Wednesday, August 31, 2005

*don’t phunk with my heart*

I couldn’t really sleep last night. And I’m just feeling rubbish right now with last night’s indigestion. All Ah Yeoh’s fault-lah!! 2 bloody kilograms of crab. You haven’t even seen the portion of crayfish + kangkung + taufoo pok thing + noodles. I can’t believe 3 of us actually finished almost everything sometimes. OK-lah I know they’re boys and they should be able to finish like a truck of food but they had me too the HUGE eater-ette ;D so basically we struggled and finally we really wiped everything out. Wah that Tian Lee restaurant is really quite great. Trust me, I know good eateries. I eat out bloody everyday of my life so I really know what’s good and what not. And the food was waaay good!!

Mamak-ed with Ah Choy on Sunday night. He told me little scraps of stories of his new job and I told him little scraps of stories of my S-Ked business. It was nice to be in his company. Monday night with the Ah Yeoh Ah Choy combo is always entertaining. Going out with boys and their filthy mouths is such a breath of fresh hair. I noticed something funny about Ah Choy’s driving that always drove Ah Yeoh nuts. Ah Choy fumbles with his hand-break knob-tip thing. And I realize he does it a lot when he’s makes sharp turns or when he starts to slow down. It’s bloody funny!! He says he picked it up from his family ‘cos his entire family population (excluding mother I presume) fumbles with the damn thing. KAKAKA. We’re all going out again today: Cosmic Bowl at MidValley. I suggested that. I’ve always wanted to bowl there. I believe the next activity would be minature golf or just plain driving-lah. There’s a driving range just beside my housing area. We haven’t got a club though. I don’t even know how does a driving club look like. I really should find acquaintances that golf.
Being home has been good. Unfortunately the clubbing plan didn’t work out. Miss TanTan has to go outstation, Miss ChongChong has to care for her deaf god son and Miss ChewChew got grounded for allowing Ah Zai to overnight at home. Yaargh!! It got me into such a bad mood yesterday. I suppose this is how it’s like with everyone working *sigh* I know I’m in no position to be feeling irked by all this ‘cos all I am is just a STUDENT. What do I know about yuppie schedule?

Sunday, August 28, 2005

wisuda yukkk!!

It begins at 0600...

Basically it says UNPAD cordially invites you to your daughter's graduation. Get your ass over quick or got no space left in the tents and you'll have to stand for 4 hours.

Papparazzis surround the main gate in hopeful glimpses of starlets making the way down the paved red (muddy earth) 'carpet'. Dddy is culturally-shocked. MOI, big lover of the lenses, gets groove on.

Shelbulous moi teaches Mmmy to face the camera. Dddy is enjoying the moment. He later mentions that being stalked by the papparazzis will be one of his fond memories of Bandung. Amateurs!!

Damn hot. Smiled anyways. L-R: Miss IyanIyan, Miss HanHan, Miss KosKos, Miss MasMas, c'est moi

3 stooges.

Prof Firman, my hair sucks. How??

L-R: Miss KosKos, moi

Dddy absolutely loves Jonas and the whole studio photography business. All these for RM100. OK-lah...

My face is the shape of a pumpkin PIE :I

Chewah. Keluarga contoh.

L-R: Mmmy, Sophiekins, Dddy, FATgirl

Peranakan gila!! Miss MasMas thinks I'm so NYONYA here. I thought that pose was ridiculously funny. It took me awhile to keep a straight face.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Lovers in Paris RULES


Love is trueee...!! Love is trueee...!!

