Wednesday, October 13, 2004

FAT girl

So hello. I am a FAT girl. I weigh 64.5 kg and with my mere 153cm height, makes my BMI a whopping 27. I am not obese yet but I am definitely tipping the scales at overweight. You would think I should be proud of my body now with the new-age love-yourself movies and bootie culture but no, I am not. Society still reserves their silent recognition for the stick insects. So today, I have decided to put down some weight. For a boy. A boy I met on the internet. I christen him Mr Semangka.

To tell you the truth, I’ve always wondered how I’d look like if I was thinner. I don’t ever remember myself being slender.. ever!! Well, perhaps there is an exception to this. At one point in my life when I enrolled into a ballet school: the Federal Academy of Ballet (FAB), I believe I did slim down quite abit then… I was 9-ish years old and had come from another ballet school in SS2. Mmmy, had read or perhaps heard about FAB and decided to sign me into a better ballet school. Either that or the previous one had to close down or something. Whatever it is, I cannot remember. So FAT-ty 9 year-old me sauntered into class in my low-grade blue leotard and tied-up ponytail (bad mistake, the dress code was FAB blue leotard and pinned-up bun with mountains of hairspray) eager to learn the ‘better’ technique. I should have known better because the moment I waddled my chubby feet into class, Miss Yeong shredded my ego like a lion to a carcass. She was frank and brutal. No one had really called me FAT to my face out loud before till her. It was a nightmare. She would tell me that my legs looked like pieces of FAT drumsticks and that I must have ate mountains and mountains of chocolate, which is why my stomach was horribly gigantic. You might feel sorry for me, but it’s OK, cos there were 2 other FAT girls in my class so we three shared the weight of her snide comments. I was the only one of the three who made startling progress in the slimming department. I reduced my portion of food to almost nothing, ate only fruits and ran around the “padang” 3 times every evening. The only downside was that I had killer peptic ulcer but it was a small price to pay to get my back off Miss Yeong. The slimming-down process was at its peak till I developed a case of chicken pox. I was embarrassed to return to class with all the scabs plastered around my body so I begged Mmmy to let me stop having ballet classes. Bad mistake, I ballooned up and gained all the weight I ever put off then and more!

So it’s been 14 years since and I am 23 years old now. Still overweight and not a day younger. Last week, I stumbled upon this website. It was an online diary of this person. Almost instantly I felt the strongest attraction to Mr Semangka. I wanted to know everything about HIM: HIS fears, HIS prized possessions, HIS memories, HIS experiences, HIS thoughts on matters etc.. unfortunately, I don’t think HE’d wanna know anything about me. Well, I don’t blame HIM. No one really pays much attention to FAT girls anyway. We do make good friends though. We remember birthdays, listen closely to conversations and are almost always jovial. FAT people are stereotyped to be bubbly people. They dare not call me FAT so they call me bubbly. Sometimes I feel like throwing a chair into their faces.

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