Friday, September 29, 2006

the return of mr hotstuff

I knoww!! I can't believe he's back. There I was moaning and groaning away over life's cruelties to Miss IreIre and Miss GraGra 'till Miss GraGra gave me a look and instructed me turn 3 o'clock. OmGGGG Hotstuff ALERT!! I was shocked... And then I remembered I looked like absolute crap with pre-jaga syndrome. Oh mannn, for all the days I got up early and got my hair all nice, I had to bump into him when I look like garbage (which is not a surprise 'cos I tend to bump into him whenever I look sh*tty, it's like i'm destined to meet him at my utter worst). I quickly slumped into my seat and used my hand as a lead (Pb) visor. I don't think he saw me and I intended to keep it that way. He looks so McDreamy as usual :P I wanted so much to speak to him but.. I couldn't risk it.

Before he left, he dropped by my table to say hi. Isn't that absolutely sweet of him?? He actually remembers me!! I was sooo delighted. He left me with a great big grin plastered on my face the rest of the day. In fact he mentioned he saw me and called out to me but I look so involved in my conversation to notice. HE NOTICED ME. YEAYYY!!

Must lose weight. Must reel in this big fish.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

is there a doctor?!!

Gonna attempt to puasa today: melatih EQ. It's a good relief the ER resuscitation room became empty by 1am. I needed time to take a nap and re-review my notes. Yup jaga tonight and exam the very next day!! Look at what freaking great luck I have... And not just some random examiner: the super senior professor who pioneered awake craniotomy anesthesia. I could just D I E.
It's been a tiring day both physically and mentally. I watched 2 people die before me today: a young lady and a 20 days old baby. I seem to witness a lot of deaths in anesthesiology. It's uncanny. I can now proceed through a "plus" (death) moment without breaking down. Still need to condition myself to not hurt so easily though.. but I swear I am improving. I was wondering when I'd be able to attempt CPR and I did earlier awhile ago... I hope to get more. I have this phobia that some day someone would just drop dead at my feet. I mean you watch all these tele shows and when something like this happens, someone would yell out that he's a doctor and proceed to perform chest compressions. Thing is, if it ever happens to me... I'm, supposedly like, the doctor-lah!! And the responsibility of having to resuscitate the lifeless man would fall on me and if I, like, dunno and stone.. The fella's wife would never forgive me. *sigh*

Maybe it’s the way doctors in general cope. Maybe they’re just plain jaded. Maybe many things but maybe they shouldn't crack jokes in front of weeping families. Thing is, I get it that sometimes you just have to take situations lightly in order to have a better mind set but then again people in general do not know this. They just see their dying kin and the doctor monkeying around like 9-year-olds.

I’m new. Death is still very foreign to me. I still get bummed when the EKG go asystole after persistent cardiac/respiratory resuscitation. I don’t know how to switch off so easily yet. I don’t know the right things to say while a father telephones his wife to tell her their daughter is dead. I don’t know how to console people when their mother has kicked the bucket. I suppose this is why doctors just tell the news and walk away. Staying would mean getting involved emotionally and with so many things buzzing about at the same time we just cannot afford to get involved. It’s too tiring and mostly it’s just too plain depressing.

I know 'cos I’m tired.

P.S. on a lighter note: Jaga kit: Pink Crocs (did you know Crocs were sorta meant for nurses?) which are the absolute envy of the hospital... they were such showstoppers and EVERYONE wanted to try them on 'cos they look like they came from Saturn. A nurse once commented that the Indon Ministry of Health should really look into allocating a Crocs subsidy for the nurses which I thought was freaking hilarious. Surgeons were absolutely in love with them, they wish they had mine in a more manly colour so they could withstand cramping operations; Tokidoki bambione filled with Littman stethoscope (designer stethoscope), BP set, thermometer, reflex hammer, measuring tape and scissors; First Aid Kit with sterile needles, iodine buds, alcohol wipes and heandcream (for all the handwashing).

Friday, September 22, 2006

just looking

"there's things i want
there's things i think i want
there's things i have
there's things i wanna have..."

I've seen this egg thing somewhere. Basically you can grow a plant in this egg thing. Real cool plants like herbs and sh*t not like taugeh or something lame like grass or lalang. How adorable.

