Thursday, July 14, 2005

*Home: Michael Buble*

“Hey. Sorry in PD now. Off my phone liao. Nway I changed no oledi. New one is … Doing survey job in PD Esso refinery. Call u back on Friday.”

Speak of the devil. He damn panjang umur. To think I was just bitching (sort of) bout him hours back. Guess that’s why my msgs never really got delivered. Dunno why he never told me he changed his number before. My sentiments bout driving people away from me remain.

Miss PalnaPalna knows I’m home though. This Miss IyanIyan went and tell people who msg me that I’m back home. Bloody hell. I think she might be ticked off that I didn’t proclaim my return. I hope she doesn’t tell the others I’m home though.

This time I know how it feels like to be at the receiving end of medical care. Indirectly. How it feels like to be the patient’s care-giver. I will need to remember to be pleasant to patient’s family and offer them as much assistance and knowledge of the patient’s condition as required by them when I become a doctor. It sucks to wonder what happened and all that. I know this now.

Also nurses aren’t as scary as I’ve always imagined. I guess to patients they are really sweet. Similar to the doctor’s persona. It really helps to have a sweet nurse. But then again this IS a private hospital so they’re probably paid a bundle to have such cheery disposition.

I think Dddy and Mmmy are really heavily considering converting to Christianity. Dddy is really interested in joining the Calvary Church. I remember once reflecting to Miss MasMas regarding religion (she believes I’m a downright Atheist). I told her that if there’s one mistake my father ever made whilst raising us, it would be not instilling us with a religion. Because now when I think of it, I not only disbelieve religion, I absolutely reject it. By paper I’m a Buddhist but I really don’t accept it that much. I don’t believe in monks and know nothing about prayers or chanting. In fact I disbelieve ALL religions. I cannot accept it in some sense. All I can think is FAKE FAKE FAKE chiming in my brain when exposed to such matters. It’s definitely too sad a standing. In the end, when it all boils down to it, I have nothing to turn to in times of tribulation. I have NO faith. And really, when you’re down, it’s all that matters. I see all my coursemates in Indon (they are all very religion-based) and they seem to cope better than me. I never really quite knew the reason till I figured it out last year. I didn’t have faith. Everyone turns to their respective gods and the best thing about it is that they BELIEVE in the power of their gods. It must be nice to have such assurance. My father partially blames our lack for religion to the exploitation of the Buddhist religion by mankind. The Chinese local customs have fused tradition and Buddhism into something not quite of the Buddhist practice but then again Buddhism IS meant to be a flexible religion hence the ability to be abused. Also at times like this, Dddy feels the comfort offered by Christianity in terms of prayers done for Mmmy even by strangers. He told me last night he finally realized the value of having really close friends to offer emotional backing in times of woe. Because at current, our family sort of have none. We were never the kind to open up to people. Dddy had loadsa friends but he didn’t have ANYONE to confide to. We were used to confiding within the family exclusively. In the end, he chose Uncle Matthew to first share his apprehension (regarding the whole pancreatic cancer fiasco) with. Uncle Matthew has been very considerate throughout. It seems Uncle Tony and Ah Kenneth were utmostly ready to lend a hand. They, with Uncle Matthew, helped comfort Dddy when he was festering over the pancreatic cancer problem on his own. It still doesn’t change the fact I dislike Ah Neth but at least Dddy can find some solace in their efforts or words of comfort.

Thank goodness I brought my bubble coat. It became darn right chilly in the middle of the night. I was almost shivering. Quickly stuck my feet into my Uggs and wrap my legs with my Power Puff fleece throw.

Have a new acquaintance: John from the Lit chat. He’s (SUPPOSEDLY, I mean we can never really believe EVERYTHING people say on the internet anyways) 24 yrs old teaching sciences in junior high as well as studying law. He’s Jewish and has a brother and 2 sisters. Last night he should have gone to see the Philharmonic orchestra and he lives with 2 others in a flat in Manhattan, NYC. I’m kinda addicted to his fascination for my intellect and most of all I like it that he thinks I’m hot. Of course my ‘hot’ pictures are somewhat photogenic enough to give him that illusion. But in terms of wavelength, we really really click. And I don’t think I’ve found a person my exact age I can really communicate with (exception of Ah Choy but it’s usually me gabbing away and he with his zen-like words). He used to call Australia a whole lot ‘cos he had a chick there. I’ve seen his picture and he’s NO Brad Pitt (self-admittedly) but I think my addiction to him surpasses the looks department and I really would bloody make out with him. ‘Cos I’m horny and ‘cos I like it that he finds me real cute. Girls love it when boys find them real cute. I think he killed me when he once asked me “Who did this to you?” with reference to my exceptionally low self-esteem and heightened self-deprecating remarks. I had no answers to that or at least I did but I didn’t want to relive past horrors. I guess my aconfidence is really apparent. I know boys seem to notice it very well in me: Ah Choy, Ah Yung, Ah CJ, John… must be a real turn-off. Anyway, I was thinking that if I were to go visit Miss VeiraVeira in Chicago somewhere this year that I REALLY might drop by to make out with him. He seems decent. It’s going to be my first time meeting someone to make out with them. It’s also going to be my 2nd experience of meeting an internet acquaintance after the whole disaster with DinoJr. Whoah. I know. This could be phenomenal. I could be quite the slut ;D I really will have to pull off the Kimberley Lim business real well. Kaka cool lah!!

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