Hawaii... Kimchi... Waikiki... Nakkk Ki Joo oiii :(

Monday, August 22, 2005

when you get what you want but not what you need

Watching The Record Shop of Channel V. Love this slot. Allows me to keep up with new tunes. Wish someone would try to fix me. Sophie Muller did a great job with this clip. She has a knack for colors. I definitely would want her to direct my 1st clip.
Tomorrow we’re gonna go down to KLCC to get me my graduation kebaya. I was thinking of checking out that Sharifah Kinrana shop that everyone’s raving about. I hope I’d be able to score something really nice and not too expensive. The graduation’s not that big a deal to me anymore. It’s funny because I’ve always envisioned it to be something absolutely life-revolutionary and in the end it really is quite mediocre. Perhaps I’m highly disappointed with the lingering Ds in my certificate. Sh*t. I cannot believe there will be presences of Ds in my transcript. F*ckerama. Besides since I did not ‘cumlaud’ (honors?) I won’t be getting the spot on the stage so it’s just a tent thing. How unfortunate for my parents. Frankly, I’m just unhappy that I couldn’t present them with a really worthy graduation experience. For starters I have my Ds and I still hadn’t manage to cut the 3.0 cGPA and my family will be watching me through an OHP surrounded by a Hari Sukan ambience. Shit. Even American high-school teenagers get a cooler ceremony than us.

But if there’s one thing I learnt from this is that whenever you think life sucks, you look over your shoulder and find a person with a suckier life. If I think that it really sucks with my D-laden transcript, Miss KhaiKhai doesn’t qualify to graduate even if she wants to. If Miss KhaiKhai thinks that really sucks, Miss MayaMaya and Miss CrisCris has to go through a block on their own and wait till February or later to graduate. IF the duo think that really sucks, the lot who has to repeat has got a whole year before graduation even though we commenced at the same time. If they think that really sucks, they can pity us for graduating with shitty results. So everyone has got everything to regret and everything to be grateful for.

I told Dddy that I have this theory that for everyone’s strength / asset, that would also be their downfall. It’s always like that. We were going round the table, while having dim sum, over what our strengths were. Sophiekins’s would be her non-stop bull & cock stories. Mmmy’s would be her ‘keeper’ attitude. Mine is my ability to bear. Dddy’s is his chinchai-ness. I’ve always believe that it is our strength that could lead to the demise of us. Perhaps it’s our power is our one weakness.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

*bomb diggy*

I feel like puking. The whole Brahim Kari Masak Lemak + Maggi Bihun concoction is definitely a big mistake now when I review my nausea status. I mean, I wasn’t hungry but just peckish but yet I went and throw the bloody carb overload into the damn pot.

Feel a little lonely. I’m going to move to Bandung tomorrow. Hired a pick-up to get the big stuffs, i.e. refrigerator, desk, book rack, etc over tomorrow early at 8 in the morning and the rest minor yet dainty stuffs I’ll hover them over using a cab after my Ilmu Kedokteran Kehakiman departmental exam on Friday. I leave for home on Saturday. So I sort of sorted my stuff out and realized I had a whole damn bunch of stuff. Dddy’s not going to be pleased when he visits my room in Rahayu. He specifically mentioned “ONLY NECESSITIES”. He’s not a girl, what does he know bout necessities??
So I was reviewing the sms conversation with Sophiekins that we had last night. She finds my blog to be this gurgling pot of self-pity. Also she’s annoyed that all I’m about is whiny whiny. So kindly leave if you’re not into the scene ‘cos I’m ALL about self-deprecation. It’s the theme of this place. I’m not going to be offering solutions to improve moods unless you’re on Prozac which I thoroughly encourage that you continue your regimen. Actually I really don’t mind that she thinks I’m pathetic but I am slightly disturbed that she never took time to comprehend why I feel the way I do. She and Dddy thinks the same way. That I put this upon myself etc. Heard it all before. She’s on top of her game right now. I know that euphoric phase. I told her about it: the moment where you feel like you can take on the world and everything just seems so possible… so reachable. I felt that. When I was 17. That was awhile back. Much has happened since. Sophiekins thinks I should write more on how to DEAL with my negativity. If I knew how to deal with it, Dior wouldn’t be making a pence off me and I needn’t have the need to channel my frustrations into a silly online journal. Maybe when she grows up a little more she’ll understand that some things just cannot be fixed and all that can be done is the offer of temporary relief.

I’m glad she’s righteous now. It’s about time chairs started switching. I’m sick of being responsible. It’s time for her to hold her own weight in the family. I just wanna go get myself some fun!!