This is my ULTIMATE FAVOURITE. You can get it in Urban Outfitters or Gadgetshop. I SO THE REGRET not getting myself one. It's so chirpy and pleasant and the best thing to wake up (other than your lover). Someone please make my day and buy me one!!

Ayo *me pengsans*


"i'm just looking

i'm not buying

i'm just looking

it keeps me smiling..."


P.S., disclaimer: images courtesy of Urban outfitters

anesthesiologically speaking, i'm ok

Tired-lah. This surgery seems to last forever!! We've been at it since half-past 8 and it's been 3 hours since. Mann... I'm cold and I'm tired. I ache all over and it does not help that blood is gushing outta my vagina like the Niagara Falls... All the while jotting down 15-minute interval of vital signs.

I got my first attempt at intubation today. About time since others are already searching for their third opportunity. Anywayy.. I wasn't successful the first time around. Despite being so absolutely sure I visualized the epiglottis, I ended up stuffing the tracheal tube down the esophagus instead.. pumping air into the stomach and NOT the lungs. I redid the gig and thank goodness this time it was right. Y'know, I do it so well on the freaking mannequin I figured I'd ace this in real life BIG time. Boy was I cocky!!

"I have a crush on you. I hope you feel the way that I do. I get a rush when I'm with you. Oh I've got a crush on you, a crush on you..."

It's official!! Mr Hotstuff is back in town!! This is SO ODD. I thought my internship in Surgery would have been the last opportunity EVER to get to know him well before he returns to Jakarta to marry his long-time beau and live happily ever after. I was so disappointed to find that he did not bother to stay for the last morning report (I did for him though.. I'M SO lame) but contented myself with all the sweet quirky moments we had managed to share. Back then I used to pray everyday that we'd have a chance to take a lovely picture together and with him gone I figured it just was never meant to be. He was faithful to his chick and I happen to be FAT. So he's back and supposedly back in the market (this I have yet to confirm). He intends to take up residency in the Orthopaedic Surgeon department. He did tell me his interest lies there (can't help but love a man with a plan!!). Everyone is giving me the hardest time about this 'cos I almost never have Indon crushes and this one I fell for hard!! Despite the fact I never once mentioned a thing while I was in Surgery but people could tell my penchant for him. It was only after he left that I figured it was safe to discuss my affections for him in public. I never thought the idiot would return!! And I'm still FAT. F*ck this sucks.

Then there's this new person, Dr Smarties. He is freaking intelligent. Not hot but I could pass him off as 'kinda cute maybe'. The first time he met me he probably thought I was nuts. I was yabbering away with my usual nonsensical sh*t and he asked me before I left if I was married :D The next day he invited me to go makan with him. I didn't go. I don't know why. I know absolutely nothing about him but as much as I'm curious about him, I couldn't really be bothered as well. Prior to this I came to a personal decree that I'm going to give the whole boy business abit of a rest for now. My attempts at searching for my soul mate were unfruitful and the whole Mr Orange fiasco really left me deflated. Personally it's like I don't know what I want. Going on dates left me feeling so *shrug* unsure. I really thought I wanted a relationship yet I couldn't bring myself to allow them in. And with Mr Orange.. I don't know what I was thinking there either. So decided to stick with the plan and just do A LOT of flirting / casual dating sans agenda.

Saturday, September 16, 2006


Aaarghhh!! So frustrated. This f*cking wireless Indosat (IM2) is totally unreliable. They’re only lucky I still bother to try using their line ‘cos I live nearby Ciwalk and I prefer to surf for sh*t on my own comp then go to a bloody internet shack. Thing is almost always their connections are restricted or f*cking DOWN. With so many life’s commitments I can only allocate a day in the week to do my weekly surfing: emails, online tabloids, fashion blogs, online purchasing and random websites. I’ve given up trying on Sundays but today’s not even the weekend: it’s f*cking FRIDAY!!

F*ck. Sunday got duty. Freaking 24 hours straight. Bet it’s gonna be so damn tiring: 12 hours Operation Room (OR) and the next 12 hours in the Resuscitation Room (RR). Do NOT look forward to jaga. I’m still recovering from jaga the other day.

