Thursday, August 23, 2007

the one he used to know

Sometimes when I’m utterly bored I look back on my past entries just to see how much I’ve progressed and if my writing has decelerated in quality. With the minimal books I’ve had the chance to read (and by books I mean Vogue and Elle magazines) I cannot help but cringe at how little my ecrive skills have developed. Oh well.

(msn)
moi: i dunno wat to say
moi: i got no more personality, remember?

Ah Choy: what happen to the bubbly, joyful and happy penguin i use to know
moi: the bird died. now there's just me. your damn loss

Another thing that startles me is how much more angry a person I’ve become within the quick span of 6 years. I get ticked off easily and retort with much brutality. I used to love people and now all they do is exasperate me or disappoint me. Not entirely sure how is it that I’ve evolved into such a witch with such a frustrated disposition… maybe just jaded-lah after everything. Everyday in Indon seems to be a tiresome battle. Yes, I’m no juvenile-garbage-picker or underage-prostitute but hey it ain’t easy being a medical student either *shrug* What don’t kill me can only make me stronger? Bullsh*t. What don’t kill me maims me more like it. It had all better be worth it in the end man. Having a doctor life had better be as Shelbulous as people promise me or as I’m made to imagine. Seriously. All those nights / wasted weekends picking books over birthdays had better have a huge payoff in the end man. Life had better start get interesting come November.

I don’t know about Malaysian students who study elsewhere-lah but almost everyone Malaysian I know here (in my batch at least) can’t f*cking wait to go home. You hear pretty much the same sh*t coming outta everyone’s mouths: “cannot take it already, hate being here, wanna go home, 2 months here is like 2 years, if I only knew studying medicine was like this-ah etc”. I also dunno why all of us despise it here. Isn’t it strange that all of us from such diverse backgrounds and ambitions can come to such an irrefutable verdict? Sometimes I wonder if I were to stay on in the UK, fast-forward 6 years, would I be as miserable as I am now or would I have, as Ah Choy fondly puts it, remained the bubbly, joyful and happy penguin he used to know? We’ll never know but it’s a thought.

These few weeks have been filled with serious projects: fellow students wanna mogok (protest rally), packing to ship stuff home, kebaya cloth-hunting, Malaysian students appeal to be relieved off magang etc… *sigh* can’t wait for the 2 months to be over with.

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