Tuesday, November 29, 2005

this fire is outta control. i'm gonna burn this city. burn this city.


It's raining really heavily (just awhile ago, the lightning stroke and created fire at the building beside our window... literally(!!) KAKAKA) so my group is having random discussion bout refraction. I am starting to be comfortable with the syllabus. I entered the department knowing absolutely nothing and just as I feel I'm starting to be able to get a grasp on some substance hence able to follow my group, it's the exam week liao. Right now, I'm prancing on my Dopod ‘cos my reading material is at home. I have been working quite hard but slowed down since I fell ill. My system of studying is different from my group-mates mainly because I, myself, need to be prepared before I join the conversation and they don't understand this. For them, even if they don’t know nuts, they feel they should join conversation so in the end they’d know where they lack. I'm still in the middle of getting used to them while they are trying too to get used to me. The biggest barrier is language mostly. Being sheltered in the English program have made communication (especially medical terminologies) a chore between us but I am very fortunate they have easily brought me in and embraced my idiosyncrasies. That's one thing bout non-cool crowds, they are more accommodating to strangers and of course I try to be pleasant to them too. They know a lot. They seem so santai but ternyata when questioned by our proceptor, they can narrate the answers off their minds like a robot. 1st week I felt so malu, every time my proceptor questions me, all that could come off my mouth was: "saya kurang tahu Dr". At least now I don't say it as often.

Basically I'm practicing the whole 'fake it till you make it' persona. As usual-lah lecturers think I kinda know stuff and a number of them recognize me especially my name. In a sense I enjoy the attention with hopes it's more advantageous than the contrary. But as usual they hold high hopes that I know stuff and well I don't quite.

Being an opthalmologist seems quite nice. I think it's a cool specialty.

I wish I had more knowledge. If I knew more then I'd be able to enter the dept with some form of info and be able to explore and dig out facts and by the end I’d have mastered the dept. Instead now, like I said, I WAS fumbling and JUST as I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.. Game over liao. What a waste huh?

So busy. Everyday all I do is just trying to catch up with the crowd’s intellect. No time to do anything fun. Perhaps only on Saturday night when I use the internet and Sunday morning when I go buy groceries. I SO want to watch Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire but just can’t seem to find any time. By the end of this week, we finish Opthalmology so maybe I’ll go watch it this Friday. As for the next dept, I’d have to start preparing start Saturday so the wheel of work starts turning AGAIN. Afraid that next dept I won’t be as lucky as I am this trip and will get scolding kaukau.

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