Anesthesiology is proving to be extremely challenging. My medical physiology is so so poor in comparison to the group’s. I’m actually fortunate to have SOME answers to Dr Ruli’s questions so I don’t look like such a dunce and get sent to the corner (figure of speech). I, like, try to study but it never seems to be enough. There just seem to be so much more that I don’t know. The residents are pretty lovely people though. At least they’re not judes or jaim :) and this makes the learning environment so so fun. ME LIKES!! A couple of them recognize me from my previous attendance in the OR (Surgery department) *giggle* YEAYYY ME POPULAR!! And I’m quite the getting along with my mini-group mates and fellow Anesthesiology residents so that’s a relief too.


Ohhh can log in already!!


MUTHAF*CKA. I’m telling you. This is a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE TRIMESTER. I bought a new 50,000rp internet pre-paid card and the ch*ba* thing is empty. ZERO BALANCE. THE BLOODY CARD IS EMPTY. F*ck. And Sophiekins might not make it to 2nd year pharmacy. F*ck. And the management is forbidding us from pleading the Nuclear Med department to allow us to join their classes which means I forego a department which means I break my f*cking cycle. F*ck. I’m NOT thin. F*ck. And there’s no internet again.

Friday, September 15, 2006

me is a park avenue princess

Eat your heart out.

say hello to valerie

A good friend (we go back a looong way), Miss FooFoo, just had her precious first. Isn't the little gem precious?!! I sent her a cute IKEA baby mobile with dangling sheeps and cutey rainbows so the kid can count her way to la-la-land. Congratulations-lah babydoll :)

Thursday, September 14, 2006

eye see you


Aduuuh 2am already. I’m tired... I’m sure the others are far knackered than moi but goodness knows why I’m experiencing ultra fatigue. Either I’m due to get my period soon or I’m just not used to jaga / night duty. It’s been awhile since I had to jaga… since OBGYN issit (?!!) and that’s, like, MONTHS ago!! I can’t seem to pull the long haul anymore. Now at 1am I can feel myself drifting into la-la-land. Even in normal circumstances I can feel myself going into snooze mode ever once in awhile. It’s like I’m old or pregnant or anemic or something (none of which applies).
Awhile ago I was shivering and chattering in my teeth (which was why I popped home to get a jumper). Bloody ICU’s like Reykjavik or something. Feel like eating something. You know what, I’ll go have some fried rice. Mental note: Must STOP having eating thoughts.

Anesthesiology is a difficult subject. I attempted reading up on patient monitoring but it just drives me even more into bewilderment. Basically anesthesists are something like medical pilots: they’ve gotta possess quick responses, immediate decision-making abilities and good coordination between extremities. They check the equipment before a surgery can take off and they’re the ones who decide whether the surgery can be performed at that certain moment or the contrary.

They aid in pain management and determine a patient’s conscious level during surgery. This is a big responsibility… they actually make a person well alive go into a state of reversible unconsciousness: your body’s vital functions slow down and you could temporarily, for awhile, experience d e a t h. Anesthesists must have strong backgrounds in all medical fields as their specialty is responsible in aiding facilitation between departments. This is where I lack. Mannn I’m in trouble. I wish I had Miss IreIre’s brain. She’s so f*cking intelligent!! Today we touched the physiology of the heart and of course-lah yours truly can be the dimmest rock on earth while Miss IreIre rattled away on the Circle of Willis. To make up for my frontal lobe insufficiency, I quickly read up on circulation today but I bet what I know is just miniscule in comparison to Miss IreIre, Miss GraGra and Ah Pers.

Painful zits are popping up my face like nobody’s business. Must be all the pressure I’ve been having lately. Dermatology, despite the happy ending, did drive me up the wall. Being the fool in class is not fun at all. Then there’s the whole problematic issue over Nuclear Medicine department NOT allowing those who did not attend the workshop during the previous 1-week holiday (me included) to join the classes!! They’ve already denied 7 of ‘em from the previous mini group and I’m due soon. Ayooo for 1 whole f*cking year people have been skipping Nuclear Medicine workshops and they get to enter the department scot-free. It just had to be my major group to be so “hakk”!! Then it’s the taking care of Miss IyanIyan: very tiring… She still refuses to eat. Goodness knows when she can recover at this rate. With jaga I can’t afford to spend that much energy / time on her anymore. now with anaesthesiology being such a handsful and between juggling it with pilates and gym (ambitious non??) I understand how it’s possible I found (and plucked) 9 strands of white hair from my scalp. Also my stylus tip broke. And it’s my spare stylus pula tu…

