Monday, February 27, 2006

hi-ho hi-ho

I’m waiting for Ah Gianto to come pick me up for temple-agoing. A lil’ :P ‘bout it… I always get like this when it comes to prayers and stuff. Maybe because I don’t know what to do that I end up feeling like an idiot. I’m tired. He’d better come soon ‘cos I might decide to forfeit the foray and turn to slumber land instead. I told Miss IyanIyan that I’ve come to a decision that I will not be looking for a relationship anymore but instead have some fun which translates as flirt / go out / date [I find that hard to believe though… Moi?? Dating?? XD] everyone around town. She’s really excited for me. Miss IyanIyan has been a big supporter of ‘have-some-fun’ and she has tried to persuade me to do so from the beginning itself but I was so persistent in finding my knight in shining armour that I forgot about the magic of being unattached. I will now exploit this arena I have left unscathed for so long.


Still feel a little lethargic despite my afternoon nap. This morning went by delightfully. Ah Gianto got lost and arrived a little later than expected. It couldn’t have been THAT hard to find my accommodation… it’s like the most famous kosan in Jl. Kesehatan. I was semi apprehensive having to travel on his kap-chai [eee-yer so the NOT glamourous!!] motorbike ever since I watched all the Head-Injury cases rolling in one after another into the Emergency Room: 95% of which caused by motorbike accidents. He brought me the safe sorta helmet (the kind that wraps the entire head and is HEAVY and has like this windshield thing that could flap up and down) since I told him a million times to, the day before. Breezing on the motorbike is undeniably very liberating and fun. No worries about traffic jams or whachamacalit though a clump of grey clouds did concern me. He scheduled for us to miss kebaktian (this is when there’s like an hour long of prayer session which I kinda loathe) which is great or I’d be sent to Uncomfortable Central pronto. All we came for was a short incense-burning take which is brilliant as a baby-step effort in my part. I played with the stick-shaking thingy where you ask like a question (in my case regarding Mr Hotstuff OF COURSE) and shake a bunch of sticks till one falls out and you get a reading:

Ciamsie No.85

Permulaan musim semi hujan angin halus terus-menerus
Orang yang bikin perjalanan seribu pal jauhnya
Meninggalkan yang sedikit ambil yang banyak tuan telah berhasil
Cuma sayang dalam perjalanan pulang sebaliknya tidak karuan

Maksudnya: Jangan temaha hanya mesti terima nasib, perkara harus didamaikan, harus jaga bahaya dari luaran percobaan tidak baik, penyakit melit, kalau sembahyang dan berdo’a pada Sin Beng, peruntungan bisa datang, selamanya banyak halangan dan kesukaran biarpun banyak berdaya-upaya, akhirnya tidak berguna suatupun.
Tegasnya: Dikasih adpis harus jaga apa yang sudah ada dan jangan bertindak sembarangan, nanti waktunya sudah sampai, pasti keadaan jadi berobah baik. [basically it all boils down to watchful waiting… bah!!]
After that we had breakfast together just outside and there’s this old man who makes a killer orange juice!! When Ah Gianto suggested we go to SuMur (Susu Murni), I figured he meant the next time we go out we should go to SuMur so I said OK. We got to talking while crusing down Lembang that I didn’t realize the journey was extra long to get home and when I finally did, he seemed to have turned back up Lembang towards SuMur. I thought it was really sweet but thank goodness I didn’t have another appointment scheduled or the surprise would have been a nightmare instead. Ah Gianto and I share a lot of things in common like personal responsibilities and emotional burdens. Sometimes I feel we inflict this upon ourselves but there are some things we just cannot help defending. He is such a planner and so am I. I can see that it weighs us down much but someone has to do the dirty job of being responsible. He told me of his ambitions and fears and sad things that have happened to him. Such an old soul for such a young age.

I had such a pleasant time despite the kapchai motorbike bit and the next time he promises to bring me to Boscha to do some star-gazing. How cool is that?!! I’m so glad we’re acquainted.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

"there's a hero..."

This an absolutely unfortunate looking picture of him: totally does him NO JUSTICE. He is hotter than this I swear on the heavens.

Just came from dinner with Ah Koso. It’s nice to get out once in awhile for food instead of forever terperuk in my room having TV dinners.

moi: Eh, you know this boy… angkatan ’99… Mr Hotstuff?Ah Koso: Yeah… the one that plays basketball?
moi: He plays basketball?Ah Koso: Yeah. Why?moi: I think he’s HOT.
Ah Koso: *guffaws* finally my little friend falls head over heels for anak I didn’t say fall head over heels. I just think he’s HOT. Though I get the feeling he’s a little… how shall I put this (?)… rigid.Ah Koso: He is from SMA (High School) Taruna (something-I-can’t-remember).moi: What’s with Indon and their obsession for high schools? I mean everytime I ask someone bout someone, the first thing they tell me is the high school the bugger came from. Like it matters!!
Ah Koso: It matters to anak Indon ‘cos the high school you come from reflects on the person you are or should be. Like Arshi, he’s from the same high school as Mr Hotstuff. Their high school is a military high school and the only way you can qualify to enter is if you’re an all-rounder excelling in sports and academics. Almost everyone from that high school is a winner. So Mr Hotstuff must be pretty brilliant. And I have loadsa friends from that place, they’re all rigid like you said… must be because of all the Oh.
Ah Koso: You like these sort of boys ah. The sort who are Hey!! I never said that.
Ah Koso: You didn’t have to.

