Tuesday, May 31, 2005

sigh IV

Today marks the last day of food pamper. I haven’t been running for a week now and I’ve succumbed to the FAT girl whims of stuffing food down my throat. It’s how I channel my frustration and I know I should learn to manage my anger in a less self-abusive way but I can’t. Food never fails to offer me comfort.

I thought things couldn’t get any worse than it did before. But it could because it DID. So first there’s my minor thesis which dateline is supposedly moved up to the regular program’s Reading week so I have exactly a week left to type up my shit so that I have enough time for evaluation and correction before ‘sidang’. Sidang is an official presentation of the minor thesis in front of everyone in the respective departments: in my case it would be Medical Chemistry and Nutrition. Then tomorrow there’s the benchmarking exam where they give you a certain set of time to finish certain set of questions something like the SATs and you’d be evaluated in comparison with the margin of all medical schools participating in this event all over Indonesia. Ayia it’s just another exam to validate my idiot disposition but it’s better ‘cos now I would know where I stand amongst students in the entire Indon. So great to know what a great freaking loser I’m gonna be.

OK then last night I was con 45,000 rp by this lil’ b*tch who was going around town scamming people off their monthly water bill. Most of all, I’m pissed that Einstein Ah TKL didn’t just LET ME F*CKING KNOW there was a scam going on. And even just then, at that freaking second, he wanted to bring the whole subject up “Oh How Dare She Do That?” BLABLABLA YAKKETY YAK YAKKETY YAK!! F****CK!! Shut the f*ck up. It’s not your f*cking money which got conned. It’s f*cking mine since none of you are going to reimburse me. And the f*cking worse thing is YOU knew this story was going round town but just ‘cos I’m NOT in charge of water sure as hell doesn’t mean you don’t f*cking tell me about it. B*stard. G*DDD!! I mean when there was an electricity scam going round town, I immediately alerted everyone at home ‘cos I’m in charge of the f*cking electricity bill and because we all f*cking live in the same goddamn house. SOOO we should ALL look out for sh*t like this. He should have just f*cking shut up-lah. And even last night he was trying to rub the f*ck ass salt onto my wound “Oh you know I’m in charge of water, why did you pay?” BLABLABLA YAKKETY YAK YAKKETY YAK. I F*CKING DIDN’T KNOWWW!!! F*CK F*CK F*CK!!!

And… and… and I can’t graduate in August. *sigh* *gulp* I don’t qualify. I’d only be able to in November and even then they’ve put in so many new policies in like departmental exams etc. Things seem so bleak suddenly. I won’t be able to finish the co-asst business in 2 years after all. Every ounce of my strength is being wringed out of me. Everyday I wake up hating that I’ve got to get on with life. And it’s even more tiring so getting through the day with such a heavy spirit.

And I really need to know that Sophiekins can make it into Pharmacy this fall. G*ddd. She might have just been conned £300++ but she says she’ll get the money back from the f*cker. Well, we all hope so but I can tell you once money is gone money is gone-lah.
I’m so so so pissed I just wanna strike a rock till my knuckles bleed. Or at least if I ever see that con-artist slag, I’ll bloody give her nose a good punch. F*ck work. F*ck tomorrow’s f*cking benchmarking exam. I’ve decided I’m gonna get drunk in my room tonight.

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