Monday, August 28, 2006

the pouf

“The hardest part was letting go, NOT taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to think but I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part…”
…Coldplay, The Hardest Part…

It helps to be in Indon. It helps to be away from the source of my sorrow. I think things are beginning to improve. I have decided that last night was the last night I was going to feel sorry for myself. You know he mocked me. Yup the little punk MOCKED me. This happened last week when we were at the same freaking restaurant where we had the mustard dare. Oh boy. I almost pengsan-ed when the mustard waiter came offering. The ground might as well open up and swallow me whole. Guess what the freaking hobbit said to me?!! He asked me if I wanted to have another go at the dare. More precisely he asked me if I wanted to drown my corn in mustard and see who can finish up the dollop of yellow French wasabi the fastest. I was stunned. He mocked me. He was mocking my folder. He was mocking my feelings for him. How dare he?!! By mocking my folder he belittled my feelings for him and that is just unforgivable!! Plain mean. WTF?!! He must think it’s funny. OMG WTF?!! I don’t care if Miss KosKos thinks he was just trying to be cute or that Miss RemRem thinks he was just teasing to check out my reaction. Why would he even wanna do that?!! Check my reaction?? What?!! OK so it’s kinda funny but it’s also kinda angryfying (is that even a word??) which enrages me even more ‘cos you can’t laugh and be angry at a person at the same time. I choose the latter.

Now, onto happy things like fashion…

“You’re considered superficial and silly if you’re interested in fashion. But I think you can be substantial and still be interested in frivolity.”
… Sofia Coppola, Teen Queen (Vogue) …

Since last night was gonna be the last night of Self-Pity Week, I decided to celebrate with a great big purchase of sushi, Vogue USA (chunky September issue with Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette on the cover. Me very likes!!), a bottle of Bordeaux and a tub of Melon Haagen Daz. I was gonna start diving into my work from next week onwards. I lighted my L’Occitane Lily Of The Valley candle, slapped on an SK-II Whitening mask and let myself wander into my poncy-poncy (happy) world.

“She had a great passion and that was for fashion. She dressed to be in fashion, she got into debt for fashion, she was witty and a flirt – all to be in fashion.”
…Comtesse de Boigne (Marie Antoinette memoirist), Teen Queen (Vogue)…

I will resume my Pilates classes and hopefully be able to squeeze in some cardio in the gym. I will make a study plan to cover all the main Dermatological cases in 2 weeks:
Herpes zoster / Varicella
Scabies / Pediculosis corporis
Dermatomycosis, Folliculitis / Furuncle / Carbuncle / Erisipelas
Leprosy / Morbus Hansen
Psoriasis vulgaris / Seborrheic dermatitis
Atopic dermatitis / Allergic Contact dermatitis / Nummular eczema / Neurodermatitis
Acne vulgaris
Sexual Transmitted Disease

I will get a haircut and a Brazilian wax. Miss KosKos and I will go get a manicure and maybe I’ll treat myself to a reflexology massage. Not that I was ever that miserable but I’m starting to get my happy back. I just need a little more time to get over him and accept the rejection peacefully. Also I had to gather enough strength to box him. Yes, he’s heading into shelving [this happens when I finally get it that things are not going to happen. That everything was just a painful mirage and that it is now all under control. And so, I pick my heart off my sleeve, dust the dirt of my shoulders, gather the pieces of him lying in my memories and place them gently into a box. I wrap them up with tissue and knot satin ribbons around them. Then I lock it and put it away for safe-keeping]. If he thinks I’m going to be sticking around he is strongly mistaken. I really think I’m a great person. In fact, I’m a catch. I’m relatively nice with a colourful personality. People pretty much like me especially their family. I come from a good home and (currently still) receive good education. I may not have THE BODY (Heidi Klum vs Elle MacPherson) but I rather have my face than some other. It’s kinda cute. It makes people laugh. So if he thinks I’m going to remain perched by the window for him he really thought wrong. I’m just sorry he was not matured enough to realize what a wonderful individual I am. Who knows karma might come bite him back in the ass and the day he decided he wanted to give us a try will be the day I fell out of love..? So yes I am starting to put myself back together. I like him but I will initiate de-liking mode.

“Walau ku masih mencintaimu
Ku harus meninggalkanmu
Ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Ku harus merelakanmu…”
… Samsons, Bukan Diriku …

And I will return to being SINGLE & FABULOUS me.

Friday, August 25, 2006

don’t be a fool. protect your tool.

Sometimes an hour can glide by in a jiffy.. And sometimes it can feel like a century. Got done with my gig at the polyclinic and am waiting 'till it's time for me to punch out so I can get on with life.

