Monday, July 31, 2006

"gonna be just fine"

(Dopod)

Right now I’m getting my fortnightly dose of reflexology massage. 60,000rp (approximately rm25++) for an hour of foot with/without full body massage (including the scalp). I usually choose the latter ‘cos kiasu mah… worth more money mah. Also my shoulder aches like cuh-razy. Man. All the typing’s taking a toll on my neck. Really pissed ‘bout the fact that wi-fi’s down today. M*ther of ass!! Ever sice the Public Health department, I hardly have the time to do me-things and now when I do, the f*cking internet is DOWN. DAMNIT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT’S UP WITH THE SPEDERLINES (Spears-Federline)!! So the pissed off!! St*rbucks drink down the drain. Fortunately I had intended to get a massage too so today will not end up being an entirely wasted evening. I think I’ll get a couple of CDs and a month’s supply of tissue whilst I’m here. Don’t know if I wanna watch a movie. Nahh.. don’t wanna tire myself out-lah. So much work awaits me. It’s back to the old lifestyle of work work work to no freakin’ end. Here I went and thought Public Health to be a party-party department. The previous lots before me got it really easy-lah. I went through their case reports and they were so simple. I’m thinking how they got off presenting a case report without a proper ‘Alternatif Penanggulan Masalah’ when Dr E’s giving me such a hard time about it?? *sigh* I cannot imagine I’m getting only 4 hours of sleep max everyday. Why is there so much work??

00:02

So many pending entries. So much laziness.

Took a 20-minute power nap awhile ago while waiting for my mask to dry off when I suddenly felt like changing my sheets. Suddenly remembered I rolled about my bed in my day clothes which is not a good thing ‘cos I had been sitting in 3 active Tuberculosis patients’ house sofas and despite knowing this is NOT a transmission route, I just feel all grimy and icky. Should have taken a shower immediately upon reaching home instead of prancing about. I even changed my rugs and replaced my toilet-seat cover. YEAYYY. Now everything’s all fresh and clean. Tomorrow I will have to stuff all them dirty laundry to the laundrette :) My Turkish carpet smells a lil’ funky. Maybe it’s because I left it in the cupboard way too long. The maid came yesterday. YEAYYY again!! I love having a maid. I love coming back to a clean room. It just gets so tiring that at the end of the week the only great thing to look forward to is a nice tidy room for the weekend.


Today had been, well… something. It all started with the tudung group deciding to change the case-report topic YET AGAIN from Upper Respiratory Tract Infection to Tuberculosis. This means all the sh*t I did for the past few days is actually of no f*cking use in the end. Aaargh!! I shouldn’t really complain. They had heavier work which means more going down the toilet bowl for them than me. I’m just feeling so huffy ‘bout things in general. This means having to redo home-visits. I despise home-visits. I absolutely cannot comprehend the mechanics of home-visits!! If you think the fuss I kicked yesterday was ugly, you should have seen my temper today. It’s like this: let’s say in cases of Pneumonia, the Puskesmas (Pusat Kesehatan Masyarakat aka Primary Health Centre) has a (terribly written) documented logbook with records of patients who were ever diagnosed with this disease. What I’m supposed to do is hunt one of them down, ask them a couple of questions to evaluate their knowledge and exposure on healthcare and if they remain ignorant regarding their disease despite having been to the Puskesmas. It is then my duty to take this as feedback towards better healthcare programs. Problem is what is written in the book is the patient’s first name, his/her age and RT/RW (that’s like their housing area coding, equivalent to Mutiara Damansara or Damansara Jaya back home). Like OMGGG!! How on earth do you find a 27-year old person called, let’s say, Chin in Taman Sea?!! It’s literally trying to find a needle in a haystack. Literally!! I don’t understand how come everyone is taking this so lightly and why that Puskesman man explains it to be doable. IT IS NOT DOABLE. It just simply isn’t!! Like what the f*ck?!! NO UNDERSTANDING. What we’re supposed to do is walk around and just ask people hanging about if they know so-and-so and to help point us in the right direction. G*DDD there’s not even a last name to give people a f*cking clue. There must be like hundreds of Chins in Taman Sea!! Y’know?!! Yesterday was a big failure in attempt to locate the patients. We were merely wandering about and asking every Tom, Dick and Harry if they know so-and-so and of course they don’t!! How could they?!! We did finally find some patients but they weren’t on the list and it’s ‘cos we stumbled upon them by accident. Mission failure. Mission impossible more like it. Today set out to be another Mission Impossible when we recorded a couple of Tuberculosis patients’ names and started our adventure in attempting to locate them. I was very b*atchy about things. Just ranting on and on about how not viable this search system is… cursing and swearing under my breath and totally questioning G*d and whatever higher power…!! We started by trying to locate this person called Agus. We traced back to the street we wandered into yesterday and decided to start from there. The old lady we interviewed yesterday was lepak-ing outside her house and her son and her were very kind to try point out some houses with men named Agus. Unfortunately all the houses were empty. I felt so weird peering into houses and calling out names as I knocked and banged on their padlocks. I bet they’re just hiding behind their curtains and wishing we’d go away ‘cos it’s exactly what I’d do if some stranger in white coats came calling. I paired up with Miss Twin-Ziah and the reason I made her keep our coats on (she was feeling hot) was ‘cos it was a sign of authority and helped established the fact we’re here on serious business (not con-job) and since we didn’t have a copy of documentation on us to help aid things, the white coat will help us serve this purpose. People are more receptive to interns in uniform than plain-clothed doctors who claim to be one. As I continued to b*tch in my head and asking every single Pak and Ibu for this 31-year-old bloke called Agus, this tire-shop man pointed that if we walked out a little further to this mini-grocery-mart near the motorcycle mechanic we might find the man we were looking for. I was, like, yeah right OK whatever. Despite the b*tching I still tried-lah of course. I remember Miss RusRus absolutely admiring this behaviour of mine: the fact that I’d b*tch and b*tch about something yet continue to still try. Adoi what else to do but try right?? So we trudged on and finally located that grocery shop. I asked a man there if he knew a 31-year-old Agus and he was like “Lady, everyone’s name is Agus (yes this is true-lah ‘cos Agus is, like, a really common Indon name). There’s an Agus on the left, another Agus who lives opposite and even an Agus inside the shop. Since I was left choiceless I asked to see every Agus possible starting from the one in the shop due to geographical conveniences. Turns out he was exactly the Agus we were looking for!! OMG. I cannot believe my luck. It was too easy. We barely tried half an hour and already we got our first patient?!! OMG. He was very co-operative too. I let Miss Twin-Ziah take the fella. When were done with him, we embarked on our next attempt to locate the next fella on the list. I was so damn sure that we would not be able to be successful this time ‘cos one can only be lucky once. Besides this time the patient’s mine and I tend to be really rubbish when it comes to being fortunate. I thought too soon. A couple of teenagers pointed me to the little lane of the RT I was trying to locate. Guess what happened next?!! I FOUND MY PATIENT the very next minute. There was an old lady standing outside her little home and she was the first person I stumbled upon entering the lane. All I did was ask her if a 27-year-old Dodi lived around the premises and she pointed to her neightbour. He was her neighbour!! OMG!! G*d and whatever higher power were definitely listening in on my moanings :D Although he was not around (out at work), his wife was which was good as gold. Their home was borrowed and 5 of ‘em (husband, wife, 2 children, grandma) all live in the space of 1 room no bigger than mine. The children and grandma sleeps on a mattress they open up in the night, she sleeps on the floor whilst Dodi sleeps on the couch. There was barely any ventilation and source of sunlight (which explains his debilitating TBC) and the room was musty and smoky (I believe she cooks in the same room ‘cos there was a heavy aroma of charcoal ash). Everything looked so dingy + grimy and I swear my lungs suddenly felt like collapsing with all the dust surging in. He had not been faithful to his TBC therapy and I would not be surprise if the entire family suffers from it as well. Thing is, I can’t really blame them. They have no money and sometimes they go without food. And if Dodi has to go work (he’s a driver), how is it possible for him to take time off whenever for a check-up or to go collect his supply of medication?? Before applying for their Keluarga Miskin (low-socio economy medical privilege), they had to pay a fee of 3,000rp (equivalent to rm1.30++) every week and even that was too much of a financial burden that they ended up not continuing the therapy. *sigh* Their toilet is a drain. Yup literally. Behind their house is a small drain (shared between 6 other families) and they do all the water-business there, i.e. bathing, washing, peeing and sh*tting. I was lucky that the moment I went to check it out she and her neighbours were in the middle of clothes-washing *phew* so things weren’t umm too crappy y’know?!! I might have had to clean up after my own puke. Mrs Dodi uses water from a pump which probably comes from a well ‘cos it turns brown in time. Their drinking water comes from the charity of their rich neighbour that lives behind them. There is a service of drinking water supply available but 1,000rp (equiv to rm.0.40++) per litre is just wayyy to expensive for them. I can imagine. I mean these people sometimes don’t even eat for chrissakes!! I felt so awful for her. I can’t take it if people don’t have food to eat. It kills me. I told Miss Twin-Ziah that I need to give the lady some money. I had on me 50,000rp. Miss Twin-Ziah handed me 50,000rp and so we had 100,000rp in total to give her. Before we left I stuffed the cash into her hands and told her to use it to buy some healthy food so that her children can have decent meals. She fell quiet for a moment and as she thanked us profusely she began to cry. I didn’t really know what to do so I gave her a hug. We both did. And that was that-loh. I didn’t want there to be a scene with us giving out cash and all that so I quickly signalled Miss Twin-Ziah for us to make a dash.


