Tuesday, April 29, 2008

married to our jobs

Tired. And slightly sad. Slightly because at first I was really unhappy and then I found out I was NOT oncall (I swear I really thought I was and even brought all my stuff with me and all) and turned deliriously ecstatic!! Miss ShiniShini caught a glimpse of me walking down her ward aisle…

(conversation)
Miss ShiniShini: What are you doing here??
moi: I’m on-call-lah.
Miss ShiniShini: You can’t be on-call.
moi: Tee-hee I am-lah *fake pout*
Miss ShiniShini: How are you on-call?
moi: I’m supposed to be replacing so-and-so who’s replacing so-and-so… I dunno I’m confused.. all I know is that I’m on-call.
Miss ShiniShini: You can’t be on-call because Ah Kant is on-call.
moi: HE IS??
Miss ShiniShini: And unless you want him to hear you’re on-call and let you take his call you better get outta here.
moi: *reaches over, puts my arms around Miss ShiniShini and nuzzles her shoulder*
moi: Thank you so much Miss ShiniShini. I lurve youuuuu… You really saved my life. I’ve been doing E.O.Ds (Every Other Days meaning alternate days, i.e Monday Wednesday Friday etc) 4 days in a row and I’m just so tired.
Miss ShiniShini: I know exactly what you mean. So go!
moi: *does a Roadrunner*

That was the good part of the day.

*sigh*

The bad part of the day was having to send a critical patient back to her home because she was deteriorating and families usually bring their loved ones to pass away at home. This Makcik D was admitted afew days after I got transferred to Ward 4A so we’re really familiar. She had a wicked sense of humour despite being slightly on the slow side… man she could crack some serious jokes! Her husband was always by her side. He allowed us to literally do anything with his wife.. take blood etc. He was never a difficult person to deal with. But I dunno why-lah (actually I do it’s her end-stage renal failure) her condition kept deteriorating. Today she collapsed (in med world collapse means cease breathing / pulseless etc..) and I almost thought she was going to go but she pulled through at my last ampoule of Atropine. Miss CillaCilla and I took turns bagging and performing CPR. So tired but she made it. Her husband came to check on us and her. I used to think he seemed so aloof and happy-go-lucky and not much of a lovey-dovey husband. But when he appeared with tears in his eyes I knew… I knew… I knew this old man loves her. And Miss CillaCilla reminded me the most important fact: he was by her side every day of that month she was in the hospital.

Ambulance rides are always bad. And when they said it was only a short distance to Makcik D’s place it was a darn LIE. I should have stock up on Maxolon and Mefenemic Acid tabs before jumping into the ride. I decided to teman Miss CillaCilla ‘cos it’s terribly tiring to bag alone. Seriously. Our job was to unplug everything from her the moment we touchdown her house and leave in a *snap*!! But somehow or rather things didn’t work that way and the family asked us to check if she was really gone. She could not have lasted 3 mins without the noradrenaline and assisted ventilation. She was really gone. We verified it and headed for the door. Her husband thanked us. I thanked him back ‘cos I didn’t know what else to say. I’m crap with goodbyes. Always has been which is almost why I don’t say it sometimes. I climbed back into the ambulance and thought to myself… CRAP.

Then I lost it-loh. I broke down. I shouldn’t. This is my job. I should be able to face this well. Not in a heartless sorta way but in a firm sorta way. Vulnerability isn’t in the books. Level-headedness and focus should be the highlighted words of my dictionary. So Miss CillaCilla saw me cry-lor. For many reasons… for a crappy weekend, a terrible start to the week and an ugly mid-week.

(msg)
Ah Seng: Food now?
moi: Food now!

Everyone was having a crappy time at work. So the 4 of us (Ah Seng, Miss CillaCilla, Miss ChitChit and moi) had a nice hawker dinner together and then we headed off to my mothership: 7-11 to get ice-cream. After that we sat by the sidewalk while chomping on our ice-cream. Ah Seng had initially wanted for us to lick them creams while looking at the Leaning Tower or TI which sounds utterly romantic but there was a pasar in town which deemed this Loversville excursion absolutely impossible. We just watched people buy random ridiculous objects from 7-11 and yabbered ‘bout work. Sometimes I think we talk about work too much but we don’t have lives apart from the hospital so I guess it’s only natural we talk about work. Way to go on personal lives huh?! Heh.

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