It’s not true. I never said I wanted someone who was rigid. I mean whoever in the world would want a partner who’s a stiff stone?? And I can’t really say for sure that Mr Hotstuff’s unyielding… just that the other day when we had dinner together [Ah Pas invited me to have dinner with him. In a sense I felt really groovy ‘cos they’re both so exclusive and Ah Pas can be quite the snob. He asked me twice that day so it must have taken a lot of ego. KAKAKA. And how could I pass off having dinner with Ah Pas? He IS pretty. The bonus was having Mr Hotstuff come along. I should have known, they’re both somewhat inseparable or something] and I walked pass some people sitting by the curb when Mr Hotstuff stopped me in my spot to tell me I should have mentioned “excuse me” to those people. So righteous :P I don’t really know whether I like it or that I was the least bit amused he told me off like that. I’m still discerning. He’s lucky he’s HOT that I forgive him anyways. Who could stay angry with that face?
Ah Pas' making it really really hard for me and so is Ah Ggies. In fact it sure seems like the whole world expects me to declare some undying lurve declaration whatnot. Seriously. These people have to get a grip. I just like the way he looks. It’s not like I wanna marry him though marrying him would be good ‘cos my kids would be great looking taking after their handsome father. I mean there we were the 3 of us (Mr Hotstuff, Ah Pas, I) walking back from dinner in the dark and Ah Pas says out aloud: “I think I’d better step back and let the both of you have some privacy.” OMG!! I just died when he said that. Immediately the ambience turned ice cold or something and everyone fell silent. I was racking my head for a friendly rebuttal but I just couldn’t figure anything good enough to salvage the situation. Whilst that, I walked pass those curb people, consumed in my thoughts, without excusing myself. Hence the telling off priorly mentioned. Hmmph.

Ah Gianto was using the comp at the mess (for interns). Ah Gianto’s an old friend I met in Buddhist Society [yup, you read that right]. Used to go over his place quite abit ‘cos Miss MuskiMuski wanted to go borrow notes and stuff. I always felt Miss MuskiMuski and him had an unmentioned thing going on but they never said so I never asked. He had this weird thing in his room then like a helicopter hanging from his light switch with a ninja on it and when you pulled on it once the yellow light would turn on but if you pulled on it twice it would switch to white fluorescent light. Really cool. He did it himself. So anyways we got to talking and he started telling me really personal things about himself. Something bout early mornings just make people wanna narrate their life stories sometimes. Apparently he was never that religious either!! And during kebaktian (prayer session), sometimes he’d fall asleep. OMG!! ME TOO!! Damn if I had know we shared this in common ‘bout having to go to the temple, I would have SO the hung out with him every Buddhist Society excursion. I got the impression he was some religious freak ‘cos most of the weekly prayer sessions were always at his place and he kinda gave mini sermons after each get-together. He told me that he was requested to provide a place for prayers and to give a small speech at the end of the session of which he did but never voluntarily. So funny, weird funny. Anyways he does go to the temple now and is trying to restore some faith in his life. I really think it’s a noble effort. I believe I’ve mentioned before but there will come times when things turn dreadful and you have absolutely nowhere to turn to, solace comes when you turn to faith. It’s such a powerful entity this thing called faith. He asked me to tag along with him this weekend so he could show me that temples aren’t as scary as I think them to be. I told him I’d think about it. I am considering going. Perhaps it’s time I face my fears. And goodness knows how much I am in need of some faith.

Ah Ggies is SO naughty. We really are of a kindred soul. Too bad Mr Hotstuff doesn’t share his charisma. Guess you can’t have everything.

s*bucks opening in bandung indah plaza (bip)

Perhaps all the solo trips (yes, I do mean putting up with those "I always see you here alone" remarks) to S*buck really paid off 'cos it got me all popular with the staff and all. So when they offered me an invitation to go to the big opening of S*bucks in the newly refurbished BIP, how could I pass it off?? Am I starting to get popular-o?? Yeayyy!! I got the invitation in the mail afew days before the event and was so excited to bring Miss KhaiKhai, coffee connoiseur, along so we could totally have some laughs. Unfortunately Miss KhaiKhai could not make it so I almost thought I had to go it alone. As I was headed there, I bumped into Miss KosKos who then proceeded to tell me the rest of them were off to S*bucks too but for Ryan's gig. Ryan's this upcoming star who sings soul and is supposedly really cute. Fortunately for my invite all of 'em got in for free and managed to score a whole bunch of free food and drinks. Yes-lah we're a big bunch of freeloaders. Cannot meh?! Was pretty fun-lah. Got to catch up with much girly gossips :D You know how much me LIKES that ;)

Miss KosKos and I: the two princesses of the day

Why am I so FAT? (OK we know the answer to that. Don't be mean. Let me mope)

I came 'cos I was invited. They came 'cos they were groupies. ME is CLASSY. But he IS cute *wink*

Hanging out with the band post-gig.

Indon tweenies all-time favourite past time: ending the day with a good-ole photobox picture :) Clockwise from top L: Miss IyanIyan, Miss KosKos, Miss JoeJoe, Shelbulous moi

Saturday, February 25, 2006

mr scary

Tomorrow’s the end of Oncology. Boo-hoo!! :( I am so enjoying Oncology and just a lil’ sad to see it come to an end. I mean I always thought Oncology was like the most boring bit of Medicine but it’s NOT. It’s pretty out-of-this-world especially since Bandung, or perhaps Indon in general, carries such extreme cancer cases I can’t help but be so intrigued. Also Dr Dadster has been making the environment so nice for me. He’s taken a fondness for me which I am so enjoying and taking advantage of. It all started on Monday when I was thrusted a new patient… after history taking and persistent physical examination, I looked out for a resident for confirmation. Everyone else apart from Dr Dadster was busy handling somebody. I tried to hold out for someone else (still scarred from previous encounter during ‘jaga’) but it was taking too long so I had to resort to him in the end. He is a strict person but when he teaches, he TEACHES which I really appreciate [Miss NylaNyla (senior) told me back during the jaga-post-DrDadster-hammering that ‘marah itu cinta’: that he probably saw a quality in me that needed working on which could help me accomplish great achievements or that he recognize my potential and decided that I shouldn’t be a lazy-ass and waste my life away. Wahhh. Deep huh? KAKAKA. I disbelieved it then… thinking he just saw me as an outlet for his frustration. Miss NylaNyla might probably right… he really did wanna teach me something. How cool is that?!!]. At the end of everything, he asked me for my diagnosis. What?!! I wouldn’t know. I mean like hello it’s his job to diagnose, not mine!! So there we were seated, in front of the patient, waiting for me to come to a conclusion. I diagnosed it as a lipoma (fatty benign tumour) ‘cos of the soft consistency and benign characteristics. How would I know? As his hand scribbled out onto the medical record: D/K: Lipoma a/r …. I was like “NO WAYYY!!” Did I just make my first CORRECT diagnosis?? OMG!! I felt like I was standing on top of the world.