(msg)
Dddy:
I m touch by yr gesture n kindness
moi: Haha don’t b. I wish I cud do more but we hv 2 allow thm 2 live like tat. I dowan her husband turn lazy n become dependent. I guess maybe now indons won’t think 2 badly of msians.. we kno y now whn they come they refuse 2 go bk. Ther’s literally nothing 4 thm here. At least in msia they cn eat.

*brows narrow* *sigh*


Lesson learnt:

1. Village people are more helpful than city people.

2. We are VERY VERY fortunate to have money to eat and more.

3. And that you never know when G*d or whatever higher power could be tapping into your mental conversations :P

Friday, July 28, 2006

me goes to work

We start the day with 3 angkot rides to work: the last being this grey + green stripe Cijerah-Ciwastra. Sets you back 1,000 rp (equiv. rm 0.40) per ride but you can ultimately forget about the word comfort.


There you go: me work place this month... this lil' village called Cibolerang :P
Don't forget the most important meal of all: breakfast!! You've got (L-R) tahu-isi / gehu; bala-bala; tempe goreng; nanas goreng; pis-gor... pisang goreng!!

Puskesmas means Pusat Kesehatan Masyarakat which is a primary level healthcare facility for the community.

If you think being stuck in a jam is such a damn bore... try getting stuck in traffic in an ANGKOT!! No air-condition, no gust of wind, no air..!! Can die OK.

Don't even get me started on my face!!

As you can see I'm feeling so the vogue in my polka-dot Zara dress. *sigh* Looking at this image again, I feel I look like a frigid school teacher. My LeSportsac pegasus bag rocks though.



The chick in black tudung is Miss AtmaAtma. She's pregnant. And married. I'm, well, NOT.
But if you're sick of taking the angkot, you can always take Seabiscuit!!

2geda

(Dopod)

F*ck. Got locked out. OMG I’m so pissed off with life I wanna break some plates!! And it’s gonna take 3 hours before I can get my keys back. Why do I dangle my keys about?!! I MUST REMEMBER TO STUFF THEM INTO MY BAG ‘COS NOT STUFFING THEM INTO MY BAG RESULTS IN THEM BEING LEFT IN SOME PLACE OTHER THAN MY BAG!! Which sucks of course. Especially since it’s been a f*cking long day and all I wanted was to go do some cardio or sleep or something. Instead I can’t even access into the communal living room of my building and am nongkrong-ing in the other building’s kitchenette. F*ck. So tired. Hate home-visits. They’re such a pain and a bleamin’ waste of time and effort. I might as well build sandcastles where the waves crash in.

There’s something I don’t quite understand ‘bout the Indons: their incessant need to kumpul bareng (gather). I really see no point in gathering, like, ALL THE TIME when we have separate entities of work. Kumpul bareng would freaking mean waiting ‘till the entire group arrives which usually ranges from 20 minutes to 2 hours when those bloody time can be used for REAL work!! And then they make such a big deal when we don’t finish our work. WTF?!! I’m sorry, I really feel optimum work is achieved through solo efforts so what’s the point in grouping when in the end it just results in us sitting with other people while doing our own work. It just doesn’t work that way for me. Where can think like that?!!

