Monday, March 06, 2006

Mr X

Recovering from Friday’s ‘jaga’. I feel so much better sleeping in till 10am today. I hardly get to do that ‘cos Orthopedics require us to follow-up patients at 5-freaking-30 in the morning EVERY morning. Besides Ah Uto and I had a patient with a hematoma in his occipital (giant blood clot at the back of his head) that had active bleeding and kept us busy for 6 hours straight. I distinctively told Irvan (chief intern of the day) that he should hold handing us any more patients for abit so we could get a breather. But nooooo… next thing you know, he throws us a 4-year-old boy who got bitten by the neighbour’s dog in the ass. You’d think it was one of those things you’d only imagine and that it was mere fear that keeps us away from dogs but guess what?! It really does happen. That poor boy.

I don’t recover as well as I used to, post-‘jaga’. I mean it used to be...
DAY ONE: ‘jaga’
DAY TWO: rest
DAY THREE: perky self pops back up
DAY FOUR: do a lil’ “menabung tidur” (energy conservation)
DAYONE: Oooh ‘jaga’.

Now it’s DAY ONE: ‘jaga’
DAY TWO: rest
DAY THREE: more rest
DAY FOUR: still more rest
DAY ONE: WTF?!! ‘jaga’ already?!!

As much as I find ‘jaga’ to be absolutely deploring, I am secretly addicted to it somehow or rather. I love the sense of belonging the ER gives me. Especially the feeling of being in need or the fact that everything or anything I do counts be it something absolutely petty as noting the respiration rate or removing clothes (exposure). I am so significant in the ER. Residents and patients need me which is such a special feeling. Life starts to depend on me: it can be quite overwhelming at times but mostly reassuring. Reassuring because it helps me learn to enjoy what I do even more and that ultimately I am doing something worth something. It’s silly that I still have to convince myself everyday to keep myself in the zone *shrug*.

So many things happened this week. Like the fact I asked an orthopaedics surgical resident out and he turned me DOWN :P Yup, he did. You can imagine what it did to my already-bruised ego. Thing is I thought I’d get all devastated and sh*t over it but surprisingly enough I didn’t allow it to get to me that badly. Perhaps with all the work I’m buried under, I moved on much more quickly and was not more bothered about it than I imagined I would have been. I mean like, hello (??), there’re things called grades!! Also I got, like, full score for Orthopaedics from my Proceptor, Dr Nucky, which is sooo cool. I abso-f*cking-lutely lurrrve Dr Nucky. He’s such a great person!! I mean when it comes to academics he’s really serious about it but when he lets loose he’s the fun-nest person to talk to. He tells us all these weird facts of life regarding sex and realities about marriages. I LOVE it!! I know some people in my group get kinda uneasy with the filthy jokes or the bizarre stories he relays to us but I totally lap it up. Weird thing is I kinda know nuts bout Orthopaedics but I got an 8 (full marks). Weird ah? Most of the smarties I know got a 7. Kekeke *smiles in the inside* Dr Nucky thinks I’m ignorant or in his exact words “polos” which means see-through. He told me that I should learn to be craftier in order to survive in our line of duty. I shall remember that always. Dr Nucky rules!! And then there’s this boy who got bitten by a snake and he brought it in a plastic mineral bottle. VERY WEIRD. Oh oh and Dr Nucky thought I was 17 years old!! I haven’t the faintest idea how come everyone thinks I’m a bloody teenager. I mean I’m turning quarter a century and everyone thinks I’m this absolute kid. VERY VERY WEIRD.

Maybe I should elaborate on Mr X: the resident who turned down my date invite. I christen him Mr X ‘cos he literally X-ed me. X me. X me?? I mean I know I’m no Miss Dominican Republic but it’s not like I’m asking him to marry me. I just wanted a date: go out… maybe if we’re lucky and get past the awkwardness… actually have some fun. G*d knows how much I need some. Also I promised myself I WILL go out on a freaking date before I bloody turn 25. I’m turning 25 so soon that I could give Dominoes delivery a run for their money. I figured I should alter my old mentality of being such a schmuck ‘bout dating and do something about my debilitating social life. Just do it. So Nike says. I mean don’t they research that most of the times when we ‘Just Do It’ we end up ‘F*cking It’? The entire day that I had intended to ask him out, visions of Ivan’s ‘Run Forest Run’ scenario kept flashing in my mind again and again and again. It really made me reconsider oh-so-many times whether I should go ahead with the plan or not. Everyone totally thinks I should gather some balls and try it out. So at one point as he was about to leave the building I suddenly decided that I would f*cking do it!! I mean he’s bound to say yes. It’s just a date right? I overestimated myself:

(conversation)
moi: Dr!!Mr X: Yes?moi: Umm Dr would you like to go out with me this Saturday night?Mr X: Uhh… what do you mean?
moi: Would you like to, I dunno, watch a movie or something with me tomorrow night?Mr X: I ‘jaga’ tomorrow night.(S I L E N C E for 7 whole seconds… I know ‘cos I counted :P)
moi: Oh OK, thank you Dr. *turns around and RUNS*
I know it was lame for me to thank him but I really didn’t know what else to say. To push it by suggesting another time would seem so desperate. I had better salvage whatever integrity I had left and leave. I mean if he was genuinely interested in going out with me he could at least have offered another day but he didn’t so thus I just humiliated myself in front of him and my group mates (they tagged behind me as moral support). It was like reliving ‘Run Ivan Run’ all over again!! I mean I know people always feel so mortified that they wish the world would open up and swallow them whole, it would be really helpful if that could actually happen. I mean I’m not hurt, just disappointed and even a lil’ pissed off. Everyone was trying to console me like I lost my puppy but I really wasn’t so unhappy, just stunned that I got turned down yet again. I was not in lurrrve with him. I just thought his intelligence was SO compelling and when I heard he was single (a senior chief resident informed me), I figured what the heck: you’re single.. I’m single.. let’s date!! What’s most important to me is my reputation but there’s a big chance tomorrow I might be known as that Malaysian-girl-whose-date-invitation-got-turned-down-by-Mr-X. I might not be able to live this down. All he needs to do is just tell one colleague and the whole f*cking hospital would be in the know tomorrow. Oh where am I gonna put my face?? I really don’t know why I did it, now that I have ample time to really consider. I’m so MAD that I’m beyond my own comprehension. Now all I hope is that I don’t ever bump into him anymore (especially during ‘jaga!! Oh how I pray) and that I never need to visit the Orthopaedics department. He could have just saved us all the trouble and tell me he’s dating someone else or something. Damn. “I ‘jaga’ tomorrow night.” It’s the lamest excuse ever, couldn’t he have been more original? :P

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