moi: Dr, is the diagnosis really lipoma?
Dr Dadster: It is if you think it is.
moi: Wait, wait… I mean I think it is based on bla-bla-bla... do you think it is??
Dr Dadster: If you think it is, it is. Do you think it is?
moi: I think it is. It is?
Dr Dadster: It is.
moi: It IS…!!

I was jumping up and down in my mind. I could see from the expression of his face that he was pretty glad I wasn’t THAT much of a nut-head. Yeayyy!! So this is how it feels like to be NON nuthead.

My group mates have this joke among themselves, which I don’t find funny, that at every end of discussion with some resident / department, they would leave me to be the ‘souvenir’. Example, the other time when we were done with Dr Dadster’s tutoring and he requested for a fee, everyone turned to me and told him that they’d wrap me up for him. WHAT?! Like I’m some kinda pet like a FAT cat (oh wait, that’s Garfield… OK FAT hedgehog) to give away like a pet. This happens a lot. I hate it when they do that but it’s some kinda Indon inside joke that I don’t get ‘cos the residents always find it so amusing. I’ve instructed them to stop doing so but they never do.

A few days back we were having post-mortem on my Mini-CEX exam with afew other group mates and my examiners when a senior Mr Scary walks in to have a few words with the 2 doctors. Before Mr Scary left, he turned to point to me and requested aloud that I was to be well taken care of on his behalf. I’ve probably met Mr Scary once during ‘jaga’ or something and he probably asked me to go fetch a syringe for him or something as trivial as that so I really didn’t think he found me any significant. Well later that day, as my group and I were having lunch together, I was suddenly bombarded with questions:

Miss FikFik:
So how well do you know Mr Scary?
moi: Not well.
Miss FikFik: Are the both of you close?
moi: No.
Miss FikFik: Have you met before?
moi: No. [where is this going?]
Miss FikFik: Then how come he seemed so friendly towards you?
moi: I dunno.
Miss FikFik: Do you know him? You both seem to know each other.
moi: Oh yeah? I think I only met him once or something.
Miss FikFik: You sure? Then how come when he came in he asked to titip you…
moi: *standing up from table* Listen here you biatches!! If you’re trying to insinuate that I’m sleeping with Mr Scary you are all f*cking outta your minds!! F*ck all of you!!

F*ck. I have no words.

Thursday, February 23, 2006


(email: Sophiekins)
[as usual-lah can’t be bothered to reiterate this incident so I’ll do it the DIFFICULT way of cut-n-paste]

“oiii punk.

it's not that i don't reply your mails. i don't have the time. and when i do, i don't have the mood cos i'm so f*cking tired or bored that all i wanna do is sleep or watch dvds. and my timing nowadays is so frantic that i can never make it to the post office in time. they close at an odd hour of 2pm or sumtin like that. so the only time i can send you something is when i'm home and actually i did write u a letter but i forgot to put it into the envelope with ur stickers + scrunchies. i left a note for mum to send it to you with the cny card but i dunno if she did... you know her. she hoards unsent mails.

yeah the aygo's pretty cute. funny how there's still no launch of a new toyota when Miss KeaKea has been driving her yaris for years and yaris is now in indon. so maybe we either get a yaris or an aygo. i just want a new car period. don't care if it steers away from our signature colour. i mean here i am in my great outfit and my vuitton but i climb into this broken down murmuring engined piece of *ahem*. ok so I’m starting to sound like a brat but the car's really DUNZO (learnt it from laguna beach, you gotta watch it. it's mtv's reality tv: the REAL oc). bring home the series for you ok. together with 1 3 hill.

didn't manage to catch that spanish apartment film you pointed out. was too busy dealing with nonsense back home: visa and what not. celebrity is still in the books. saw that lavinia tan girl. she is pretty outgoing but damnit she's cock-eyed-lah. thing is she's boyish, which to lonely planet probably translates as adventurous, and she probably has some talents that none of the others usually have... she seems the sort who could ride a motor bike, climb a cliff and eat crap. i don't find her particularly interesting as i do ian wright.

boys are such #ssholes. oh well. what can i say? not like i ever had many good memories that involve their gender. miss remrem's tarot cards revealed that almost all the boys in my life have been deceits and they they were such liars that now i'm scarred for life. which is true. maybe someone cursed us or something but whatever it is i really hate it that they lead me on. i don't know if they treat all girls like that but somehow i end up being part of the list. i mean you DON'T HAVE to be that nice to me if you have a girlfriend. and you don't HAVE TO BE such a hero and save me from my dillemas if you're not interested in me. they do that and then i fall only to realize to myself they'll never leave their stick-insect girlfriends and they just run to me when they want everything other than a relationship. i don't want that anymore. so now i'm just befriending EVERYONE (and getting really really popular whilst at it which is weird... i didn't even crave for that popularity. everyone just happen to know me. i don't even know them most of the time) and trying to have a platonically good time with boys. i have like really cute boys in my circle of mates like mr hotstuff for one and eh pas and ah nggie and so many others. oh and of course like i mentioned long time before that i communic8 really well with boys who are known to be attached cos i don't freeze up and say sh*t. also maybe cos i'm malaysian and i'm quirky. guess it helps to be an individual... i just realized i gobbled out a whole bunch of shit but i'm too lazy to erase so i'll just keep the paragraph.