Aargh just received msg: tonight got kumpul bareng…!! *me hurls*

Thursday, July 27, 2006

the wreckers

Yesterday we kena maki properly from Dr E post-case-report session. Man we’re in BIG TROUBLE. I’ve not felt so threatened since… since the time my minor thesis got suspended. OMGGG it’s like the whole minor thesis dilemma all over again!! Adoi… pusing pusing. Aduh gimana ni?? Gw pasti gak mau ulang ujian di PH lagi!! Repot banget ya ampun. Kok bisa reportnya segitu parah ya?? Gak bisa-lho si Dr E itu begitu cerewet dengan usulan kami... gak bisa-lho dia bandingin kami sama anak-anak angkatan ’99 yang udah pada lewat semuanya. Kami semua anak koas baru!! Pasti gak ngerti mau ngerjain apa mau dihitungnya apa mau diomonginnya apa. Parah euy!!

So what’s up with Mr Orange? Don’t know. He didn’t make contact since the call except for afew occasional msg replies to mine. Yes, I initiated msgs. Maybe I should just leave him alone from now-lah. Wouldn’t want him to think I’m being all CLINGY *raised eyebrows* again. Oh well. I do, though, wanna ask him if he heard anything ever since the work interview but I figured let’s not. He’ll tell me when he wants to tell me. Don’t wanna pressure him anyways. Man. I’m thinking it must really suck if things don’t pull through. It’s like Parsons calling me up for an interview and instructing me to make an Academy Awards outfit on the spot as a test. I could die. And the subsequent 2 weeks wait would slowly eat into me like a cellulitis infection. The poor boy. I mean I really think he was waiting for some big break all this time… something that would revolutionize his life. This was the ticket *sigh* Better a late response than a negative one.

Everyone’s checking on our progress. There is no progress. There will be no progress. Mr Orange is in a relationship… don’t people get it? And I’m not a thief. Besides things are just too complicated right now for him (+ his multiple relationships) and for me.

Me: things are still very vague and hazy but I have a reason to believe I catalyzed the ruin of Dumpling’s relationship. Aiii crap. I mean I was just trying out some harmless flirtation. There were, like, moments but those were just passing phases mah… didn’t think he would be interested. I absolutely respected the fact he was in a relationship and would never go as far as to detriment it. He knew it too and thought I was cute to be so thoughtful. In a way I could sense something was happening… sometimes you just know kinda thing. And during my hols I felt that he umm… missed me? Oh dear. And now that I’m back he tells me they’ve broken up so we can be closer. Yikes. So anyways I don’t think both of us are taking this too seriously. At least I’m not. Just feel really bad for the chick. I mean I know that I’m NOT the reason why they broke up rest assured… I bet there were already cracks in the relationship that were slowly chipping off. But I suppose he realized there ARE other chicks that were more him than her. Yes, we both shared alot in common… and I think we both found each and other’s company very endearing and being on night duties together made us grew very close. OK-lah there probably was a form of attachment we had that I cannot define but that’s that. All in all very trivial matter of no consequence. Not a big deal. End of story.

Monday, July 24, 2006

cherry-pie

(Dopod)

Wahhh ternyata there's conflict within the Indon tudung chicks themselves. No wonder the group environment is so uncomfortable... Everytime we get together the aura gets kinda icy and I get, like, shivers down my spine. B*tch galore!!

I'm bored outta my wits. Public Health sucks. I dislike dealing with data and statistics and whatnot. The Cibolerang Puskesmas (pusat kesihatan masyarakat / primary health centre) is so freaking far. We take, like, 2 hours to get home on bad days AND we've gotta change 3 sets of angkot rides. M*ther of ass!! This is the first time I'm shoved into a group where people are mostly bland and sedate. I’m not used to this ‘cos I’m just so comfortable with someone taking charge everytime I get into any department that I feel literally like a lost sheep now that nobody wants to take up some responsibility and bloody damn well LEAD. OK OK maybe I should step up but I’m not bloody bothered ‘cos of my previous crappy history with ‘em and the fact these people have some sh*t ass silly verbal protocol that I absolutely detest and find extremely irritating. Thank goodness this department ends in a month.

Right now I'm seated right at the back as I watch the rest of my group-mates scurrying around hunting for data and study results. My work is mainly textbook sh*t so my job is mostly done at home rather than on site. Don't know what is going on: kekeke, I NEVER know what's going on. I'm hopeless. I'm praying the old man allows us to leave early... This place is making me drowsy.

16:17

Had a good afternoon with Miss KosKos today. It’s been awhile since we hung out with my pre-Public Health holiday of 5 weeks and the fact we missed each other a week ‘cos she went home for her Dentistry holiday the same one when I returned. So it has been a total of 6 weeks since we last saw each other. It’s pretty long considering the fact that we’ve lived with each other the last 3 years (meaning we see each other almost every second of the day) and speak to each other at least twice a week if not more. I had so much to tell her. She had so much to tell me. More her than me considering her life has been more of a rollercoaster in comparison to meek mine.

As we laid on her bed recounting our happenings I suddenly realized we have FINALLY grown up a little. Us 2 buffalo brats are actually whining about relationship issues for the very FIRST time!! OMG. OMG. Yes OMG… the 2 Ariens: winners of war, losers in love are actually having luuurve problems. OMG :D KAKAKA It’s absolutely hilarious. *me pengsans* I don’t know but I think the both of us have intimacy issues. I’ll speak for myself at least. I don’t know how to be close to a boy physically. And when I do get close I get scared and react very disturbingly. As for Miss KosKos, I believe she has an emotional intimacy issue. That when a boy actually starts feeling about the parameters of her heart she clams up and wonders “OMG OMG like what now?!!” Pretty much the same feeling I get when a boy sits beside me and places his hand around my shoulder. It is something we each have to work on in our own special way I suppose. Yet I don’t get this way with strangers I meet in clubs or people’s boyfriends or people I work with. Why yah? I dunno. I think it’s ‘cos there’s no pressure or having to worry about emotional aftermaths when in comes to people we don’t know or people’s boyfriends or people we work with. I wish I was back in Brighton. Things were so simple then. Now things are just hard and painful.