Maybe pain is so overrated now. That people don’t take it seriously.
I believe the only people who recognize my sentiment are my course mates. But that’s all we are to each other, more of course mates than friends. It’s healthier that way. Things get too messy when you venture beyond that fine border line of course mate / friendship.
Things are so crap here that sometimes it takes too much effort to search for the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t bother to anymore. I just visualize my own light: (presently) Chanel Ligne Cambon. It makes me want to chuckle whenever I think of what Sophiekins’d retort to my previous sentences. For a person who only lasts one day in her lifetime at every of her f*cking jobs, she sure has a lot to say. I admit, she had a rough time in high school but that’s just a bunch of f*ckers giving her a hard time. But there’s more to the word of misery than a sh*tty childhood. She never really tried hard for things that matter. Like her studies. But we’ll see what 1st year Pharmacy can do. Maybe she’ll understand valid agony once she has to earn bliss.

It will be nice to one day meet someone who can take me seriously. Who offers me consolation ‘cos by all means I need a lot of that.

Monday, August 08, 2005

"take a second just to breathe, i pick my heart up off my sleeve"

My iPod Shuffle won’t fully charge. This is my second / third attempt (the blinking amber LED turns fluorescent green indicates it’s full) already. I failed the first couple of times ‘cos I didn’t have the time to wait till it fully charged and now I’m really gonna test it to see if it happens. It has to happen. I’m worried that the battery might have died or something and it’s only 4 months old!! I mean Apple products are really famous for their crappy batts but it can’t be thaaat soon that it kong-ed off already?! F*ck.

I just watched this movie Prozac Nation based on some international bestseller by Elizabeth Wurtzel. I’ve heard of this book but I never figured tales of depression would really appeal to me till now. I would like to read the book but considering my deficiency in the time department then the movie’ll do. Let’s just hope the director sticks close to the book. That’s what I usually hope for most of them books-turn-movies.

I get what she means by people not getting her. Sometimes I wish I was a writer so I could write all those silly thoughts that narrate in my head just like how Elizabeth does. Only a writer could do this poetically without it sounding like ultimate feces. Like the piece she did on Lou Reed for The Rolling Stones magazine. I could never write like that. That’s why I’m not a writer. Right now, my life is moving so fast that I hardly have had the time to think of my bad thoughts. And I’m doing what is asked of me: carry on. And I have been doing this beautifully for awhile now. I’m really crafty at masking myself to be some other person. It gets very tiring and I do catch myself absolutely exhausted on some days but it’s better to be doing this. I can’t afford to be on medication. Not if I’m still in medical school. In a sense I’m still able in control of myself and I don’t need a pill to give me some breathing space. Actually I do but let’s not start.

Silverfish rejected my submission. Again. It’s the 2nd time I’ve tried. I guess now I understand what it means to get your submission rejected by publishing houses AGAIN AND AGAIN. And I’m not even going to get paid for it. I just want the acknowledgement. That people think my writing is worth publishing. I’ve read what they’ve published. Absolutely stereotypical selections. A couple of the writers are undeniable talented but the rest of them just basically wrote on the right topic. And for that they made the cut. Malaysian publishing houses can be so cliché sometimes. They strive so hard to get the equivalence of the Western world that they don’t realize that good writings are the ones that don’t fall into place. The ones that make you laugh and cry at the same time. The ones that tell a story of a miserable humble bag lady but at corners of the pages make you laugh at her quirky antics. I wish they could see me smirk. I’m NOT saying they should choose me. I write nonsense anyway but they really should give people such as I a chance. I don’t think it’s important that I’ve actually read Hemingway or Wilde to be able to compose a masterpiece. People like f*cking Poe or Austen wrote just as they were, they didn’t have some f*cking Orwell to look up to. What I’m trying to say is, one man’s meat is another man’s poison. They should just learn to take a second look. Or hire a younger editor! You don’t need an old accomplished English lecturer to ensure a job well done. Maybe I should send this article in just for the kicks of it. I bet you this ends up in the cutting floor :D

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

"we've got the land but they've got the view!"