Miss HannonHannon's (our cousin) asking why you haven't been replying her email. i haven't either. hahaha.

what else is new?? the fact that last night i went out on a school nite and had like 7 drinks!! it was a 2nd degree friend's bday bash and i got invited along with few other girls to this partayyy in a mexican restaurant. basically the weekend before this i tagged along miss renjitrenjit's new boyfriend's crowd to club on a weekend. free flow of drinks on them and an exclusive spot at the

reserved vip space. i really could get used to this. i mean none of them appealed to me at all but the perks were there. besides they're all indians so that keeps me safe in a corner at least and i didn't have to watch my actions to impress anyone which felt SO liberating. and then one of em came over and invited us to his bday thing. they're all really rich so free mexican food and alcohol. i could not say no. i mean i really contemplated not going cos of work blabla but f*ck it-lah i have been containing myself for 5 freaking yrs and i'm just gonna have to be a lil more spontaneous if I want things to progress with my social life. i saw myself in some pictures recently and i realized i lost my glow. the glow that makes me ME. it horrified me. after this outing i got a lil of it back but it came with a price. i kinda f*cked up a clinical skill test i

had today cos i returned at 2 in the am and didn't have time to study for the test later that morning. suck. plus i woke up late and now i have a penalty paper to write. i mean the aftermath literally sucked and i was feeling really sucky the entire afternoon but i'm better now. i decided i shouldn't waste my joy. and if i f*cked up the test today i'll just have to persevere and do damage control pronto. i must not make myself regret that nite because it was such a great night. i sang to the crowd too. i haven't done it since i was traumatised by the entire jatinangor idol incident but it was for fun. and it got my singing

confidence back up. do you know ah nand "bday boy" calls me PING PING? OMG!!! cos we were all introducing ourselves to him, since he invited us without being fully aware who we were at the club, and he heard all our names wrong and when it came to me he swore he heard ping ping. there is not even an inch of relevance between ping ping and sbaby. but it was such a

laugh. the girls there were HOT. and his fiancée this indian girl from singapore looked like a hindi filmstar. they all do. guess all rich northern indians all look like that.

other than that umm... my room's a big pile of mess that i intend to clear this weekend. i jaga tomorrow which sucks but at least it keeps my weekends free.

dunno what else to talk about-lah. most of the random trivial crap you can read off my blog. it's not like i'm not trying to write you or anything. just got nothing to say at least back home i can send you parcels with crap which is worth more than i could ever wanna say. know what i mean? oklah. bye. take good care. study your m*tha f*cking ass off. got some relatives gossip i will write you later about. till then…

all my loving,


Tuesday, February 21, 2006

"all i wanna do is have some fun before i die"

I hate it that people are starting to tease me with Mr Hotstuff. I’m just trying to make a friend that has a face of an angel. Now I’m sure he’s going to be sent into Uncomfortable Central and there’s gonna be a halt in what could be a really great friendship. OK-lah maybe not that GREAT a friendship. For me, mostly, it’s more of not being able to look at him anymore without him giving me an “Oh boy” expression. It hasn’t happened yet but it might as well happen. It always does anyway. *giggle* I know I’m blowing this outta proportion but his face really lights up my day. And it’s been a long while since I had innocent girly-girly crush. And I just lose it when people give me such a hard time when cute boys wanna be my friend. So what if I’m FAT?!! So what if boys wanna make friends with a FAT girl?!! F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me a g*ddamn break!!!!!! Society are such *ssholes sometimes. I mean already they don’t allow me to date pretty boys, now I can’t even ‘friend’ them?!! What is it that makes the world so inferior to me that they have to sabotage a small good thing that may happen in my life? Sh*t. Now I’m all riled up.

Sunday, February 19, 2006


Mr Hotstuff was wearing the university blazer today ‘cos Orthopaedics (his current sub-division) was having a brevet. He looks HOT with a capital ‘H’. I could look at him all day :)

These few days has been a whirlwind. First and foremost, most importantly, Dr Kiki told me I have made much improvement since my tutorial days back in Jatinangor. WOW. I don’t really know for sure if he meant it (‘cos he might be obliged to say it since he used to be my personal tutor back in days and he knows me pretty well ‘cos of the trouble I used to get in with my studies) but I take it as a huge encouragement. I mean I really thought I was starting to slip up with my constant need for sleep, absolutely compromising on studies and don’t even get me started on my debilitating social life [heehee not like I had one to start with, but one has got to whine]. I HAVE been busting my ass trying to impress Dr Kiki, despite the lack in intellect. I really didn’t want to disappoint him you know, with him being my ex-tutor and all. Besides he’s a great big supporter of the Problem-Based-Learning (PBL) which is the fundamental approach of my program. Not being able to perform well would be a disgrace to him and PBL. I mean, he pointed out from the start that he was in full awareness that I’ve entered the Surgical rotation. During the first week of Biomolecular lecture, I had fallen asleep post-jaga [interns do that a lot, it’s one the only times we get to catch a little sleep] when suddenly for no apparent reason Dr Kiki (who happened to lecture that day) calls out my name!! Thank goodness I have the ability to continue hearing when I’m semi-sleeping ‘cos I immediately jumped to my feet and went “Yes, Dr??”. My groupmates were amazed that I snapped so quickly out of my nap that I didn’t even look suspicious. The entire hall turned to look at me: surgical interns AND residents!! He just called out to ask how I was. Phew. And then when we entered Digestive, he spotted me [not really since I stayed out of clear view but he read my name in the roster and picked my group to be his. I knew if he saw me he’d do that but I forgot ‘bout the namelist so it didn’t matter that I stood behind Afit the entire time… we were gonna get picked anyway] and seemed delighted I had finally arrived at Digestive. “Sbaby, How are you? I miss you.” Crap. *rolls my eyes* Bet my group’s never gonna live this down. G*DD and boy did he pick on me constantly when it came to BST. “Sbaby, list me the criterias of Charcod’s Triad”, “Sbaby, what do you think of Miss FikFik’s statement?”, “Sbaby, do you know the answer to Ah Karto’s question?” Sbaby this and Sbaby that. Problem is I couldn’t answer alot of the time making me feel like such a fool afterward. Damn. So anyways you can imagine my surprise when he made the statement I mentioned initially. Is it possible that I’m better than I was then? Wow.