Boys are so hard to be with yet all I want is to be with them. They are unquestionably, very rightly as Kelly Clarkson puts them to be: Beautiful Disasters.

I told Miss KosKos ‘bout my desire to get my cherry popped. I don’t know. Somehow along the way, especially after the whole 2-lonely-stars bit, I don’t know if I still want to have it anymore. It’s starting to feel more of a burden than a privilege. Perhaps this is just a momentary lapse in judgement but lately it’s been haunting my thoughts. It’s like having to carry The Ring. I feel so heavy having it. And looking at circumstances post-told-fortune, it just doesn’t seem worth the keep after all. What’s the point in saving myself if he’s gonna turn out to be just some second-hand bozo. And what the f*ck does second-hand mean?? Like a divorcee?!! F*CK. Ah Yeoh was a little more optimistic than I was: his interpretation of the reading was that the fella wasn’t a virgin anymore. I suppose that’s another way of looking at things. I don’t expect my man to be a virgin; I’d prefer him to not be one anyway so he’d know what the heck to do with his tool, y’know? Maybe Miss ChongChong’s right..? I don’t know. I was watching through some of Ah Choy’s rainbows [he gave me, like a STACK of ‘em this time!! I was SO SO PLEASED. I bet all my chicks back in Indon are gonna be flipping over this as well] and one of ‘em struck me so hard I couldn’t watch rainbow for, like, 3 f*cking weeks!! And mind you, me BIG LOVER of rainbows especially ones with cute young chicks and hard humping ;) *sigh* There was, like, this reality bit made by some f*cked up Japanese boys (Japanese CAN BE REALLY SICK PEOPLE SOMETIMES). They trail chicks home and coming upon some secluded spot (preferably with bushes and loadsa short trees) they’d pounce on the poor girls and rape ‘em. Yes, RAPE THEM. INVOLUNTARILY GAG THEM, TIE THEM UP AND FORCE THEMSELVES ON THE GIRLS SEXUALLY. I have no words. I was so appalled and sick to my stomach I threw up. And I almost NEVER THROW UP!! This fortifies my fear of carrying my cherry around. I do not want to lose it to some f*cked up b*stard just ‘cos he got horny after watching a Hindi film (the usual excuse used by Indon men) or just ‘cos he likes submissive sex. If you like it so much GO F*CKING RENT A WHORE AND GET HER TO ACT ALL WEAK AND SH*T. I’m just so enraged and pissed and confused and scared and… *sigh* scared-lah really. Very very scared. And with the whole ex-stewardess business at Centerpoint, Bandar Utama… I dunno. I dunno if I still want it anymore. People don’t understand why I’m such a clam. I can’t help it. Everytime a boy gets close to me all that rings in my mind is that “You’re gonna steal my cherry. You’re gonna steal my cherry…” even if he didn’t have such an agenda. Then I get all rock-like even though all I want is to pounce on him and make out!! Maybe I really need to make out soon. I’m getting so f*cked up in my mind. So do I still wanna get my cherry popped? I don’t know. Ah Ng feels I should just stick to my initial plan of saving it. I guess. Why am I such a good girl? Just yesterday I was getting a lil’ edgy ‘cos the meeting ran later than it was supposed to be. Thing is, when it’s time to go home I really wanna go home. That’s the sort of person I am. I can hang out or club till 4 in the morning but if it turns half-past-4 and all’s done, I WANT to go home. Miss VakiVaki told me I’m such a goody-goody. I suppose I am a good girl. My parental units raised me up to be so. There are times I wish I wasn’t so LIKE THAT. But I am. Damn.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

let’s get ready to rumble!!

(msg)Miss PetchiPetchi: Br dgr dari radio ‘ntar jam… 0200 – 0300 disuruh siaga. Tktnya da gmpa su2lan… tlg fwd kesemua temen2 loe. ALERT.Miss JoeJoe: This news is juz announced thru radio: there might be some tremors fr 2 – 3am. Pls stay awake n forward this 2 ya frens. Its not a joke!

F*ck.

Don’t really know what to do.

Mr Orange called. It's the FIRST time he ever called me in Indon. Torn between believing he cares for me or perhaps all there is to it is that (horrors of horrors).. he pities me :( How is it that everytime a boy I like treats me good, I can never give myself credit for his attention?? My self-esteem is lower than I imagine I suppose.

“If I have to love myself
Tell me how to love myself
What is there to love about myself..?”
… Sixpence None The Richer, Can’t Catch You …

Just a little overwhelmed that he rang 'cos I never expected him to. It's a nice feeling but I am very careful to not allow myself to fall into the same hole again. Me treads lightly *pitter patter pitter patter* over this matter. On one hand I really want to believe that he something-something me (everyone is adamant that he does). On the other, I cannot help but feel that if I do allow myself the luxury of thinking so, it'll only push me into a farther fall. A part of me craves for all these affections and am so enjoying it yet another is so busy preparing myself for protection against disappointment. How come he's so much nicer now than before?? How come he's being such a better friend now too?? He should just be his old jack-ass self. *sigh* Not that he was ever much of a jack-ass, I'm just trying to make me detest him and as always I'm failing miserably. It would be easier for me to let things go. Oh bother!!

(conversation)
Mr Orange: Am I a great friend or what? I bet I'm the only who called right?moi: ... Ya.
Mr Orange: I mean I'm sure you msg-ed a million people... Or am I the only one you told?moi: Only you worr. 'Cos when I msg-ed you earlier and you told me to not take it so seriously, I figured that I might have been blowing things out of proportion so I didn't tell anyone else-loh.
He asked me if I'm calmer now that he called me. I.. Of course-lah. I enjoyed our phone conversation. He made me laugh.. He made me happy. He MAKES me happy. I reacted pretty rubbishly though. I gave the impression that I felt he only called to make sure I'd live long enough to buy him a car [we made a pledge to buy a luxury item for the other, in his case a Mini Cooper, should any of us make it BIG in life]. Maybe it's both our egos in the way that things cannot get better (??). YEARGHHH must stop thinking he something-something me. He's just being a nicer friend. He's JUST being a nicer FRIEND... *continues to chant this under my breath*

