Tuesday, March 06, 2007

books over birthdays

Everyone wants me to go visit them. I’m SO NOT complaining but it gets hard when I get invited and, despite my absolute desire to hop onto the plane and go check out their new kitchenette at the other side of the globe, I cannot go. ‘Cos of work. It’s not even that valid an excuse! It’s getting trickier everytime I have to invent some new defence as to why I cannot leave what I’m doing and just do things for me. Sometimes I get so angry because my life is just so f*cking transitional. Nothing is for sure.. nothing is certain.. everything is so unpredictable. *sigh* I’ve come too far into my medical studies schedule to just halt in steps and try to smell the povidone iodine. Meaning I do everything for the betterment of my career(??) nowadays. I contemplate every step I take and every move I make… every single day everytime I pray I watch myself. I never do anything that could in any manner jeopardize my spot in medical school. This means staying home A LOT, tearing out party invitations if they’re within a fortnight of my examinations, spending time with myself, choosing books over birthdays, refraining from dyeing my hair or wearing a cute shift dress that lightly rides just above the upper half of my knee, drinking into my wits probably only 4 times a year (‘cos I only get 4 REAL weekends off in a year), giving up pilates / gym / yoga so that I don’t get too tired to work on my paperwork, giving up French just because.., duck when a consultant or a resident enters the same cafeteria I go, opening… *sigh*

I did not intend for this entry to be so b*atchy. I’m not even in such a b*atchy mood. I mean Dddy just rang me and we were going over deciding between a VW Beetle and an A-Class which left me in shock.. chirpy shock really. So there is no reason to be so b*atchy and I hate it that I came off that way too. It was supposed to be an entry to analyze how umm… intermediary my life has been and how I truly hope that things work out for this August so I can use the 3 months to make up for some ME time. I can finally learn swimming!!

Anyways I’ve got an exam to do so… *shrugs*

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