Wednesday, July 13, 2005

silent sigh

Tomorrow Mmmy will go into surgery to remove her ovarian cysts. I know it’s JUST laparascopy which means its JUST minor surgery but I’m still really really concerned. I guess the 2 words: pancreatic cancer never really left my mind. A lot of things can happen in surgery: hemorrhage, problems wit the anesthesia and worse is if they found something we’d rather not know about. I feel like I’m being kicked in my gut every half an hour. I can’t really study, let alone think. Guess the crap never does end, does it?

I wish there was someone I can talk to. I wish I didn’t need to be so strong all the time. I suppose it’s worse for Dddy. He’s got to be strong for all 4 of us. I don’t know why I find it hard to tell this to anyone… WHY I DON'T want to speak about my fears but mostly HOW to. And I thought my plate couldn’t be any more occupied. I’m so scared. Scared for my academics, scared for mum, scared for dad, scared Sophiekins can’t get into pharmacy. And I thought the first half of the year was so taxing… this is even… sigh.

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