(conversation)
Mr Orange: What are you doing?moi: Packing some essentials.
Mr Orange: No need to bring anything, just bring yourself. Take cash and documents.. Enough!!moi: But what about my laptop?!! I need to bring my computer!! There are a lot of things in there that are dear to me!!Mr Orange: What the heck you wanna do with your laptop when there's no electricity?!!moi: I... got some rare CDs too. Hard to get in shops alreadyy..
Mr Orange: AYO just take yourself only!!
Mr Orange: Are you alone or with your friends?
moi: Alone.
Mr Orange: What?!! Go lepak with people 'till it's over-lah.moi: It's OK-lah. I got my game plan all sorted liao. The moment stuffs start falling on my head, I'll grab my survival pack and run into the streets. That's basically all I've got for the moment. Think more only when things really happen-loh.Mr Orange: eh I wanna see you come home in one piece ah.moi: Yes-lah so you can get your car mah!!Mr Orange: Yea.. OK-lah not only that also I care-lah ok.moi: Care for your car more like it.Mr Orange: And the whole 10 years friendship thing [BIG OUCH for me + *gag*]moi: Right. Right. Whatever. [so all he thinks important is the fact he knew me pretty long *rolls eyes*]
moi: I'm not gonna, like, die or anything.
Frankly, I was actually pretty afraid. I mean, yea so my BIG-BIG talk of wishing-something-happening-to-Bandung-that's-crucial-enough-to-get-them-TUDM-army-chopper-over could actually come TRUE and all I'm praying for now is for it to please NOT happen!! I seriously could LOSE EVERYTHING. I was looking around my room and I see all my sh*t which I love which could go away in a *snap* should the quake really really happen. I cannot part with my excellent CD collection or my Stella Adidas yoga mat or my photo albums or my Muji paper shredder or my Will & Grace DVD collection (can you imagine a life without the Karen-Jack-combo??) or my Zara silk summer skirts or the guitar I won in a Beatles competition, adoi the list is endless. ‘Cos I’m a m-m-m-Material Girl!! *bleurgh*

Funny how Mr Orange and me are friends again. Maybe Mr Tutor was right after all. Perhaps this is a relationship worth the keep. At least if I died today it's reassuring to know I left the world last hearing the voice of a boy I...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

l *cough* oser *cough*

Have been slow with entries. Couldn’t help it, it’s been kinda dramatic recently and I didn’t really have time to catch my breath ‘till recently. Now all that’s on my mind is to LOSE MY F*CKING HOLIDAY WEIGHT!! My bathroom scale tells me I’m, like, 62kg but I bet I’m weighing a whale more ‘cos my clothes are tight as f*cks and my face looks like a balloon in the mirror. Must lose like what 7 kg or something. Been eating only a meal a day ever since I got back to Indon. But it doesn’t really count ‘cos it’s solid food. Will try to cut done the uni-meal into softer versions.

Today Dr Great-Horn-Devil, who I had abit of a history with but he probably doesn’t remember, gave a yucky-ass-boredom-filled lecture while as he strutted his FATTY-bag ass around the class high on a Public Health power trip. He even tried to exercise authority by sending Ah Nggie (my kindred spirit) out for napping during class. Poor Ah Nggie. The Public Health department has this absolutely unworldly reputation for being sad bags out on the mission to ruin lives of becoming doctors. They make you dress a certain drabby way while their daughters prance around the medical faculty in their rubbishly dyed blonde dos and short skirts [I wanna wear short skirts too!! They go well with boots]. Yes, these are the evil figures who act all snooty and wooty to disguise their mammoth inferior complex and self-hatred. Once I was told off by this old wicked PH imp just ‘cos my ankle strap got stuck under my heel and I looked like I was wearing backless shoes (yah we cannot wear those ‘cos it’s unprofessional worr..). He tapped me on my shoulders, everyone turned to look (drama beckons) and made me adjust it ‘till it was right. Like I’m some kindergarten kid. B*stard.

You know, Dr-Great-Horn-Devil used to be a loser back in the days. I know this ‘cos his batch-mate was our chief OBGYN resident in Astana Anyar and she told us so. He used to be known as the Photocopy+SuMur (Susu Murni) Boy. Yup you know the sort: the one that sold milk and photocopied notes, probably got teased about it a whole lot and didn’t have a lot of money which is why he had to do it anyway. No wonder he picks on the jocks… only rightly ‘cos the jocks do sleep in his class but it just goes to show how far soreness can go: VERY FAR.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

thank goodness for BM

Me loves my grandmother much. We communicate, get this, in Bahasa Melayu 'cos my Hokkien is like rubbish and she can't speak English for nuts. SO thank goodness for the national language of BM (see it really does come to some use post-secondary school) or I'd never be able to tell MahMah to "selamat makan" or whatever.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

neighbour comes over

Me always likes when neighbours come over for a chat... especially if neighbour happens to be little baby Ah Ashton who I named *beams with pride*


Isn't he handsome?? Sure-lah I named him after Mr Kutcher. Of course good looking-lah!!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

bon yum-yum: what's the big deal 'bout korean ginseng chicken?

It kinda tastes like Chic-Kut-Teh.


Not wanting to be left out in the Korean cuisine scene, I made the family bring me out to go chomp on some Korean Ginseng Chicken. Since I had to go to freakin' med school and the rest of the family toddled over to Seoul during Dddy's company trip in the fall of 2001, I had to put up with the entire family yakking about the high and mighty Korean Ginseng Chicken. I should not have to put up with such personal ignorance!! We manage to find a place in Hartamas that serves it supposedly good. I always liked Korean entrees. They're so funky with their kimchi, white carrot pickle and that dollop of black bean paste. Their infamous besi cutlery is definitely something to get all bewildered about. It's slim... heck THIN besi chopsticks that you can never, for the life of me, use to pick up anything!! In the end, nice-lah the food but wayyy too pricey for a not-so-nice ambience. Besides Chic-Kut-Teh I can have in stalls for cheaper and more sedap. Mmmy is still in pursuit of a better Korean Ginseng Chicken place... any ideas??

Dddy reads. I photo.


They're so cute together when they're not bickering.