I jaga-ed 2 days back. Dr Dadster [didn’t I warn you about amusing Indon names?] was the chief surgeon-on-duty that day. I’ve heard much of him: like how he’s this absolutely big flirt with the pretty chicks, he’s REALLY close with Miss GirGir’s sister (she’s in Plastic and is supposedly a really smart-ass surgeon) [I have seen them hanging out a lot: having meals at the cafeteria, taking mutual ciggie breaks] and Miss GradGrad claims he hit on her. OK, sometimes I don’t know for real if she’s telling the truth ‘cos she’s quite the slut but OK. Also Dr Dadster first rounded us up together prior before Surgical rotation to warn us not to KILL people which makes him some big shot’s wingman. He’s hot too so he’s popular with the girls. I still think Mr Hotstuff tops the list but I can’t deny Dr Dadster’s pretty fetching.

The moment I arrived a patient’s med-rec (medical record) was thrusted into my hands and next thing I know I blinked my eye and it was ‘sweeping’. Crap. Sweeping already?? Quickly started to memorize my patient’s data. Blinked my eye again. BHAM everyone’s crowded around my patient.

Dr Dadster: Who’s patient is this??
moi: Me *shows hand*
Dr Dadster: Sing.
moi: [Is he serious? He really wants me to sing? I know interns jump through hoops (on fire even) for residents but this is such a weird request. What song should I sing? Would it be appropriate for me to sing Jason Mraz’s ‘You And I Both’]
Dr Dadster: What are you waiting for?? Start singing!!
moi: [OMG. He’s really serious. Everyone’s looking at me. Maybe I’ll sing ‘Negaraku instead’]
Dr Dadster: Female… so-and-so years old… sing!! Sing!!
moi: [Ohhh so THAT’S singing] 38-year-old female enters ER with chief complaints of… [Phew. Thank goodness I didn’t like REALLY sing]

He asked me so many questions that I could not answer. So there I was this mute statue in front of my patient and every resident + intern on duty that night. I really thought I memorized my patient’s history to the core. But then he started to twist things about and I was rendered speechless. The crowd had already moved on to the next bed but he was still hovering over me asking me how is it possible that I could have mentioned her mucodermoid carcinoma was located at her mandible. No meh?? I really swear it was her diagnosis. In the end after he finally bothered to rejoin the pack, I scrambled for her details: Diagnosis Mucoepidermoid ca. a/r mandible. SO?!! What did I do wrong?? Crap. There must be something I don’t know bout this. He turned back to tell me that he was ONTO me that night ‘cos he was gonna be on duty which meant he was going to spot check on me properly. Oh brother!! Everyone was so amused at the drilling I got. I’m used to it. With me being a non-Indon, the fact I share the same name as a car and my odd idiosyncrasies which people somehow find entertaining, I can’t help but be a candidate for attention. Ah Pas thought it was hilarious that Dr Dadster picked on me kaukau. YEAH that’s ‘cos I got picked on and NOT him!! Ah Pas’s a jock so I bet life’s never crappy for him. Plus he’s hot so… need I say more?

Halfway assisting Miss AriAri inserting a urinary catheter for our 2-year-old incarcerated indirect inguinal hernia (who was as rowdy as a mad bull), Dr Dadster pops outta nowhere and starts banging questions bout hernia to me. Damn. I had to dual-focus which drove me up the wall. It was not a multitask of solitaire and a phone conversation while chewing bubble gum. I figured he’d leave me to settle things before continuing the Q&A seeing as I was absolutely buried in work but he just stood there expecting answers. Oh brother!! I mean Miss AriAri was with me, how come she didn’t have to answer anything?? T’was just me me me. I didn’t see him asking anyone else anything. Man.

Later at night after things had subdued and my mood had simmered (thanks to tea with Ah Ggies: he’s such a cute bunny, how could I stay unhappy with his company?) I returned to hernia boy to reattempt getting his i.v going again after what seems like the gazillionth time that he either ripped it out or made it clog [for hours we left him alone ‘cos we were too frustrated with his animosity… puts me off having a child for now]. Just as I were getting it to flow, I turned to my left and guess who I saw walking by me: Dr Dadster. Crap. DUCKED. Stayed in crouched position as hernia boy’s mother looked at me in bewilderment. Aisay, I almost escaped the chase if it weren’t Miss MayaMaya’s ignorance of pointing to me when Dr Dadster demanded to know where I was. $%$#^**&*%%$%#!!!!