I am absolutely crushing on the Ligne Cambon line. I really don’t know why I’m always absolutely late when it comes to couture hype ‘cos the range launched in April 2004 and now it’s wayyy past April plus a year later. I’m really interested in the bucket bag, fuelled by the fact Miss KeaKea also has one, but now that I’ve seen the pocket pouch, that’s really nice too. So since I don’t think I’d be going to the UK anytime soon, I will have to march over to KLCC pronto ‘cos there’s a Chanel boutique there and I hope that Malaysians aren’t too into the Ligne Cambon range despite the overdrive in magazine publicity which will leave me a choice or 2. I mean I’ve been seeing the ad around for awhile now (Aiya what the heck, it’s been a year! What am I saying?) and I thought it was real cute but feeling the supple lamb hide on my skin, as Miss KeaKea asked me to hold onto it while she puts her Gucci boots on, in the parking space of Albert Docks unleashed my passion to own one for myself!! It’s a tie with her admiring my Dior Girly reporter bag. She told me she had been eyeing the white logo against black but she couldn’t get one in Manchester and had to settle for the black against black. I want the black logo against pink but it might not be available anymore. Wish me luck!!

Another thing I’m crushing on is Modest Mouse’s The View. WHAT A TUNE!! Oh my goodness I could feel the blood rush through my vessels in the most tumultuous manner as the drums hit the riffs in the beginning of the song.

“As life gets longer, awful feels softer,
Well it feels pretty soft to me,
And if it takes shit to make bliss,
Then I feel, pretty blissfully”
Literary genius!! I am so so in love with this song really. I know it’s so lame to only ever discover the band off an episode in OC but hey what’s a village girl like me to do? It’s darn fortunate for them that I even get the opportunity to listen on. Anyway I hope I get to go to the U.S sometime soon ‘cos I really have loads of CDs to stock up on and especially band merchandise :)

P.S, disclaimer: image courtesy of Ebay

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


Today was ULTRA CRAP 2010!! I bloody knew something was going to go wrong ‘cos there wasn’t a Damri bus to Dipati Ukur ready at the Pangkalan Damri when I got there. Now, you’d think “Aiya no bus only what! Just wait for the next one-lah!” Now, listen here merry folks of the civilized realm, Jatinangor is NO Brighton OK where the lovely folks queue up in such an orderly manner and allowing disabled / elderly / with child to automatically have the priority jump the damn queue. Trying to get onto a Damri bus is like having to fight for a space in the last bus which will cross over to the South Korea border (if I got my political analogy right that is). Well the moment the bus arrived at the junction, everyone started to get themselves ready for the ultimate push… and as it made its U-turn towards the stop you could sense everyone scratching their hoofs on the ground ready for the dart to the 2 entrances of the bloody metal box. There are times I feel really bad that I have to shove old ladies away just so I can get a seat in the bus but ayia no choice or I’d be pinned against sweaty sleazy old men who would either attempt at picking my pocket or groping my umm.. anatomy for 2 freakin hours.

So then OK I got a seat in the bus but since I didn’t get the window seat I got pinned against bystanders on the aisle and I really felt like that f*cker was shoving his crotch on my arm. That’s the bus for you. I just pretended I fell asleep but I was so uncomfortable in that position I could have barfed!

And as I made my way to Kantor Kerjasama, I met the nice lady who works as in the Dr’s office and GUESS WHAT?? He’ll be in Jakarta for a damn week. And my deadline for final draft correction is tomorrow. Ah what the f*ck.

And when I got to BEC to buy ink cartridge it wasn’t opened yet so I decided to just bloody go home instead of waiting for it to open. My mood was foul as it is.

Then the bloody Damri I took during the journey back was the slowest piece of machine ever!! And the worse thing was it broke down just after the Cileunyi Tol (I mean I don’t know whether to consider it good luck or bad luck ‘cos it could have been the Moch Toha Tol which would ultimately mean that the only resort is to hang myself) and almost blew up. When it broke down, I assume it would just start on up after some attempts because this is the usual scenario with the Damri buses. Then suddenly it made this really loud spurting noise and everyone (who hadn’t left before, including me, as we were still adamant of having it ferry us to the station) started clambering out. Oh GOODNESS the pushing!! I had to make sure my bag didn’t get all squashed up as I tah-pau-ed noodles from Strawberry Corner and all the shoving might burst the packet and drench my bag.

So I had to walk out to find an angkot so that I could go to the Secretariat and sign my SK-ed form. Thank goodness Miss MusMus had it all ready for me and my pictures didn’t turn out half bad.

Still damn hak-tou-sei today. Feel like crashing dishes to the floor.
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