Thursday, August 11, 2005

*bomb diggy*

I feel like puking. The whole Brahim Kari Masak Lemak + Maggi Bihun concoction is definitely a big mistake now when I review my nausea status. I mean, I wasn’t hungry but just peckish but yet I went and throw the bloody carb overload into the damn pot.

Feel a little lonely. I’m going to move to Bandung tomorrow. Hired a pick-up to get the big stuffs, i.e. refrigerator, desk, book rack, etc over tomorrow early at 8 in the morning and the rest minor yet dainty stuffs I’ll hover them over using a cab after my Ilmu Kedokteran Kehakiman departmental exam on Friday. I leave for home on Saturday. So I sort of sorted my stuff out and realized I had a whole damn bunch of stuff. Dddy’s not going to be pleased when he visits my room in Rahayu. He specifically mentioned “ONLY NECESSITIES”. He’s not a girl, what does he know bout necessities??
So I was reviewing the sms conversation with Sophiekins that we had last night. She finds my blog to be this gurgling pot of self-pity. Also she’s annoyed that all I’m about is whiny whiny. So kindly leave if you’re not into the scene ‘cos I’m ALL about self-deprecation. It’s the theme of this place. I’m not going to be offering solutions to improve moods unless you’re on Prozac which I thoroughly encourage that you continue your regimen. Actually I really don’t mind that she thinks I’m pathetic but I am slightly disturbed that she never took time to comprehend why I feel the way I do. She and Dddy thinks the same way. That I put this upon myself etc. Heard it all before. She’s on top of her game right now. I know that euphoric phase. I told her about it: the moment where you feel like you can take on the world and everything just seems so possible… so reachable. I felt that. When I was 17. That was awhile back. Much has happened since. Sophiekins thinks I should write more on how to DEAL with my negativity. If I knew how to deal with it, Dior wouldn’t be making a pence off me and I needn’t have the need to channel my frustrations into a silly online journal. Maybe when she grows up a little more she’ll understand that some things just cannot be fixed and all that can be done is the offer of temporary relief.

I’m glad she’s righteous now. It’s about time chairs started switching. I’m sick of being responsible. It’s time for her to hold her own weight in the family. I just wanna go get myself some fun!!

Maybe pain is so overrated now. That people don’t take it seriously.
I believe the only people who recognize my sentiment are my course mates. But that’s all we are to each other, more of course mates than friends. It’s healthier that way. Things get too messy when you venture beyond that fine border line of course mate / friendship.
Things are so crap here that sometimes it takes too much effort to search for the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t bother to anymore. I just visualize my own light: (presently) Chanel Ligne Cambon. It makes me want to chuckle whenever I think of what Sophiekins’d retort to my previous sentences. For a person who only lasts one day in her lifetime at every of her f*cking jobs, she sure has a lot to say. I admit, she had a rough time in high school but that’s just a bunch of f*ckers giving her a hard time. But there’s more to the word of misery than a sh*tty childhood. She never really tried hard for things that matter. Like her studies. But we’ll see what 1st year Pharmacy can do. Maybe she’ll understand valid agony once she has to earn bliss.

It will be nice to one day meet someone who can take me seriously. Who offers me consolation ‘cos by all means I need a lot of that.

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