Friday, September 23, 2005

clinger bells clinger bells clinger all the way

Woke up. Got dressed and ready. Climbed into Dddy’s car and looked out the window as we cruised the streets of SS2. A word sneaked up and started TO consume my pea-sized brain:

The word was like a flea in my ear. Travelled with me right up till Soul-ed Out, Hartamas. Brought Mmmy there to taste the claypot lou shee fun.

L-R: Strawberry Margarita (F*ck you, don't think I dunno you sneak in shots during morning ciggy breaks) & Twisted Bolognaise. Aiii YUM YUM gila!!

Went home awhile. Dddy's penning his thank-yous at a column I left for him in the letter directed to Mr Whitman. Our family is grateful to him for allowing Sophiekins to stay at Shakespeare & Co and allowing her to work in the bookshop whilst she was in Paris. She had such a fantastic time there.

I couldn't even walk around Ikano in peace.

Orange-Carrot juice at Kim Gary's is SO DIVINE. Please go drink that joy juice this instant.

I’m CLINGY. AhYung thinks I’m CLINGY. It’s such a revolting word. I’ve always told myself to never be a person of this entity… it’s the last thing I ever wanna be: CLINGY. And then the bugger comes and tells me I’m CLINGY. Not emotional dependent but CLINGY. And I’m not even a girlfriend yet. Imagine if I was, I’d probably be called an OBSESSED CONTROL FREAK CLINGER. I don’t wanna be that kind of person. But for now, I’m CLINGY. Even just as a friend.

Wah last night I kena bombed kaukau. He really told me off properly-lah. Usually he doesn’t really say much besides “Bleh” or “Haha” or “Got to take shower” or “What” or “So” but last night… he sure had lots to say. Things that sliced through my heart some more. Worse than that, he intends to read my blog (probably reading this now, GO AWAY!! Shoo!! Shoo!!) regularly. I wanna hear them but of course when hear then sakit hati. No win situation. Feel crappy. I know I always feel crappy but today exceptionally crappy-lah ‘cos gotta leave tomorrow.

It all started with me yapping shit. Then it moved into something serious:

ah yung: u wanna know how to get someone?
ah yung: stop caring
ah yung: learn to live by yourself
ah yung: learn to be comfortable with yourself

In my mind I was, like, OH BOY here we go. My mind mentally blacked out some things he said ‘cos by the time he brought the word “insecure” into the conversation I already started to cry. Lucky not on video MSN or sure MALU GILA WEI. Aiii got more:

ah yung: who likes it when pple are angry at them….? but u must stand up for what u believe in.. or live the rest of your live being dictated by someone else

I already told you, he's giving it to me properly. You think finish-ah? Not yet… got some more:

ah yung: u’re not at ease withyourself… how u going to find a bf?
Moi: (bawl)
ah yung: why are you clingy?
Moi: (*GASSSSSP!!!* He called me clingy.)

Despirited. I overdosed on dependency. I’m a friendship-abuser. I don’t want anyone to think that I cling to them like a koala on a eucalyptus tree. Have to stop telling people things. See-lah, tell some more ask some more. Now kena properly at the face. Padan my muka. I knew that it’s better to keep stuff to myself. People won’t understand. I’ve said it before. Why didn’t I just f*ing listen to myself? Knew it was a mistake to venture into that stupid world of sharing-your-thoughts. It was better before. It wasn’t but, well, better than people thinking I’m clingy. Back to old world. Kinda sad bout that. Old world very lonely place-lah. Better than being clingy. Anything’s better than being clingy.

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