Monday, May 15, 2006

talk about karma

I was absolutely fuming awhile ago 'cos my delivery got stolen YET AGAIN. This time by a deviously cunning midwife in pink. I hate 'her' kind. She hides behind her innocent smile and pastel “tudung” but underneath all that superficial layers of youthful niceness lies the personality of an eccentric old lady ever ready to shove you into her oven. MissVitVit handed me her patient which makes that lady MY patient. Her cervix was already 5 – 6 cm dilated which meant it was probably an hour or two to delivery. I really wanted a delivery on my own and this was the chance that I was waiting for. I had been checking on the lady constantly… all the while the pink b*tch was sitting beside her massaging the mother’s tummy. I now realize that’s just a crafty way of ‘booking’ the patient. She’s not actually interested in massaging the lady, she just needs to have an excuse to park herself beside the patient so that she could get a headstart whenever the opportunity arises. CH*MAKAN. Damn angry. Anyway, Miss RusRus was getting ready to do a USG (ultrasound) so I quickly went to the next room to have a look. We hardly get a chance to use the USG all by ourselves so it was pretty exciting. The patient was VERY overweight and she had leaves and such stuck to her body from a superstitious ritual to ward off evil spirits. There was a dreadful rash all over her body goodness knows from the leaves or some other previous nonsensical ritual and she safety pinned a pair of scissors to the left side of her blouse (which the kids later explained to be is part of the funny ritual as well) *raised eyebrow*. Cut to post-USG, I returned to my patient to see how she was doing since I heard her wailing from next door. To my utter horror (and disgust) the pink b*tch was all gloved and aproned up ready to assist the delivery!! I couldn’t take over ‘cos the spotlight was on and the senior midwives were already crowding her. I kept my cool though. I just looked at her, took a deep breath and found some other trivial task to do: recording some other patient’s fetal heart rate etc. I was so angry-lah but what could I do except curse her under my breath. Bloody *&*%$%@@$$#$% thief!! Looking at how the process was going, I had a hunch things were not going to go well. The mother seemed fatigued and most of all they didn’t have ME: the CHEERLEADER!! I feel I’m pretty good at cheering mothers on… I do this thing like how a tug-of-war coach would and most of the time it really works. I’ve had quite afew mothers thanking me for aiding them during their delivery. Sometimes I feel I didn’t even do anything but, hey, maybe the encouragement means more to them than it does to me. The pink b*tch wasn’t gonna get any of that from me.

An hour after she commenced assisting the delivery, I checked back on the b*tch and to my utter surprise (or maybe NOT hehe) no progress from before. The mother has not delivered, no baby’s head visually crowning, nothing. Weird. Then an hour later (here comes the good part) Dr Effy rushes in and gets all gloved up. I was wondering how come Dr Effy had to come over and realized that she was gonna perform vacume on the baby. So the b*tch doesn’t get to deliver after all. OMGGG PADAN HER G*DDAMN MUKA. I was exhilarated!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA me so happy. That’ll teach her right for being unfair and stealing my patient. I was actually gonna be nice and share the lady with her. Now nobody gets anything which is fine by me. I cannot believe how fast karma reacted. Whoah. Rad.


OMG. I may be constantly self-doubtful or the biggest moron sometimes but I do know SOME things. Like 5 minutes ago, Ah Nggun thought his patient was about to deliver. I was supposed to share the delivery with him 'cos he was nice enough to let me have her (seriously, I didn't really want her though 'cos her case seems to be too problematic and I’m such a lazy bum). He instructed me to perform the internal examination, which I did. Unfortunately my fingers were so damn short that I couldn't tell how big the cervical dilatation (it might have to around 8cm) was but I could tell that the baby's head has NOT engaged so there's NOT going to be a delivery anyway. Ah Nggun was headstrong that the mother was gonna have to deliver there and then but I didn't think it was possible. In the end I was right: f*ck, told him so.


Since we “jaga” night/morning before, our rotation during the daytime post-“jaga” is the Polyclinic ‘cos it usually ends early and we get to jet home to sleep pronto. A lady walks in with a very worried look. Her friend accompanying her told me the latter was afraid she was pregnant and it could not be so as she hadn’t had sex since her husband died 2 years back. She was a cute middle-aged lady with chief complaints of cessation of menses and breast tenderness. She was worried that if she really WAS pregnant, she’d be the talk of town. I asked her amongst others if she had sex recently and she denied having sex. I told her if she was frank about that, the stop in her normal menstruation cycle was just probably due to stress. Her friend laughed and teased that it was probably the need to have sex that’s causing her to stop menstruating. She must really care what people thought of her ‘cos she started to get emotional and by the time she got to Dr Phil (interns do the initial assessments and the consultants give the final nod of consent), she was in tears. The poor lady. Dr Phil reassured her that if she did not have sex, there was NO reason to be afraid of being pregnant and even if the entire village decides to speculate on her pregnancy she needn’t have to hide ‘cos the fact is she CANNOT get pregnant without having sex. *sigh* Poor lady, those village people are meanies. I know-lah how she must have felt, it’s somewhere along the lines of being bullied. I was bullied in high school… society can be harsh.
Then another lady enters also looking all worried and stuff. She visited a midwife to consult about a bulge in her stomach. The midwife diagnosed it as a tumor and advised her to better get it assessed with a doctor. As Dr Phil scanned her stomach he told her she had something growing in her stomach alright but it wasn’t a tumor. It was a baby!! “Astafirulloh….etc!!” Kekeke it was funny to watch her exclaim in horror ‘cos you could see the authentic shock in her face. She told Dr Phil it was impossible since she NEVER missed her birthcontrol injections. But wait… Dr Phil’s eyes squinted and he was like, “Wait a minute… there are two heartbeats. You have twins!!” “Astafirulloh… etc!!” At that time I couldn’t contain my laughter and I laughed out loud. Everyone thought it was amusing as well. The mother couldn’t decide whether she was appalled or delighted with the news of 2 extra children in her life. I could tell from her face it was a burdening form of good news ‘cos she didn’t look like she could afford another, heck TWO new babies. She already has 3. She was slightly reassured that the babies seemed OK and all that but still recovering from the shock that all the while she was pregnant and didn’t know it. What puzzled her even more was that the midwife did not detect this and had the cheek to diagnose it as a tumor. KAKAKA damn amusing-lah that entire scenario. Later she admitted that for 6 months while her husband was away, she took a break from the birth control injections and only resumed a week after he returned. ADOIII I really don’t get these people… they think that the whole “ponteng” few days wouldn’t matter but it DOES. That’s why they’re always told not to miss a day. Aiyaaa. *shakes head shakes head*


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