Dermatology has been pretty OK so far but I don't think I've been too impressive. Just feel so tired and lazy to step up. Perhaps when the fatigue (et causa menses) blows over I can regain some form of diligence. The Dermatology department is heavily populated with the female species. It can be a tad yucky 'cos women are b*tchy!! Especially great complexion, heavily-dyed hair, power morning make-up, on top of their game kinda women. Trying to get used to things and see how I can wiggle between their snide remarks and rude comments.

A patient, Retro-Sunglasses, was brought to our attention yesterday. He was Miss IreIre's patient so we manage to get the full-cover even after he left. The boy has Condyloma acuminata.
**Just so you know:

Mucosal Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) infections are the second most common (most common being Gonorrhea in Indon) Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) seen by dermatologists. Commonly known as genital warts, they come in 4 clinical types:
  • Small and flat lesions
  • Cauliflower-looking lesions
  • Stiff, keratinized lesions
  • Flat-topped plaque lesions

They are generally skin-coloured, pink, red, tan or brown located at the glans penis (aka d*ckhead), shaft and/or scrotum in men while at the labia (aka p*ssy lips), clitoris, perineum and vagina area in women. This is a highly infectious disease and those infected develops symptoms usually after 3 months post-sexual contact: genital-genital, oral-genital, genital-anal. Microabrasions that occur on the skin epithelial surface allow virions from an infected partner to gain access to the basal cell layer of a non-infected partner. Usually the patient feels nothing except for the cosmetic appearance. However there could be complaints of itching, burning, vaginal or urethral discharge as well as pelvic pain. This infection PERSISTS FOR LIFE and recurs even when immune function is normal. Primary goal of treatment is to eradicate visible genital warts. If untreated, visible genital warts may resolve on their own, remain unchanged or increase in size and number.

(Fitzpatrick’s Color Atlas & Synopsis of Clinical Dermatology)

If you’re promiscuous, do pay a visit to your nether regions armed with a really good hand-mirror and check your vagina / penis properly. USE CONDOMS (Adoiii how many times you want me to repeat this). Don’t go and pass pass the disease to other unfortunate people. Should you feel suspicious of funny vegetation growing around your bits, go get it examined by a family doctor or dermatologist.

Don’t be a FOOL. Protect your TOOL.

I just knew the dude ain't straight 'cos he walked in with denim capris, great hair and retro sunglasses (hence I christened him so). Yes, you'd probably see male denim capris over Hugo Boss' runway or perhaps it's something D’squared might come up with but I'm dead sure NO straight dude would EVER purchase the damn pants no matter how freaking metrosexual he is. I'm not speaking about cut-offs or bermudas but capris... Yea you heard me: tapering, slightly elastic, practically at the kneecaps CAPRIS.*giggle* Personally, he looked better than Victoria Beckham.

His sad story, according to Miss IreIre ‘cos she took his history… was that he never really had the preference for men. When asked how he got about having homosexual relationships, he replied that a friend tried it out on him years back when he was around 13. He didn’t really know where to go from there and came to accept homosexuality as his choice of sexuality ‘cos it was far more convenient worr… Hmm so it’s not just the closet gays who are being oppressed into succumbing to heterosexuality but confused heterosexuals obligated to homosexuality as well. Quite kesian him also-lah ‘cos he only had 3 partners between 8 years and the latest, a 3-month-old relationship, gave him Condyloma. *sigh*

P.S: search for Condyloma images on Yahoo

Thursday, August 24, 2006

happy feng-shui

Haven’t stopped crying since the night I was due here ‘till today. Got my period last night which explains the insane hormone overload.
I miss (christened it…) Pillow Positivity. Got it in IKEA the day before I had to leave. It’s so happy looking. Teman-ed me when I was feeling absolutely rubbish the entire Sunday.

I’m so pissed with myself. Why do I let him make me so happy?? What is wrong with me that I think I’m happier when he talks to me?? I actually think I look prettier when I’m around him: as if my skin glows and my hair very the theng-wah. I mean there I was lying in bed sobbing my eyes out (the standard pre-Indon-blues) when he msgs me to apologize for not having time for me and that things’ll be better the next time. With that, the very next second I'm bouncing out of bed, clearing all the tissues from my floor and finishing up on packing. It’s, like, I felt all better in a snap. Why does he have so much power over me?? I can’t imagine what it is about him that rules me?! The only person with such supremacy is Dddy and even Dddy can’t make me smile on back-to-Indon-blues days.

I’m tired really. I’m tired of hating him. ‘Cos hating him takes so much work. But I have to try to hate him in order to NOT like him. ‘Cos liking him is even MORE tiring than hating him.

What about HIM NOT LIKING ME that I don’t understand?? Why is it so hard for me plaster this within my thick skull of a head?!! He does NOT like me. OMGGG I’m so cacat!!

I don’t like this side of me. It’s so vulnerable that it’s meluat. I’m NEVER THIS WEAK!!

