Thursday, July 14, 2005

*don't panic*

I’ve never overnighted in a hospital before. I never knew how it’s like to care for someone in a hospital till perhaps today. It’s approximately half an hour to midnight and Mmmy is (thankfully) snoring beside me. I’ve been meaning for her to get some good rest. The post-operative pain is killing her. She was never one to be able to contain pain. I think Dddy and I are better at that. Anyway they’ve given her voluntary-release painkiller where she presses a button when the pain is too overwhelming so it’ll release painkiller into her system. Pretty canggih huh. The neighbouring bunk requested for the lights to be turned down so I’m typing in the dark. Mmmy had requested for a private room but there isn’t one available. Pantai Hospital is definitely generating profit. Thank goodness there’s a socket here so my laptop is able to charge so it’ll take my mind off Mmmy’s condition awhile. Also thank goodness for my iPod. It makes staying over pretty fun. I just hope Mmmy is able to drink water without nausea / vomiting when she wakes up so that she qualifies for Milo later in the morning.

It’s NOT laparascopy after all. These old people got confused. It’s LAPARATOMY that Mmmy had to go through. It’s a pretty extensive operation in the sense the entire abdomen gets cut open so that the abdominal organs is visible. I suppose they must have checked through her pancreas and no reports on that. It wasn’t a cyst after all; they labeled her specimen: ovarian tumor. I think that fits it about right because according to my knowledge cyst should be filled with fluid while tumor can be filled with pus, blood or cells. I got to have a look at them: her uterus which is really kinda cute and her ovarian tumor (Sophiekins later reported that the Dr described it as a cyst with hair and tooth). I call it her unborn child. Sophiekins mentioned something real hilarious bout that, “Whoah, I was thiis close to being a middle child!” Dddy is surprised Mmmy’s previous gynecologist had not detected it before during her previous check-ups. I don’t think one can miss a cyst as huge as that (4 freaking inches!!) even on the USG but maybe I don’t know much myself so I had better f*cking shut up.Perhaps now my mind can roughly rest. Just need the specimens to be sent to the lab so that the interpretation of the results can be addressed and I can FINALLY heave a sigh of relief. I feel awful that Mmmy has to go through such pain. She’s old and shouldn’t have to go through something like this. I almost burst into tears when she mouthed out, amidst recovering from anesthesia, “Very painfulll…” *sigh* And worse, I can’t do anything about it. I wish it happen to me instead. I’d rather watch myself go through pain than my loved ones. *sigh* I was feeling real low last night or so and messaged Ah Choy for an sms chat if he wasn’t sleeping. He didn’t reply so I presume he must have slept. And just now at 10:30 pm today I wanted to talk to someone so I messaged him. He didn’t reply again. Funny. My messages haven’t been reaching the previous 2 times I attempted on different occasions in Indon although he did see me on MSN once and asked if I was alive. I dunno why he’s not replying my sms, he’s not like that. I guess he must be saving his credits for dating purposes. I mean why would he wanna waste his msgs on psychotic me anyway *sigh* I saw Ah Yung online awhile ago. And I went and blurt all my life crap at him. He must really think I’m such a nut (not that he doesn’t know that already). I really should know how to control myself but I really felt like talking to someone now. Anyway he didn’t have time to layan my nonsense-lah. I really feel I’m driving people away from me.I brought mum her IKEA duck-down pillow. She sleeps better with it. Also I brought my Power Puff Girls fleece blanket in case it gets cold. I was afraid I might freeze too so I brought my winter bubble coat and wore my Uggs. I just changed into my pajamas. I cannot sleep without my pajamas so its top priority that I bring it whenever nights are involved. Dr Diah just msg-ed me. The examiners haven’t received my minor thesis drafts. What the f*ck? I submitted the copies to A’ Iqbal to pass it to the Minor Thesis management team over a week ago before I came home. Trust the ‘team’ to be responsible!! F*ck now I’ve gotta run around town to get the drafts delivered by Friday. I’ve just msg-ed A’Iqbal to pass the 3 drafts to the respective people tomorrow but I’m not sure if it’s gonna get done. I hope it would have been done. Damn!!

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