Monday, July 10, 2006

bag cabinet does jarrod & rawlins

We’ve all grown up. Or perhaps we’ve all moved on with our own inconspicuous life. Whoah. As we were crowding about Jarrod & Rawlins’ big barrel-table, I realized there we were: my ‘Bag Cabinet’ (Dddy calls us this after my Anya Hindmarch’s Be-A-Bag) seated in a cosy circle. It’s been awhile since we all REALLY got together. The last was the Souled Out moment and that was like wh.. 10 months ago or something (??). How is it that we don’t realize the motion of time ‘till months later?


There we were a bunch of mid-twenties groaning about work (or studies), clients (or patients), bosses (or residents), colleagues and boyfriends. When did we evolve into such whiners?? I have no excuses for us. It’s the quarter-life crisis and “between an overload of information and a strive for a pure dedication and I… I find myself looking for an exit sign”. We hadn’t intend on having dinner in J&R initially but everything else seemed so lame and I had been wondering what J&R was all about since ages ago. I’ve passed it by a couple of times and it’s always filled with glamorous-looking people. I’m glamorous therefore I should dine there too. It was a tad bit uncomfortable with our slutty outfits and boisterous conversations.

I know everyone seems to think we have all veered into our different paths in life but personally, we pretty much are the same people… just older with better hobbies and nicer clothes. I’m still the conventional virgin with an eclectic love for life’s luxuries. Miss TanTan who fell in love with salsa now indulges in her hobby almost full-time. Miss ChongChong enjoys spending time with her god-son Kiddy-J and shopping in Forever21 (hehe yea she got trapped in my Forever21 scheme too) all the while a glass of white wine lingers on her fingertips. Miss PalnaPalna enjoys pampering herself with little flings and spas. As for Miss ChewChew, she just enjoys being her reclusive lil’ self and having Betty Crocker moments with her joint-at-the-hip-boyfriend Ah Zai. That’s what we’ve all become. You can see how ‘warna-warna Malaysia’ we are just by a glance of our couture diversity. As always me the HIP chick with hot-from-runway styles and designer goods. Miss TanTan the simple basic lady glamour. Miss ChongChong could make even a simple white-T look slutty… she so the vixen-lah!! Miss PalnaPalna in safe luxury black and capris while Miss ChewChew dons the Wisteria Lane mode.

I don’t know if it’s the wine or if it was the fact we just don’t know what is going on in everyone’s life but things heated up BIG TIME. I don’t think we’ve had an upfront fight among us in awhile. Girls are catty people. We may put on the most condescending smile and go ooh-ahh at baby pictures or wedding invitations but the moment you leave the table… lo and behold do the b*tchin’ begin!! Since I take the time to spend special time with each and everyone of the Bag Cabinet, I pretty much know what the f*ck is up with everyone. Moreover, credit goes to Dddy who has shaped me into an individual with a combo personality of pessimistic cynicism and optimistic dreamsome; thus having an outlook in life that helps me put things into more perspective (chewah..!!). Dddy has always prepared me for death. His motto, like the Scouts, was ‘Be Prepared’ but this is all another story altogether. Anyway everyone has fears and skeletons in their closets which never seem to make it to the table. Instead we glide through superficial happy stuff like salsa or Kiddy-J or work or whatever that steers away from the real pain that haunts us. I allow them to fester over Mr Orange because it’s a fun topic that everyone can have their 2 cents in and well, safe to say, we all need something exciting to talk about and since my love life seems to be the most juvenile and least tricky… it’s the best agenda. Bag Cabinet chicks come from mainly middle-income households so perhaps this makes them slightly shadowed in certain matters of life. Take the whole business regarding Miss TanTan’s brother and his greed for the family property. Dddy saw this issue coming years back and insisted I forewarn Miss TanTan of the possibility of famile feud. I did. Maybe the girls don’t understand how this can happen. Simple. Money-lohhh!! When stuff like this happen, we as third parties can offer nothing less but silence. I’m a fixer and since I cannot fix this I’m just contented knowing Miss TanTan has things under control. She is currently paying for her own car and amidst purchasing an apartment in Kepong (??). This is good news. She has her mother and her sisters for support and this is a relief. I know Miss ChongChong means well when she words her support. Thing is, let us all be realistic. Friendship means nothing in issues like this. We cannot provide her a home or money. Emotional support is just NOT ENOUGH. I should know. My back-to-Indon-blues mean nothing to them. It’s only me who can support myself through my own pain and they may msg me words of comfort but they cannot do anything to take the hurt away. We are all alone in this one. So this was when voices were raised and stings were lashed out. It took everyone by surprise, even me. I know everyone probably thought this was crappy but, really, nothing better than a good cat-fight to shake things up and rattle us in our places and remind us, in spite of drama and all that, we are still friends. We may know nuts about each other but we still make time to have drinks. This is the most magical quality. Perhaps this will renew our faiths to be a little more honest with each other and to open the doors in our hearts a little wider.

P.S: We have moved on to SEX-TALK!! Eh give us a break ah!! We already 25-years-old. Bloody mid-twenties OK!! Funny how I’m the virgin and they’re the ones with a healthy sex life. Soon we’ll be yabbering about the better diaper or the more ergonomical baby bottle or f*cksss B.M tuitionnnn!! HAHAHAHAHAHA :D



P.P.S: In the afternoon I took Mmmy to go hunky dory in Louis Vuitton. No purchases this time. Just went to ogle at the Eiffel Tower pendant I’ve had an eye on since FOREVER. It costs



RM12,000 *me pengsans!!* Will take me a year at work to save up for that thing but I really *pant pant* LOVES IT SO MUCH. I never fail to go say hi every time I’m in the area. The Louis Vuittion accessories assistant there probably thinks I’m nuts but he’s such a doll… without fail he’ll allow me to perch on their velvet stool as my trembling fingers runneth over the bling-bling on my neck as I examine how it features my non-existent neck in the mirror. Man, can die-lho. I love Louis Vuitton. They’re good people. Not like freakin’ Fendi f*ckers. I went in to examine (and hopefully purchase) a B-Bag and was so APPALLED by their service and snide look, I decided I’d get more of my money’s worth getting an LV denim Speedy instead *humph!!* :P

Saturday, July 08, 2006

these are afew of my favourite things

"When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad..."