OK-lah I better attempt to sleep for 2 hours now that I’m done with the paperwork so I can have some form of energy tomorrow.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

me does candystriper (again)

I’m currently in the Parahyangan (first-class) ward ‘cos it’s my turn to watch Miss IyanIyan. She got admitted a couple of days ago and all of us (Miss MasMas, Miss JoeJoe, Miss KosKos and moi) have been running around arranging our schedule so that someone would be available to care for her. Thank goodness Miss JoeJoe is on abit of a holiday so she could help out during work hours. Her working diagnosis: Dengue fever. Now the real odd thing is that none of her family is down to see her. I don’t understand the mechanics of her family. When we called her mother up, she asked us to consult her husband and when we consulted Miss IyanIyan’s father, he said he was due overseas and noone is currently available to come care for her. Uh… WTF?!! Her mother-leh?? I mean she’s like the family gem so come take care of your own daughter-lah!! It sounds as if I’m complaining but seriously, despite the fact I do not mind caring for a good friend, I really think one of her family members should be down here ‘cos we’re all so freakin’ packed to the brim with work. Right now we’ve all taken shifts (except Miss KosKos ‘cos her parents are down) and mine is effective starting now. We try to spend as much time in the hospital as possible and it’s a good thing we stay so nearby so circumstances are still convenient. I just relieved Miss MasMas (her shift was last night) off her duty. She needs to get some chores done before her night shift begins in the evening. She’s in Pediatrics now. I will start duties next week: Anestesiology. So Miss JoeJoe will come over in the evening to take over ‘cos I need to go prepare for my next department (like study for the pretest and get materials ready for studying). At least I know for myself that Dddy himself will either take the next flight down or get Mmmy to do so should this *touch wood* ever happen to me ‘cos he wouldn’t wanna burden my friends with this sorta responsibility. Besides Miss IyanIyan looks so vulnerable and unhappy… it would be nice if she had kin over. Right now she’s suffering from anorexia / bulimia. She either does not want to eat or ends up puking everything that passes into her system. We have resorted to feeding her as she inhales Tiger Balm so that she could have SOME form of nutrient entering her body. How to sembuh if tak makan?? She knows the mechanics of immunity… thus she needs to EAT!!

Wahh 3 weeks done. How odd!! I didn’t even realize this. Dermatology department is over. I got a B++ which is OK considering the fact nobody scored an A. Surprised-leh?? I surprised myself!! I mean I’m such a moron in class. Trust me, my group members are freaking geniuses!! They’re the PPCD (Masters) lot that just got in after completing their Masters classes and like I mentioned before they’re, like, bloody smarty-pants OK. I haven’t even gotten down to memorizing the drug managements and they’re already mumbling dosing schedules under their breaths. They are such nice and great people too that I cannot find it in myself to hate them. Anyways now they probably hate me ‘cos I, like, got B++ despite how pea-brained I am. I guess I was just plain fortunate to get a nice examiner and that my preceptor was super generous with my marks. Thank goodness I’m not the world’s-most-hated-person so maybe me being likeable helps. *phew*

Hehe Miss IyanIyan loathes my presence ‘cos I’m not lenient like the other girls. She finds me to be such a drill mistress. Nurse garang they call me. Although I make her laugh but I get serious when it’s time to get serious. I clear the place up and pile my magazines in the corner in case she / guests get bored. I help her disconnect her i.v. so she can get to the loo and then help her pasang it again. I ensure she gets her meds taken and most of all I really make sure she eats and sits by her ‘till she finishes at least half of her bubur. She of all people should know better the mechanics of increased immunity lies not only in rest but also in food. Funny how we can coax people but we can’t seem to coax ourselves. In a sense, it’s great we’re all med-interns so we know how to disconnect and rid the transfusion of air bubbles (so won’t die of air embolism) and do other things normal people wouldn’t know is important.

