Sunday, January 08, 2006

i do

I: IKEA curtain (chun-leh?!!); II: pictures of the Mrs Bloom girls when we had TIME for each other; III: GAP cranberry & orange scented candle; IV: paperwork (yuck); V: L'Ocittane lavender linen spray; VI: old VCDs to be thrown away just haven't bothered to yet; VII: water; VIII: Evian eau de spray

I’m a dork. Home on Saturday night. Chomping on Prosperity burger. Catching up on paperwork. I don’t really fancy ENT and I just can’t make myself study even though exam’s, like, next week (!!). In fact, I don’t want to. I just want this week to end (pleasantly) so that I can go home come next Sunday.

Miss ChongChong’s latest gossip: Miss OO’s now-fiance proposed to her on the Eiffel Tower. She supposedly has this rock on her finger. Since I ‘nothing’ her, I guess I’m feeling very pitiful for myself instead: the spinster. When I think about it, a person must love me THAT much to want to MARRY me. I don’t know if I’d ever find such a person. I mean, this man would WANT to spend his ENTIRE life with me. Whoah. I can’t even get a guy to have a relationship with moi. I cannot believe I have NEVER had a boyfriend. I’m turning 25 for CHR*SSAKES!! I’m older than Drew Barrymore’s character in ‘Never Been Kissed’. Even Bridget Jones has had a couple of flings. They should really air primetime television on my sad, pathetic life. I’d call it Aboyfriend (as in asexual). Wait… they do have ‘40-Year Old Virgin’ though. OK-lah Hollywood wins still.

Although I don’t really feel that lonely nowadays since work occupies most of my time and thoughts, I can’t help but realize that nobody really bothers about me. Let’s exclude my family but literally nobody really bothers if I’m having a good day or the contrary. It can really suck on holidays and over-commercialized Hallmark days. Take the New Year’s. Every year I used to wish everyone a great New Year. Sometimes I give them flowers or those nonsensical candy sh*t. But nobody ever initiated giving me something special. Only your boy/girlfriend would. Only your boyfriend would sit with you and let you drone on how your day sucked. Only your boyfriend would drop everything to rescue you from waiting hours at the bus-stop. Only your boyfriend would send dumb-ass corny sh*t sms or notes. Only your boyfriend would… aaah the list is endless. I’ve since given up on New Year’s. It’s for f*cking lovers anyway and I really don’t know why I bothered being so cute ‘bout it.

I’ve not been socializing that I’ve forgotten HOW to socialize. Since my life revolves around my work and shopping, I literally have nothing in common with people anymore. I can’t discuss ‘bout current issues ‘cos I’m not in the country AND I don’t read the newspaper. I don’t meet up with people so I have no gossips of common people to share. Nobody I know likes couture much except for my sister (not counted). I hate talking ‘bout Indon which is what everyone seem to only want to interrogate me about. Without me realizing, I have a supposedly mean demeanour that really puts people off. I can’t control myself. It just tumbles out my tongue. LOTS of people has ceased having conversations with me as a result of this which makes me feel even MORE guarded whenever I try to make chat; putting me in so much uneasiness that NOW I don’t even bother to anymore. Which probably explains my deteriorating social circle. Perhaps that’s why I stick to my safety blanket of friends. I needn’t bother to be anything and yet, they love me still. At least I think they do. If they don’t, they could contend for a Golden Globe.

(msn)moi says: i know u think this is all blablabla bullshit. perhaps one day when u suddenly understand then you'll suddenly understand. that time let me know-lah. i won't say 'i told u so' but at least i kno u knoah choy says: im totally lost ere, havent the clue of what u just said
ah choy says: just leave as it is
moi says: ok
moi says: sorry.
ah choy says: dun hav to say sorry
ah choy says: no need appologise for that
moi says: sometimes i say too much without thinking first. then people dowan talk to me. which kinda sucks. happens too many times. dowan take risk.ah choy says: i always valued ur opinion, it keeps me grounded and lets me face the facts[he could be lying but I take that he wasn’t so that I can feel better about myself]

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