Gajah and I’m on-call Sunday. The weekend after that he’s gone back to Maldives-ler pulak. At the very most I could do is make a really quick dash after work ON A WEEKDAY, have tea with him for what.. 2 hours(??) and then do a 04:00 drive back. Just thinking about it makes me feel like drowning in fatigue *sigh* Apa boleh buat? He accuse me of being a bad friend if I don’t go see him. Summore I really really want my presents. That’s the price we housemen have to pay to maintain relationships-lah. Harder than calculus man.

No wonder doctors have no other friends apart from other doctors. Do you actually see people in ER / Scrubs / Grey’s Anatomy socializing with non-hospital related masyarakat?? The answer is NO. At most, if ever, would be patients / patients’ family / the girl working in the hospital library or something. I don’t think I’ve made any new NON-MEDICALLY RELATED acquaintances ever since I started work and I doubt that’s gonna change anytime soon. It’s pathetic and I don’t know how to turn things around for the better. When all your friends are doctors you can’t go out drinking ‘cos it would be somebody’s turn to be on-call tomorrow. Heck you can’t even find a mutual time to go out in a group ‘cos someone is some department would be on-call. And most of the time (I was gonna say ALL of the time but that would perhaps be a tad bit exaggerating) we’re tired… which is why I don’t ask my colleagues out ‘cos I don’t want them to feel obliged to eat with me if they’re tired. I don’t know but I’m constantly tired. Which really leaves no time and energy for things like hobbies: absolutely nonexistent in my dictionary for now and activities: acti.. huh??

I can understand why doctors are so frustrated. I just don’t understand why the Ministry of Health doesn’t. I mean if they are all into promoting mental health, why not start with the people who work for them? I don’t see anybody around me looking forward to work or just being plain happy to go on-call. How to memupuk commitment and passion like that? Even Miss CillaCilla who used to be bursting with positive energy has somewhat wilted along the way. We just do what we have to, to get through the day.

“It’s a sad, sad situation. And it’s getting more and more absurd.”

In the end I’m just angry. I’m angry to be posted to a place I DID NOT want to go. Why ask us to choose for a place when we’re not gonna be given it?? Why give KL postings to people who DON’T even WANT to go to KL?? And I’m angry because of how much I have to submit just to keep relationships alive. I’m not surprise when my MO tells me he has lost all contacts with friends outside the hospital. It just takes too much work and we’re just too tired.

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