Dr Dadster:
What are you doing?
moi: *poke my head up from behind the bunk* Spoeling the i.v, Dr.
Dr Dadster: It’s 3 am. You didn’t go to sleep?
moi: Not yet.
Dr Dadster: Oh.
Dr Dadster: So. Figured out the answers to my questions?

moi: Well… *blabbers sh*t that makes no sense whatsoever*
Dr Dadster: NO.*goes onto lengthy explanation of correcting my mistakes, explaining pathophysiological mechanisms and constantly pausing to test my intellect only to be replied with cries of silence hehe*

I could see from the corner of eye people walking past my bunk just wondering what the heck Dr Dadster was doing yakking at me over my patient at freaking 3 in the morning. Even darling Mr Hotstuff looked quizzically at us. (Attention?? SCORE!!) Guess people don’t get lectured that much in the ER. At the end of what seems like forever, Dr Dadster suddenly got kinda nice. His face softened and the tone of his voice became less rigid. He told me that if I ever had any questions on anything (even if it’s outside oncology) and everything, I should make a note of them and ask him about them and that he’s available everyday at the Oncology Surgical Polyclinic to answer my questions even after working hours. WOW. He’s like super kind after all. He’s my new favourite person now.

I’ve been so fortunate in Surgery so far. People around me have been so pleasant. People I jaga with are lovely and almost every resident know who I am. Residents actually recognize me and know my name. Even I don’t remember theirs but they know mine. I feel kinda special. I don’t deny that I am (and try to be) my most pleasant self so perhaps the positive aura has been most welcoming. Though I still have 5 weeks to go so let’s just see how things go the rest of the month huh?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

miss KhaiKhai turns 26

Miss KhaiKhai & moi

Strawberry Cheese Cake

From L-R: Miss KhaiKhai, Miss MilaMila, Miss TiTi, Miss RenRen

From L-R: Miss MilaMila's husband (forgot his name-lah), Miss MilaMila

From L-R: Ah Kas, Miss RenRen, Miss LidLid, moi: eating

Miss KhaiKhai's mugshot

Thursday, February 16, 2006

everybody hurts

(email: Ah Choy)

[can’t be bothered to reiterate this incident so I’ll do it the DIFFICULT way of cut-n-paste]

“my patient just went home. his name is didin and he's 17 yrs old. he sliced his left forefinger with a sabit while cutting grass for his kerbau. he can't speak much bahasa indonesia so i suppose he must have not gone to school. they have their own local dialect here called sunda. anyway it's a bad cut where he sliced the entire bone making it a fracture. they couldn't afford an operation and made do with a miserable aluminium splint. i can imagine how the pain must have been unbearable. sigh. usually i pretty much am unfazed over sufferings but this case is exceptional. perhaps i'm pms-ing or maybe he just happen to strike a chord in my limp heart but he made me cry. i hate it that simple nice people have to suffer just cos he was trying to earn an honest living. i hate it that money rules so much of our lives that if it's not involved therefore medicine can't offer more. i hate it that after awhile surgeons get so numb that they don't even bother to pretend to be nice to patients. sigh. don't know if in the end he can move his finger or not cos his nerves seems quite damage after everything.

yah just wanted to talk about it. like i said before, i miss talking to you too. we are so fortunate. we are. we are fortunate cos we don’t have dying families and everyone is just great and and we're safe. we're lucky that we dont need to think twice to afford medication or that we dont have to think twice when it comes to food.

p.s: ah fit's patients was this cuhrazzzzzzy case. this crazy anak slashed or was it shopped his mum's neck with a parang. it looked so freaking bad. all the craziness in the damn world.”

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

VD = venereal disease

“You’reee You’re my number oneee!! I’d do anything for youuu…” (parental units ringtone).
moi: Hello *opens one eye lid then the other*Dddy: Happy Valentine’s day!!moi: *reaches for watch on ledge; pry eyes open; looks at time: 12.03* Yeah… Happy Valentine’s day. (let me sleep!!)

Valentine’s day huh? The only male figure who bothers to be the first to wish me is my old man. This is yet to be another Valentine’s not optimally spent.

I woke up late and put on a pink shirt [I love M&S cotton shirts, they cut well and they’re so comfy to work in]. Consequently, I missed the routine morning follow-ups on patients. Miss HilHil managed to cover for the both of us, I think, in spite of her being late herself. The day went by OK and I managed to palpate an inguinal hernia for the second time (yeayyy!!) plus perform a rectal tussiae on a prostate patient. I still can’t tell the difference between an enlarged prostate and a normal one. Blame it on my SHORT fingers!! Already they look like Jiminy Cricket when I wear rings and now they impair my prostate-discriminating ability. Ugh!! When the day ended, I rushed off to treat myself to new Egyptian cotton sateen sheets. Miss KhaiKhai came across this joyous discovery a fortnight ago at Yogya supermarket and they were supposedly on 70% sale. Whoah. In addition to that, I overheard this American lady yakking to her friend about it on the mobile while we were getting a foot reflexology the week before. Got me all amped on them even more. Miss KhaiKhai’s motif was sold out and hers’ really posh looking. I had to settle for the white floral ones. I bought 2 sets ‘cos they’re SO CHEAP. They set me back, like, RM150 or something. Nice!! And I really had to change my grimy pillow and bolster so I did since they were on sale too!! Buy the pillow and the bolster’s free. COOL!! Before heading home I got myself an Oreo cheesecake, potato salad and Raspberry tea frapuccino at Starbucks to go. Got home and watched lots of Rome and Laguna Beach. Voila. Thus the day went by agreeably.

P.S: except that my bathroom light is out AGAIN. I’m like WHAT TH…?!! I just got new Phillips starters and a brand-new Phillips fluorescent light tube-bulb thing. DAMN. Now I’ve got to get the electrician over AGAIN. Hate this.

Monday, February 13, 2006

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine…"

I had a patient ‘+’ (RIP) on me today.