When I get home, I'll have to study Anaesthesiology. I have zilch knowledge on the subject.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

rose bush

I am starting to hate my hair.
I know I know I asked for the freaking layers and I DID ask for shorter. Yes. But still, it shouldn’t be THIIIIIS short and done THAAAAAT layered!! I’m a 2-legged shaggy dog. Now I’m reminded of why I do not get haircuts in Indon and why I still bring the big bucks to over-priced stylists like Ah Gibson in Peek-a-Boo. I hate my hair. It’s so short it’s… it’s… it’s so short *heaves heavy breath*.

I love my Brazilian though. It’s called Full Bikini wax here.

I’ve discovered something awfully great. It’s dry-cleaning delivered!! OMGGG this is absolute heaven. I can call and get people to come collect my grimy silk batik baju kurungs and period-stained Zara silk skirts and they’ll send it to me when they’re done. It comes of course with a great big price tag. I had to swallow that lump in my throat when the girl rang the number out. Still, quality can come with quantity and in this case quantity happens to be 149,500 rp. The place is called Hade Laundry and Dry-cleaning and they handle the clothes with International Standards *approving nod*. The most mystical thing is that I was actually looking for another dry-cleaning place and stumbled upon this one instead. I like it that they have got different systems for different sorta materials:

Drycleaning: wool blend suits / trousers, batik silk, silk dresses, etc…
Laundry: jeans, sotton shirts, blankets / comforters (down), towels, bedsheets, etc…
Wet Cleaning: delicate wedding gowns, party dresses, fine clothes / kebaya, etc…
Carpet care: all kinds of carpet
Leather & suede care: leather & suede jackets, leather slacks, ladies handbags, etc…

I read something really interesting by Jane Herman in Vogue USA September issue (yes the one with Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette…SO VERY NICE!! I’m so proud to have this along with my naked Britney on the cover of August Harper’s Bazaar) regarding the matters of dry-cleaning:

“It is not really dry. It is very, very wet. The process is dubbed “dry” because compound cleaning solvents are used in lieu of water, which can shrink and stiffen fabrics like cashmere and silk. In most cases, when clothes are dry-cleaned they’re submerged in a liquid solvent and exposed to heat inside a huge industrial machine that can hold up to 100 pounds of clothes. Finally, steamed or pressed, each garment is draped on a wire hanger and packaged with tissue paper and a clear plastic casing.”

P.S: Kate Moss is featured in 7 glossy ads in Vogue USA chunky September issue : Dior, Louis Vuitton, Burberry, David Yurman, Versace, Longchamp, Stella McCartney. And they said she was losing jobs ‘cos of the whole rehab business and whatnot. Mana ada?? Banyak OK: seven!! Man she’s SO on the roll right now. She had better bulk up on fixed-deposits while it lasts.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

hello kitty secret house

I was mostly quiet during my week’s break back home, apart from the obvious *rolls my eyes*, due to the fact Dddy prohibited me from attending a Hello Kitty convention in Hong Kong. It’s called Hello Kitty Secret House and they're showcasing Hello Kitty's world in relation to ourselves. Yea that's it fellow Hello Kitty friends, we get to experience what it's like to PLAY ALONGSIDE Hello Kitty and tag along on her daily activities. Yea for some of you it's *yawn* but or me it's like a day in the Luke Skywalker galaxy playground kinda sh*t. Mannn!!

It’s like depriving a Britney fan from attending a semi-exclusive autograph session or a tiger from juicy red meat etc… I threw a hissy fit and moped around for 3 days. It didn’t come to any good ‘cos Dddy, apparently, was ignorant to my tantrums. Bloody hell. What’s a girl to do to get some attention around here?? Men!! What do they know about passion and love for merchandising?? All they give a damn about is sports and the freaking news. Well my idea of sports-and-news is the HELLO KITTY CONVENTION IN HONG KONG. Goodness knows when else will I ever get such an opportunity again considering my absolute lack in holidays and sh*t timing?? I was so disappointed. It’s not like Dddy to be so non-condescending. He usually gives me almost everything I request for. This time he even put his foot down… he DOES NOT agree to me going to Hong Kong [no permission from Dddy, no money. Yes, I don’t have savings. F*ck me for not being frugal]. Period. F*ck. And for that I missed out on an opportunity to buy these wonderful wonderful items *saliva leaks down the corner of my mouth*:

Metal Key ring

Secret Apple Mobile Stand

1GB USB flash (with extend cable)

Since we’re on the subject of Hong Kong and Hello Kitty and stuff, it has come to my attention that Lord Kenny Sia photographed this image while trotting about Kowloon (??) or Tsim Tsa Tsui (??) or whachamacalit.