Me likes very much Origins Clear Improvement: an active charcoal mask to help clear them cloggety-clog-clog pores up. Me likes it most when it dries up into crumbly muddy bits on my face.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

laundry bar

Early in the day, I did my usual tai-tai routine by HITTING THE SHOPS even before Delifrance can even say "hot croissant" so that I can score good deals in the Zara sale. I got myself some stuff but this yellow dress got me pacing in the changing cubicle for what seems like for.. ever. In the end I thought egg yolk more than canary so I binned the idea of looking like the sun.



Evening was spent with Miss ChongChong and Miss TanTan in Laundry Bar this perky lil' kick ass place at The Curve. Thank goodness someone bothered to open a bar there so I can have a good drink and walk home. We get to eat food too. Nice-lah nice-lah.


I really believe I have lips that were made to wrap around... while Miss ChongChong has a tongue made to lick... *giggle*


Everyone in the whole wide f*cking world has lost weight. Miss TanTan here has gone from, like, a size freaking 16 or 18 or something to a freaking size 10. Now I'm the FATTEST in the cabinet and I HATE IT. Look loook at those chubby cheeks and double chin!!


This is my absolute favourite part of Laundry Bar. The interior designer did good here.

Monday, July 03, 2006

speed-d8

Finally me goes SPEED-DATING. Oooh *cemetery anthem* very the spooky-wooky, non??

It all started one fine day when I was lamenting ‘bout my horrid singleton life (when do I never?) to Ah Chongk ‘till he suggested going speed-dating. Waaah I know. It’s like so Sex And The City-lho!! I didn’t even know they had such engagements here back home. I love KL. Aren’t we KL-ians the ultimate popaholic nation?!! I got really excited ‘cos this was sooo URBAN :) and you know how I like to do city-things (referring to Miss ChewChew’s anecdote *hyukhyuk*). I promised Ah Chongk I’d totally go with him the moment I’m home for the hols and we got to planning. I told all my Indon friends I was gonna go and they were all in a frenzy for me ‘cos they don’t have this here and it just sounds so spooky-exciting you know!! I was getting was enthusiastic myself. Waaah 10++ eligible bachelors in a night!! This could be better than Club Med.

A couple of days prior to THE day, Ah Chongk and I were scheduled to bank in the “fee” into their account. I had no idea how to bank money in ‘cos I never had the need to deal with this sorta activity ever in Indon. My money life revolved around the ATM machine and my purse. What the f*ck’s debit? Last I ever heard of the word ‘debit’ was passing by a Sub-Science accounts class in progression back in secondary school. Damn I’m old. So anyways Sophiekins and I were circling round and round the SS2 area in search of a damn Maybank and all I could find was an Alliance bank and the Public bank. I swear there was a Maybank there somewhere!! There was… just that I couldn’t find it. In the end I went to the one in The Curve. How cool is The Curve?!! Adoi banking money in took quite abit of brain cells. Maybank did NOT have those instructions (yea those 1. 2. 3. kind) on their machines to guide Forrest Gumps like moi on banking processes. I stood in front of the ATM-like machine for what seemed like ages. I tried spying on the neighbouring stall but the dude stared so hard at me I swear he was gonna flip his mobile open and dial 999. In the end I gave up and reverted to banking in money the conventional way… paper and all that jazz. Even with that I had to ask for the teller’s help ‘cos there were some boxes that I simply could not comprehend. Don’t understand why are there so many boxes available you don’t even have to fill?


The day came and I got all prim-ed for LURRRVE (kekeke). Even Dddy mentioned that I looked lovely. Mmmy was still adamant I shouldn’t go with the plan ‘cos I’ll never know what weirdos might be lurking around. It will just have to be a risk I have to take. Hopefully it doesn’t come with that high a price. I understand why she’s being stubborn but *sigh* I’m not a child anymore-lah. I need to put myself out there… get to know more people… enlarge my miniscule social circle and give a try at networking. I know too little people and most of all I know too little boys. Ah Yeoh has always teased me over the fact he and Ah Choy are probably the only 2 male figures I’m friends with. Isn’t that appalling?? And this thought has never left my mind. It has been festering and now I have a chance to do something about it. I should. I owe it to myself to meet more people.

AH Chongk picked me up at SS2 and so we went on our way to this place called Euro Deli in KL. I have absolutely no idea where it is (seems secluded) but Ah Chongk sorta does. I think he scouted the place the day before or something. Ah Chongk was dressed very casually making me seem highly OVERDRESSED for the occasion. I just hope the rest of the people make an effort with their attire or I’d be sitting cringing the whole time with my choice of wardrobe.

We were the first to arrive. Aduh. First to arrive. Kinda makes us seem desperate. Which we are but we should not seem so *wink* The organizers were already there of course and welcomed us. We were given name cards, a pencil and 2 forms. 1 was the ‘yes’ ‘no’ form and the other was a list of all the dudes to be present that night along with brief details of their age and occupation. How cool is that?!! Problem for me was that I was the YOUNGEST (the other women were mostly in their late twenties and early thirties) and horrors of horrors the ONLY student present that night. Yes it was slightly mortifying. I felt so juvenile.

People started to fill in and soon you had dudes yabbering with other dudes and chicks yabbering with other chicks. The boys were probably discussing the World Cup while the girls were probably sussing competition out. Yes we are that b*tchy *shrugs* I was chatting up this chick when she revealed that it was her second time here and for many of the ladies there. No wonder they seem so at ease. They mostly were not speed-d8ing virgins. Aiya.. and they were dressed in casual Sunday brunch clothes. But why?? I mean the dress code distinctively stated: wear something pleasant, not something you’d wear to work yet not something too tarty since it was in a sense our “first date(s)”. You wouldn’t wanna appear to stiff or too slutty, instead you’d wanna appear lovely. At least that was what I perceived it to be. I was confused. I wore a cute almost-plunging black top with linen trousers and proper shoes. Some didn’t even wear proper make-up. I repeat, but why?? Guess they were veteran speed-d8ers. I must look so eager. I still think I dressed right ‘cos you should always dress nicely for dates especially if it’s multiple.