My first time. It’s umm… I dunno. I have to start getting used to this one way or another I suppose. I was assigned to him since yesterday. He’d been in the ER for what seems like forever (6 days) ‘cos there just wasn’t an empty space in the ward. 13 year-old boy; motorcycle accident; GCS (Glasgow Coma Scale: 5) meaning he’s unconscious and almost a veg. His heart rate had been racing all night which subsequently made him breath faster. All the work must have tired him out ‘cos this morning for no freaking reason he decided he didn’t want to breathe anymore. I was taking a short power nap on the medical records desk [it’s been f*cking long night-lah OK, besides we have to do an additional 4 hours on Saturday shifts so don’t judge me *sshole!!] when I glanced up to make sure things are OK [I have a phobic habit of jumping up and doing that] I realized that people were gathered around someone. Miss EwiEwi and I immediately pranced up to check what was going on. The matter was our patient. Wished he didn’t choose to act up on our shifts. He could have waited just 2 more hours for the next bunch to deal with him. I didn’t really know what to do. I’ve never had a person apnea (zero breath) on me before. Mr Hotstuff took over the reigns and started to bag (assisted ventilation) him. *swoon* I took over halfway ‘cos it’s my patient so I should be the one bagging him. Bagging is HARD work, pumping air into one’s body is actually VERY tiresome. It’s no wonder CPR only lasts for a maximum duration of 30 mins. Mr Hotstuff was really sweet, he stood by me the entire time… mainly watching over my actions and getting me out of trouble. I mean he didn’t have to do that ‘cos he’s not my ER-buddy or the chief-co (ER intern chief-of-the-day) or anything. G*DDD this boy’s such a sweetheart.
(conversation)Mr Hotstuff: You need help?
moi: No, it’s OK. *bagging*
Mr Hotstuff: You sure?moi: Yeah, sure.*for awhile there’s silence*
Mr Hotstuff: You are strong. I know …

I didn’t get what he meant by “You are strong. I know that.” Like WHAT?!! I figured it was probably just language barrier since his English isn’t as great as Ah Uto’s or even Ah Manurung’s. I took it as a compliment ‘cos the tone of his voice sounds so. But it could also mean that I never give boys the opportunity to help me: the whole independence crap. Am I really this stubborn? Do I always wanna do things myself? Should I have feigned weakness and let Mr Hotstuff be the man? I dunno. It just seems so unlike me.

He was in a bad state. I suppose his family knew it too. They decided to “pulpak” (pulang paksa) after all. I didn’t really understand what was happening with the Sundanese language and having to monitor his breathing so Mr Hotstuff helped settle administration stuff.

moi: What’s going on?Mr Hotstuff: They’re taking him But isn’t he on assisted ventilation?Mr Hotstuff: Which means if he’s not bagged, he can, like, NOT breathe (!!)
Mr Hotstuff: Yes.
moi: He can die (!!)
Mr Hotstuff: Yes. Euthanasia by family in a Oh. Right. Euthanasia by family. *tears start to well*
That’s how easy it is for us to suddenly stop existing in the world. Standing there over that young man as I pumped oxygen into his face, I realized that death REALLY comes that easily. And that’s it. The chapter ends. You disappear and people move on. It’s a disturbing thought.

P.S: I mean just because I think Mr Hotstuff is HOT does NOT mean I want to yank him off his relationship. Everytime I pass a remark that someone’s HOT, they’ll go “He has a girlfriend.” So what?!! I didn’t say “I SOOO wanna get him!!” I just think he’s gorgeous. He has a face of a sunflower [as opposed to his name]!! What’s the harm in that? It’s like me going to somebody’s house and finding they have this exceptionally beautiful vase on their mantel piece. All I wanna do is marvel at it and it’s not like I’d be barbaric enough to stuff it down my bag!! Don’t people get the concept of admiration?

Friday, February 10, 2006

little lily

Have my period. No wonder I’ve been so lethargic last week. It’s the silliest cycle: every month there’d be this period where I get abso-f*cking-lutely exhausted and I’d be wondering why why why?? And when the menstruation kicks in the week after that, I’d go “OHH no wonder I was dead beat before.” Although I keep track of my period (have been ever since I had a 5 month phase of amenstruation years back) I still go why why why and OHH every month.

I just realized I had gotten myself wrong sorts of pads AGAIN. At first, I got the wrong sort of material. I hate those embossed surfaces that feels like a plastic bag stuffed up your *ahem* and I bought those (!!). This time when I finally got the lining right, I realized instead of buying overnight ones I bought the sort for menopausal women!! The shape is absolutely a nightmare. It’ll take me 5 more periods before I finish the wrong batch off. Crap.

It was raining heavily as I approached the Ciwalk (Cihampelas silly version of Bintang Walk) exit. If I were to journey home, I would have too wade through flash flood yucky drain water and get my Juicy tracks all crapped up. Decided to get a reflexology massage before watching Memoirs of a Geisha to pass the time. I’ve grown so accustomed to watching movies alone. Don’t have to confirm schedules with anyone, don’t have to pick a common flick we have all not yet watched and all those petty nuisance when people watch movies in a group. Pretty good show. Spielberg did a good job… can’t compare to the book ‘cos it was years back since I read it. Just realized that almost all the chicks there are Chinese instead of Japanese. But Japanese chicks are so HOTTT!! Weird that in the end only the Snow Falling On Cedars girl made the pick. Perhaps Japanese girls still lack in the English dept. Yet… it’s not as if Gong Li and Zhang Zhi Yi were any good at it either. I’ve watched their previous international movies and they themselves admit they could not speak English for nuts then. They probably took a crash course with native speakers for this one. Japanese girls could have done that too, why didn’t they?? I really like the whole stop-a-man-in-his-tracks-with-one-look business. Such a powerful gift that is. I WANT a Mameha!!

