Monday, August 28, 2006

the pouf

“The hardest part was letting go, NOT taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to think but I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part…”
…Coldplay, The Hardest Part…

It helps to be in Indon. It helps to be away from the source of my sorrow. I think things are beginning to improve. I have decided that last night was the last night I was going to feel sorry for myself. You know he mocked me. Yup the little punk MOCKED me. This happened last week when we were at the same freaking restaurant where we had the mustard dare. Oh boy. I almost pengsan-ed when the mustard waiter came offering. The ground might as well open up and swallow me whole. Guess what the freaking hobbit said to me?!! He asked me if I wanted to have another go at the dare. More precisely he asked me if I wanted to drown my corn in mustard and see who can finish up the dollop of yellow French wasabi the fastest. I was stunned. He mocked me. He was mocking my folder. He was mocking my feelings for him. How dare he?!! By mocking my folder he belittled my feelings for him and that is just unforgivable!! Plain mean. WTF?!! He must think it’s funny. OMG WTF?!! I don’t care if Miss KosKos thinks he was just trying to be cute or that Miss RemRem thinks he was just teasing to check out my reaction. Why would he even wanna do that?!! Check my reaction?? What?!! OK so it’s kinda funny but it’s also kinda angryfying (is that even a word??) which enrages me even more ‘cos you can’t laugh and be angry at a person at the same time. I choose the latter.

Now, onto happy things like fashion…

“You’re considered superficial and silly if you’re interested in fashion. But I think you can be substantial and still be interested in frivolity.”
… Sofia Coppola, Teen Queen (Vogue) …

Since last night was gonna be the last night of Self-Pity Week, I decided to celebrate with a great big purchase of sushi, Vogue USA (chunky September issue with Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette on the cover. Me very likes!!), a bottle of Bordeaux and a tub of Melon Haagen Daz. I was gonna start diving into my work from next week onwards. I lighted my L’Occitane Lily Of The Valley candle, slapped on an SK-II Whitening mask and let myself wander into my poncy-poncy (happy) world.

“She had a great passion and that was for fashion. She dressed to be in fashion, she got into debt for fashion, she was witty and a flirt – all to be in fashion.”
…Comtesse de Boigne (Marie Antoinette memoirist), Teen Queen (Vogue)…

I will resume my Pilates classes and hopefully be able to squeeze in some cardio in the gym. I will make a study plan to cover all the main Dermatological cases in 2 weeks:
Herpes zoster / Varicella
Scabies / Pediculosis corporis
Dermatomycosis, Folliculitis / Furuncle / Carbuncle / Erisipelas
Leprosy / Morbus Hansen
Psoriasis vulgaris / Seborrheic dermatitis
Atopic dermatitis / Allergic Contact dermatitis / Nummular eczema / Neurodermatitis
Acne vulgaris
Sexual Transmitted Disease

I will get a haircut and a Brazilian wax. Miss KosKos and I will go get a manicure and maybe I’ll treat myself to a reflexology massage. Not that I was ever that miserable but I’m starting to get my happy back. I just need a little more time to get over him and accept the rejection peacefully. Also I had to gather enough strength to box him. Yes, he’s heading into shelving [this happens when I finally get it that things are not going to happen. That everything was just a painful mirage and that it is now all under control. And so, I pick my heart off my sleeve, dust the dirt of my shoulders, gather the pieces of him lying in my memories and place them gently into a box. I wrap them up with tissue and knot satin ribbons around them. Then I lock it and put it away for safe-keeping]. If he thinks I’m going to be sticking around he is strongly mistaken. I really think I’m a great person. In fact, I’m a catch. I’m relatively nice with a colourful personality. People pretty much like me especially their family. I come from a good home and (currently still) receive good education. I may not have THE BODY (Heidi Klum vs Elle MacPherson) but I rather have my face than some other. It’s kinda cute. It makes people laugh. So if he thinks I’m going to remain perched by the window for him he really thought wrong. I’m just sorry he was not matured enough to realize what a wonderful individual I am. Who knows karma might come bite him back in the ass and the day he decided he wanted to give us a try will be the day I fell out of love..? So yes I am starting to put myself back together. I like him but I will initiate de-liking mode.

“Walau ku masih mencintaimu
Ku harus meninggalkanmu
Ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Ku harus merelakanmu…”
… Samsons, Bukan Diriku …

And I will return to being SINGLE & FABULOUS me.

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