Other than that I’m starting to come to terms with the fact I’m back. The reality has started to kick in and life will return to its normal cycle the moment I get my study plan into gear. It’s been half a year of long departments that I’ve forgotten how it’s like to be in the triplet-minis. I’ll be commencing with Dermatology going into Anaesthesiology next and ending with Radiology. I really pray I pass all of ‘em departments so I can have that measly 1 week break at the end of it. You cannot imagine how much I really need holidays.
Slowly clearing up the room. Trying to get it liveable by the end of the week. I’ve straightened out some stuff like throwing out A LOT of crap, stuffing books and notes back into shelves and shoving messes into neater piles. By the weekend I would have changed my period-stained sheets, replace fresh mats and towels, sort out piles, throw more rubbish away and send off dry-cleaning. Hopefully this will invite lots of happy feng-shui into my life. Goodness knows how much I need it.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

“another aeroplane… another sunny day”

I go home tomorrow!! YESSSSS (an orgasmic one too)!! So this means I passed Public Health with today being judicium and all. Scored only a B *gag*. With the rate I’m going I’m gonna have a real sh*t cumulative GPA in the end. Have to really start bucking up. I mean I haven’t gotten an A since Opthalmology and that was my FIRST department!! I have slacken wayyy too much. Yeah so I’m starting to care about my grades… *narrows brows* go throw yourself off a cliff: Armageddon is near!!

Bought a whole loada crap today which only means my luggage is going to weigh a damn right ton as always. Why can’t I ever travel light?!! I can’t even recall a time when I did!! Atrocious is what it is..!! Will show images of my crap when I get home to a better camera… I’m just too lazy to take pictures of them now that they’re all snug and tight in the suitcase.

Having abit of mixed emotions about going home. Kinda strange since the only emotions I ever got when it came to going home was sheer glee… now it’s umm bittersweet-ish. Been over a month since the “incident”. I don’t know if I’ve recovered or recovering or still attempting at recovery. Haven’t had that much time and energy to process things. Don’t even know if I wanna tell him I’m home. We’ll see-lah.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

these balls are made for eating

The only reason why I'd ever miss Public Health is that the route home from the Puskesmas on the angkot takes us by this magnificent bola ubi warung. I've walked past it a thousand times but never knew what the f*ck it was 'till I got sick of wondering and decided I'd risk a stomach bug... so I gave it a try-loh. WAAAAHHHH CAN DIEEEE so sedap-lah. Dirty but sedap. It's crispy on the outside and rubbery hollow in the inside. Even though it's as big as a golf ball but once you stuff it in your mouth it deflates into a starchy jelly-like pancake. Damn addictive.

my first pedicure: nail studio, 1utama

I've never had a pedicure. Can you imagine?? Moi c'est princess never had foot therapy?!! How unheard of!! I decided to remedy this unfriendly situation by finally creeping into those cheerleader looking happy corners. To my utter delight it was all in fuschia: one of my favourite pink family!! The reason why I chose Nail Studio was 'cos it looked really cute and most importantly it had a sign outside stating it uses barbicide and autoclaves the equipments. I've read alot of horror stories on tai-tais and big bimbos catching fungal infections 'cos of unhygienic footbaths and so forth. Trust me, you do NOT want to catch Tinea pedis. It's gross and awful. The pedicurist was sweet enough to allow me to shimmy in without an appointment and so thereon I embarked on my first nail adventure.

Firstly, she let me choose my nail shade (of which I came to regret later. Plastic demo covers look different on real nails. Bloody crap!!). Then she let me soak my feet in the feet sink (very very cool!!). After that she pumiced and exfoliated my feet and lower leg. She also pushed my cuticles in and used this nail-clipper contraption-like scissors to pull out all those grimy grimy yucky yucky skin and dirt stuck between my nails. I really like that. I've always had a problem removing those kinda crap. Now I know, I can get them professionally removed. Hehe. She then proceeded to buff and paint my nails and...

... dry my nails with a portable fan. Now I know why is, like, Elle Woods and the rest of the Delta Nus are SO ADDICTED to manicures and pedicures. They are so divine!! ME LIKES ME LIKES!! Will now add this activity to home-to-do-list :)

Unfortunately she couldn't spare time for me to get a manicure. Man I'm hooked on this. Instead she left me to air my legs in the dryer before hippity-hoppity off to Forever 21 to do some more leisure purchases.

Me smirks happily!!

Saturday, August 05, 2006




Why did I bother to wait to hitch a ride home with the Puskesmas Dr?!! I should know better than to trust a Dr's punctuality. It's been an hour and a half of what was supposed to be a 10 mins wait. OMG can die-lho!! I have SO MUCH pending work. There are corrections to be done to my leaflets and posters plus I'm nowhere near starting the TBC mini-movie. F*cks. So tired.. Last night I fell asleep on the comp and only managed to catch 2 hrs of winks before I had to get going for the morning.

Can you believe this is going to be THE LIFE when I start working?? Welcome wrinkles, grey hair and schmuckiness!!
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