Monday, February 06, 2006

"U G L Y you ain’t got no alibi you UGLY"

Plastic has been quite the revelation. On some level, I was even proud to be me. If there’s one lesson I’ve learnt now is to be EXTREMELY grateful for the way I look. Being in Plastic has helped catalyse my love-myself campaign. Which is great really ‘cos I AM trying to build my confidence. Phew. For all those times when I felt that happiness came in the form of Britney’s nose and not my stumpy bridgeless tap-looking THING... here’s a 17 year-old girl who possesses no nasal septum + columella. Meaning she does not have that cartilage that separates one nostril from the other. Meaning she has ONE nostril. Just a singular hole in the middle of her face. Crap. Bet she’d kill to have my stumpy snout. Then there’s this man who after a dental infection suffered from bacterial tissue invasion leaving him with a hole on the face that functions as a mouth and nose. Something I would call the Hello Kitty phenomena. After primary reconstruction he doesn’t look as scary as he did before but he still looks somewhat bizarre. I’m thinking it sure sucks to be him. I used to think my pussy was so FAT and I wish I had those flat modelesque ones and here comes this 60 over years old lady with no labia. In simple terms, no pussy lips. Guess having my FAT pussy don’t seem so bad anymore. Also there’s this girl with giant nevis (moles) on her eyes making it look like she permanently has shades on. After a skin flap and skin graft from her thigh, they’ve replaced the space with her own skin leaving a little of the side of nevi as her ‘eyebrow’. Despite not having permanent black eyes, I really think the residents should have taken into account that she’s a young girl… they kinda left the brows on too thick. They look like Shin Chan’s (!!). Anyway the consultant has pointed this out and a secondary reconstruction has been scheduled. Phew. Don’t even get me started on the cleft lips and palates.

All them tragedies in the third world country and people wanna make their chests look like pomelos.

Friday, February 03, 2006

say it ain’t so

I have no idea where people get the notion I have big passion for medicine. Today is yet ANOTHER day a person tells me he admires my zeal. Dr Aris told me my semangat is out of this world (!!). I’m like WH… AT? Frankly, people have confused my fears to be my enthusiasm. They don’t know every time come ‘jaga’ that my stomach ends up in knots and I’m struggling to not allow my legs to walk away from the ER. Also once I’m in-the-zone, I have this obsession where I’m so afraid to make a mistake that I try to be as meticulous as possible. I take the vitals on an hourly basis. I try to get them to calm down (though most of the time it doesn’t work). My fellow interns are surprised why I’m so bothered to check on patients when most of them are just finding excuses to go take a break or sleep in the mess!! Maybe it’s a feeling of inadequacy spurring this insane fervour of mine. I’m constantly bugging the residents for the next instruction. Maybe I come across as an insane bugger just dying for work, trust me there’s no other person lazier than me, but I really just wanna make sure nobody falls on my turf. Know what I mean?

My colleague last night was this eccentric fella called Ah Uto. The person who said ‘Strangers are just friends waiting to happen’ really knew what he/she was saying. I really thought I was gonna have another mundane partner for the night… on the contrary, Ah Uto turned out to be, like, one of my Holograms (as in Jem and the Holograms). His English was decent which made communication oh-so-much easier!! He claims he scored 637 on his TOEFL which makes him pretty much lingually at par with an average American kid. I got SO excited when I realized we were so alike and I swear if it wasn’t for his dark skin and my chubby cheeks we could have been twins!! For starters, being a doctor wasn’t exactly in the plan [so me]. His father gave him a choice of being a soldier or pursuing medicine, he chose to do both… the latter first [so me]. Given a choice, he’d drop everything to be a rock star [SO ME]. I have to give him credit ‘cos he could remember lyrics to El Scorcho AND he’s a semi Weezer fan (!!). How cool is that?? AND he’s a Beatles fan (!!). And he votes John over Paul (!!). I really don’t know how we got into the whole music dialogue but we did and it was so fun ‘cos nobody else I know really knows much ‘bout Weezer ‘cept for maybe Miss MasMas but she’s not really that interested in trivia. Ah Uto knew quite abit of geek-rock trivia. Being Ah Uto’s partner was pretty ace ‘cos he has this luck where all his patients tend to come with minor complaints and end up being discharged which is SO GREAT ‘cos there is no need for constant hourly interval monitoring or loadsa crap to do.

Our first patient was a grandma who got bitten by a rat. She didn’t wanna go through with the wound cleaning so she demanded she left. Our next patient was involved in an automobile accident with his son but he, too, didn’t wanna stay so we let them go. As for the third patient, the young boy, Mat Motor, was wheeled in all bloody in the face. You cannot imagine the look on my face when I saw the boy’s T-shirt: Weezer!! OMG. Destiny or what?!! Both of us knew we had to have him under control. Mat Motor was involved in a gang fight. There’s like 2 motorcycle thugs: Brotherhood something and B-something else. Anyways he was trying to escape the chase when they caught up with him and gave it to him severely in the face. He had a fractured mandibula (jaw) and lost some teeth. Mat Motor was really man about everything including not making a big fuss during wound toilet or injections. I was a lil’ peeved that they fixed the i.v catheter at the good hand ‘cos now my almost-new aneroid b.p cuffs are all soiled with the f*cker’s plasma since the arm I could use was filled with gashes. Gross.

Patient of the day: Mr Bobbot (tribute to Mr Bobbit) came with his stumped babyfinger. It was bleeding cuh-razily so the surgeon-on-duty had to suture him up quick. Everyone seemed to be pretty fascinated with the case so I thought I’d poke my busybody nose and check out what’s happening.

(conversation)moi: et causa?
Ah Ggies: isteri-ism.
moi: what?!!
Ah GgieS: his his wife??Ah Ggies: yeah. She bit it off. They were quarreling [he probably wagged his finger at her and she chomped on it. HARD].moi: OMG. She bit THROUGH the finger?? Bones and all??Ah GgieS: yup.
moi: did she give it back??Ah Ggies: where is it then??
Ah Ggies: probably in her SICK.
moi: well at least she bit off thaaat finger and not THAAAT finger
*looks down at his crotch*
Ah Ggies: SICK.
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