We had a full house that evening. The organizer highlighted the fact that there was a bunch of them who came down especially for this from Penang, one of ‘em on holiday from the States and a chick all the way from Indonesia. Yea me-loh. Except I was NOT FROM Indon. I had to correct every single dude that sat at my table that night. Can you imagine that they all said I sound Indon?!! How can I sound Indon?!! I’m so Malaysian I can say McDonald’s and it comes out sounding Ramly. What the..?!! Most of them were horrified I was so young. And that I was

still studying. Why are those even an issue?!! I know we are all looking for life partners and stuff but cut me some slack… we didn’t all HAVE to be working and f*cking in our thirties to be eligible for soulmates.
Still despite minor setbacks I had quite A LOT of fun. Can you imagine, one of ‘em actually thought I was writing a paper on this. Like I was some kinda column journalist. How cute (and hilarious)!! So the Carrie Bradshaw-lho :) As much as I fancy myself being all undercover for a Vogue article, I cannot deny the fact I was pretty desperate for a date. Unfortunately for me, they were all mostly looking for something intense while I was looking for someone who I could potentially spend quality time with. Out of the 15, I was not magnetically drawn to anyone of them. But I figured I paid RM65 I might as well try to get something out of it besides a buffet dinner and ticked “yes” to 4 individuals I felt could carry a conversation with me. I was, though, kinda interested in this 30-year old engineer who completed his MBA recently. Too bad he didn’t feel the same ‘cos he didn’t pick me. I had 1 match though but things did not progress ‘cos he didn’t call (and I do believe it’s the man who should make the first call) so I just left things as that.

“All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?”

… The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby”…

Results: I did NOT score a date but I did get to meet 15 random boys which is the first for me. I’m glad I got through this hurdle. This is something I would advocate but not something I’d be doing again ‘till… I’m 29 (??). At least then I’ll remember to dress in my Sunday brunch.

I learnt that there are many lonely people out there but what’s comforting to know is that there were many lonely people making efforts to fix this. Speed-d8ing does help open doors. It’s reassuring to know that loneliness can be a choice.

P.S:
(conversation)
moi: So… what do you like to do for fun?
Bachelor no. something: What do you mean?moi: (*rolls eyes*) Umm, well… like, do you like going out or staying in or…?Bachelor no. something: I prefer to stay in.moi: (That’s the problem!! You spend too much time dating Astro or your DVD player, you don’t make time for girls) Ahh right.
P.P.S: Wanna join the band wagon?? Contact Yinnie (she's lovely and absolutely responsible!!) at Click-together and start dating!!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

kiddy j's birthday + ah clar's housewarming

Suddenly it was as if everyone could NOT go to Kiddy J’s birthday cum Ah Clar’s housewarming party. And I could not get a last minute company.

Damn the kena ffk-ed.
I almost got put off going but what the heck.. Miss ChongChong’d appreciate the company plus I’ve already promised to come. Besides I’d gotten the presents all wrapped up nicely. I love my gifts. For Kiddy J. I got him this Superman-ray-vision thing ‘cos well, he’s auditory-impaired. Miss PalnaPalna and Miss ChewChew was wondering how is it that I didn’t get him Barney the Dinosaur or some-whatever. A purple dinosaur’s not gonna mean anything to the kid if he can’t hear the tunes. All he sees is a purple dinosaur. I think it’s very sad that he’ll never learn the lyrics to the Barney song or hear Cookie Monsters “NYAM NYAM NYAM NYAM”. I mean the purpose of being a child is so that you can skip about to the Sesame Street’s opening theme. So anyways sympathy aside, I got him something visual that requires some imagination to work it. We should learn to play to his strengths. For Ah Clar I got him a really cute hedgehog door-stopper so that his doors will always be open to me!! :D I even learnt how to sign 'Happy Birthday'!!

I put on my kiddy T-shirt: Elmo. Now that I’ve got the good gear on, I’m gonna fit in perfectly camouflaged by screams and splatters of ice-creams.

So the party in the whole was a typical kid’s party. Lots and lots of kids, married couples and old people. I was the ONLY single chick there. Miss ChongChong introduced me to her favourite couple friends: Mr & Mrs GuanGuan. They were fun people with twin boys. I was the spinster with white wine in my hands.

(conversation)Miss ChongChong: Mrs GuanGuan, meet my friend who used to be my therapist. You, this is my friend’s wife who now provides me therapy.*Miss ChongChong goes away. We’re left to make talk*
moi: Hi Therapist no.2. I’m Therapist no.1.Mrs GuanGuan: *laughs*moi: So how is it that you’re Therapist no.2?Mrs GuanGuan: You’re the pre-Ah-Clar and I’m the post-Ah-Clar.moi: (Ahh yess, children and married life is not my forte)moi: So.. how much is it you’re charging Miss ChongChong. Just wanna check the rates nowadays ‘cos I think I’m doing too much work for too little wages. Need to see what the market price it is right now . Have to update abit..Mrs GuanGuan: *laughs more*

I realized I stepped into a different universe. Perhaps this would be me fast-forward 10 light-years, or at least I hope this would be me fast-forward 10 light-years. Everyone’s exclusive with husbands (I’m speaking ‘bout the ladies here) with the corner of their eye constantly roving in search of their kids. Lots of ordering the maids around, wiping up spills, feeding of mini mouths and making talk with other ladies in the room about schools and other trivial children sh*t. I thought I wanted this but being there at that moment made me come to a realization that this is NOT ME YET. I do not want to have to think about someone else constantly. I do not want to have to not have time for myself anymore. I do not want to have to sacrifice so much. YET. Mrs GuanGuan lamented that we’d never know how it is like to have children ‘till we do have children. That’s what everyone with lil’ rug rats tell me. I think I agree now. I’m glad that I’m still where I am. Miss ChongChong walked over to the bar where I was leaning against looking over an ocean of tiny feets and hands. I was introducing myself to a 3-year-old. I think the cupcake likes my top. Can’t help it, my fashion sense rules!! Miss ChongChong asks me if I can see myself living this world now. Definitely not yet. I’m such a child compared to all them ladies in the corner: married chicks tend to stand around married chicks and avoid single chicks like plague. It will be a big dive should I ever get hitched and have children. Perhaps I’m younger than I imagined. I’ve always thought I’m such an old spinster but here I am probably old enough to rival a toddler. I cannot even in the least imagine their sense of responsibility. It’s such a frightening thought.

Ah Clar's place in Kota Kemuning. Lots of married people timm..

Kiddy J. and friends

aduuuh...

Somehow I feel I'm looking more of a mother (horrors!!) than Miss ChongChong.

P.S: Dddy bought the new Ralph Lauren polos from Hong Kong and they're HOT!!


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