I immediately got down to yahoo-ing what on earth was up with McDonald's Hong Kong and apparently there’s a Sweet Colours of Summer promotion for the summer of 2006 and they had 16 limited edition bright and colourful Hello Kitty and friends figurines (very Lego-like Hello Kitty). Waaahh so nice!!

AAARGHHHHH another reason to beat myself up over the fact I cannot go to Hong Kong. Why are all the good things happening in Hong Kong anyways?!! That place use to be SARS central!! *thumps forehead on cement wall* Damn Chinese Jap-wannabes!! Aiiiii instead I had to settle for my Indon / M’sian version. They’re kawaii too.

Story goes like this: I was riding on an angkot on the way home from the village Puskesmas, taking a different route than usual, when I zipped pass a McDonald’s outlet. There was a big poster advertisement up front and it had a picture of a Hello Kitty on it. My mind got into a frenzy and I got really thrilled. Hello Kitty Happy MEAAAAALLLL!!!!! YEAYYY :) The very next day (I very busy-lah OK. One day shouldn’t make such a difference) I bumbled into my nearby McDonald’s to state claim the ballerina and honey-bee. To my utter dismay, they sold out ALL THEIR HELLO KITTIES IN A WEEK. WHAT?!! It wasn’t even the weekend yet!! WTF?!! It was as if I disbelieved my ears ‘cos I had to make the girl repeat thrice that they had sold out on the Hello Kitty line and all that was left were the crummy Racing Cars.

McDonald’s counter-girl: Udah habis m’bak.
moi: APA??
McDonald’s counter-girl: Udah habis kelmarin.
moi: KOK BISA?? Udah habis?? Benaran??
McDonald’s counter-girl: Udah habis m’bak. [I know she probably thinks I’m retarded or autisitic or that my tympanic membrane is probably perforated due to my iPod overuse]

I don’t want the crappy cars!! I want my Hello Kitty!! How on earth can a McDonald’s sell out of their Happy Meal toys?? They should learn to space it out in a week like how they do back home in Malaysia. One week ONE DESIGN MAHHH!! Ayooooo *thumps head on McDonald’s service counter top* See now people, say moi, can’t get any ‘cos of their silly marketing strategy. I threw a hissy fit after that. It was early in the morning… and I was cranky.

I did get my toys after all post-sourcing the 5th McDonald’s in town!! At first the lady brought out the last remaining few of what they have which consisted of the ballerina and 3 identical ones which I did not want. I was fortunate they still had the ballerina. She saw the disappointment in my eyes, I believe, ‘cos she bothered to ask me which Hello Kitty I was looking for. Such a sweet person. I pointed to the bumble-bee but she did not understand my crappy Indon so I buzzed like a bee and did flappy wings with my hand. She walked into a secret room and fished, for what seems like an eon, and came out with YEAAA YOU GUESSED IT: a bumble bee in her hand!! I bought 2 Happy Meals in a day which pumped me with double joy!! They are so imut / kawaii / cute!! I couldn’t wait to bring them home to meet the rest of the family… they’s be alone no more kekeke.

P.S., disclaimer: all Hello Kitty Secret House merchandise images courtesy of Hello Kitty Secret House; all McDonald's Sweet Colours of Summer images courtesy of McDonald's Hong Kong

so good. so much. so share.

Italiennies, The Curve:

Hung out in Laundry Bar before it got just way too noisy for f*cks. I mean that place is turning into some kinda college canteen with truck loadsa college kids and probably underage drinkers. Did I just say 'kids'?? I am aging before I know it. Spent time catching up and downloading Miss ChongChong's new ringtone: Teriyaki Boyz' Tokyo Drift. She didn't even know where the song originated from. And I pulak LOVED Fast & Furious Tokyo Drift!! Where's the equation there??

Miss BellaBella and I. She tired from work. I tired just because.

Miss ChongChong and Miss TanTan tired too. Working people *rolls eyes*

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